Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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My son had his son this weekend, but ended up sending the lil guy home, for lack of knowing what else to do. He called the mom and told her the baby was in bad shape, he was breathing fast and shallow, wheezing, coughing and awake all night. Then this morning he was barely able to keep his eyes open, and his one eye looks infected. He's got green coming out of his nose, the poor little guy. (she sent him here sick saying she had an appointment for him on the following Tuesday.)
I made it clear that her son was experiencing difficulties breathing, I have asthma and have raised two boys with asthma myself. She said she might bring him today. It's nuts. My son asked her what he should do in these situations where he's got the baby for the weekend and the baby gets sick, she said for him to call her and she'll take him. He told her he'd lose out on a visit. She told him that's not her fault.
So my son called and left a message with his lawyer so he can figure out what they need to do so he can have a copy of his sons medical card so he can take him into the doctors for visits on his own, because he doesn't like the idea of cutting his visit short. He wants to be a part of the entire parenting package and I give him credit for that. :)
Anyways, she knows my sons history with asthma and allergies, and she's a nurses aid, you'd think this girl would take the babies breathing issues a little more seriously. My son said he's intending on calling the law guardian also to report if she doesnt' take his son to the doctor. Would this be wise of him to do?
Just asking. He said he's doing it anyways lol...I pray he gets attention and help.
Hope you all have a great weekend.
Lisa
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Oh and I wanted to add, he did offer to take the lil guy to the doctors himself, she said no. So he is fuming.
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hippie1981
veteran
Reged: 09/27/05
Posts: 1304
Loc: Wisconsin
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I think I would have taken the baby to the ER anyways if he sounded that bad! Just put the mom down as responsible for the bill. She can always submit the insurance card after the fact. I believe anyways. Someone else will come along and correct me if that's not possible.
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rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
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I would have taken him to the ER or urgent care myself. You know she probably will not take him until Tuesday. It doesn't sound like it is something that can wait. Call her later to see if she took him. Call her tomorrow to see if she took him. She sounds like an idiot.
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Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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My son said he's giving her three hours and then he's calling her and if she hasn't taken him he's offering to take him and she can come along if it makes her feel better.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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I would NOT ask permission to take an OBVIOUSLY sick child to the doctor. He should have taken him to a weekend clinic OR to the ER himself. She can just use this as proof that he's not a capable parent.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Avaya,
She just called and said she took him to the doctors, and that they said he's only got a cold and to prop his bedding and use a cool mist humidifier. He really is sicker than that, and I beleive that it's possible he wasn't taken to the doctors at all. I'd be shocked if he was. There is no way they told them about his fast breathing and wheezing then.
She's bringing him back,back here to my son and if he's still in bad shape my son is taking him over to the er later. Funny, how now she's had a lil freedom, she's liking it. So she's bringing him back.
He'll be seen today sometime by the ER for sure.
Thanks for your advice. I know it could come out making him look like he is incompetent, but he's really not. He just doesn't want to get in trouble with court and is trying so hard to communicate with her.
I have to be honest, my husband, advised my son and I not to go to the er, that we may not be able to get care for him because there is no proof that he's his father or he's his son. And unfortunatly that's true, not the treatment part but the proof part. The only thing we have right now I think is the paternity test results. And I'm not sure if that would stand.
Thanks everyone. I'm glad he's coming back....
Let you all know how things work out. In the mean time he's waiting for his lawyer to get back to him.
Lisa
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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My son had his son this weekend, but ended up sending the lil guy home, for lack of knowing what else to do.
---> Huh? You take the child to Urgent Care or the ER.
I made it clear that her son was experiencing difficulties breathing....
---> Don't you mean THEIR son?
My son asked her what he should do in these situations where he's got the baby for the weekend and the baby gets sick, she said for him to call her and she'll take him.
---> What he does is he calls Mom and tells her to meet him at Urgent Care or the ER.
---> Your son better pull his head out of his ass or he's NEVER going to get more Parenting Time than what he already has because he's obviously incapable of dealing with issues.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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Well, I took my SD to the ER in November and they knew she wasn't my child but didn't ask for proof that I was authorized to bring her in nor did they ask where her bioparents were - they treated her with neither there.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Umm, anytime I have taken my children to the ER, they don't request a copy of the birth certificate. I give them the child's name, our address, phone number, insurance info, etc. And they see the child.
HOnestly, this REALLY makes your son look totally incompetent. If the child was really having the trouble breathing you day he was having, then he was 100% neglectful in not getting medical care for the child, whether or not mom agreed.
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rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
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No, it doesn't make her son look totally incompetent.. come on guys... these are young kids who made a bad choice in having a child. They have to learn just like everyone else here had to learn how to be a parent. There are times when I probably should have taken my kids to the dr before I actually did. You do stupid stuff when you are a young parent. I did stupid stuff and I was 30 when I had my first one!
Give the guy a little bit of a break. She said that they would take the baby to the dr today.
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Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
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agui667
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/23/06
Posts: 4495
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Sounds like your son needs some parenting classes! He sends a sick child home on his parenting time...That make zero sense! He needs a wake up call
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Grandson is back here, doing better. She claims she took him to the doctor. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't.She said they said he's only got a cold. Anyways his breathing seems better. But kids always seem better during the day and then at night get sicker.
My son told her that if he gets worse He's going to take him to the ER, she said no. Call her. And that's why he did call her to begin with. Because he felt that was the right thing to do at the time.
She had him promise her that he'd call her before he did anything with the baby, and she'd take care of it. He's really quite capeable of taking care of the child on his own. He just wants to make things smooth. I dont' blame him.
We've never dealt with bitter women before. I myself divorced years ago and never did this stuff to my ex husband. Never. He was always an equal partner.
This is all new to us. That's obviously why I came on here and asked advice. Thanks
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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And she called and asked him if he wanted the baby back on his weekend even though he's sick and my son said YES :) He's here.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Thanks for your vote of confidence Rocketgirl. The main thing we are trying to find out is what does he need to do legally to get it so he doens't have to bother her about the babies illness. I guess the lawyer is going to have to set something up soon. He is probably going to need the name of his sons doctor or medical practice and a copy of his medical card. He has asked the mom for this in the past and she just pretended she didn't hear him. He asked her today, she did the same thing. But she told him, call me I'll handle it.
I stated this in an earlier post, that he doesn't want to lose time with the baby, he wants to be able to take the child to the doctor too, be a part of that as well. He's really doing great so far. I'm really proud of him. He's just walking on eggshells with her and not sure how to handle some things. He's new I'm new. It's all new to us.
He wants to be involved. He wants to help.
He'll probably be the one handling all his sons schooling issues too. My son is like that.
He just doesn't want to get in trouble with court. And I have to agree with him on this one. We both were clueless where to turn with no medical information. We dont' even know if he's up to date with his shots, that's how friendly the mother is with us.
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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Babies make all kinds of funny noises when they have a cold...the thing you have to watch out for is how deep and hard they are drawing their breath. If you can see their chest caving in deeply as they breathe, take that baby to the ER immediately.
My daughter had what I thought was a bad cold at three months of age, but when I took her to her pediatrician he showed me how her chest was heaving. It was bronchiolitis (not bronchitis)...he hospitalized her right away and when it went into pneumonia just HOURS later, I was very glad we were already there.
Don't hold off if you think the little guy is having trouble breathing.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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I don't care WHAT she said - if that baby gets sicker, he had better take him to the ER. Can you imagine standing in front of a judge saying 'But your honor, she told me not to take him.' 'Yes sir, he is my son. Yes sir, I do have a brain in my head.' 'No sir, I don't know why I let the baby suffer on and on just because his mother told me not to take him to the ER.' 'Yes sir, I do love him and want to help raise him.' He will look like a MUCH more competent parent if he does what is morally RIGHT instead of cowering. What IF she's trying to build a case against him, saying that he can't even care for a sick baby? What if she plans to take the baby to the doctor on Monday complaining that DAD did nothing over the weekend when the baby was really sick?
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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katiefedup
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/26/05
Posts: 11669
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your son has made a terriable error in judgement. He has lost his credability in court if she brings this incident up. He needs parenting classes ASAP! If he was watching a neighbors dog and the dog had that kind of breathing problems I am sure he would have called a vet! Now get your kid some parenting classes~
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katiefedup
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/26/05
Posts: 11669
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even worse you and your husband went along with this. Me thinking the three of you need parenting classes if you are going to help your son raise this baby!
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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Next time she says "I'll handle it" your son needs to respond with something along the lines of "I'm also a parent to this child and am also responsible for this baby's health and welfare. I'm quite capable of taking the child to seek medical care, and I wasn't asking for your Permission to do so, I was merely INFORMING you that I AM doing so."
He needs to realize that he didn't go thru all this headache and pain to assert his right as the baby's father and be a parent, because he wanted her permission - he did it because he's *entitled*. QUIT ASKING her about things that are obviously in the baby's best interests. Just do it. No judge is going to get on him for being uncooperative when it comes to seeking medical care for a sick baby.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Thanks Renee :) That's exactly what he did too :) Baby's on meds now. She's not happy but oh well.
Later everyone. I've been judged!! It's great. Now I can join the ranks.
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katiefedup
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/26/05
Posts: 11669
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who isn't happy that the baby got medicine? So, the baby saw 2 doctors today?
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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Glad to hear it! He doesn't have to let her push him around about this now -- he went to court, established his rights, its OKAY. He has more of a say now. As long as he's not being totally unreasonable, he's on solid ground despite whatever hissy fit she throws. Just make sure he covers his butt, because its going to take awhile for her to adjust to the new rules and he may (probably will) get some friction from her over it.
One thing, and this is NOT an attack, but it may be worthwhile to him to take a parenting class. Yes, he probably can use common sense and you as a source of knowledge on what to do, but isn't it better to learn all he can? Knowledge is power - I can't see where going to a class *wouldn't* be a benefit. Not only will it help him to care for the baby better, but it could settle his nervousness some and boost his confidence level.
In any case, I hope that baby is doing better! Also hope mom continues the meds.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Yep, he did see two doctors yesterday. She took him early in the morning and came back to him (my son) with the baby stating that the doctor said he only had the beginning of a bad cold.
YET we explained to her before she took off with the baby that he was breathing fast the night before looking like he was in some distress. I doubt she ever mentioned it to the doctor. Otherwise he would've been dx'd with what he was dx'd with in the ER
Which is ...bronchiolitis. She was fuming that he took the baby and said he had no right. He told her he did have a right and did so. But he did get a lot of flak from the nurse in the er, because he didn't have all the babies medical background, which mom never shared with him. Has he asked? Yes. She just stares blankly at him.
In other words, it's not his concern as far as she's concerned.
He just got off the phone with her to see how he's doing right now and she said, "His fever is very high. I called the doctors again." He said, "What are they going to do?" She said "I dont' know." I said, "Please call me when you know what's going on. And please let me know if he ends up back in the ER." She said "Yeah whatever! He won't end up back there."
So this is the crap and how great they communicate. I'm so sick of watching it. He really is trying to work with this girl.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Hi Renee,
No offense taken about the parenting class. He's already taken one. Tried to get her to go with him, she refused. Told him he's the only one that needs it.
As far as communication, he tries. My sons biggest problem, is he lets her call the shots. She scares the crap out of him for some reason. Now yesterday he got a taste of making a good decision about his son, and wants to continue doing so. He said it felt so good, to do the right thing even though she hates him even more now if that's possible.
I feel so bad because she hates him so badly, that she won't communicate with him, she yells and goes off on him and he's afraid to say anything because she'll flip.
Her mom was at the er yesterday and said that her daughter, My sons ex, has made it hard for my son to be involved and that she knows it's wrong and she can understand why he's afraid to do things.
Thanks again everyone.
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despedina
addict
Reged: 08/14/06
Posts: 697
Loc: Hillsboro, MO
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Misslisa,
Your son did good to take him to the er. He needs to get a report from the er to take to court next time, and he needs to document this weekend. Reports will be available in the hospitals records dept. Just call and tell them you want to pick them up. She needs to share the baby's med history with him at his request. The court needs to order that.
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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MissLisa, I hope you saw my post above about my own experience with my daughter. Bronchiolitis very quickly moves on to pneumonia...in fact my Ped. said it becomes pneumonia in the majority of cases. So please have your son stay on top of this. Maybe he can get his ex's mother to let him know how the baby is doing at home.
It's nothing to fool with in an infant. They have such short breathing passages that when they become infected/inflamed/filled with fluid, there's no "good" area left to absorb the oxygen.
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tsl
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
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I agree. I would have rushed him to the ER. Called her when you got there and she could have come then!
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Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can keep them out of the way."
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tsl
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
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[quote]We've never dealt with bitter women before. I myself divorced years ago and never did this stuff to my ex husband. Never. He was always an equal partner.[/quote]
This is totally different than had they been married and known each other better...
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Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can keep them out of the way."
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Thanks for the information Nancy, He is keeping in touch with the mom, right now the lil guys fever went back down.
She's so annoyed with him calling, but he's being brave and dealing with it.
Hopefully he'll hear from his lawyer today to see what he has to do to be able to access medical coverage and all that good stuff.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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Okay, don't scare the preemie mom!!! My daughter was just diagnosed with bronchiolitis last Thursday and is fine... both her NICU preemie friends also both had it and are fine. Her pediatrician, who specializes in high-risk infants, and who was a NICU doctor before going into private practice NEVER mentioned the word pneumonia to us, and in fact, approved her to go back to daycare today, even though she'll still be on breathing treatments til Thursday. I'm sure if the risk of pneumonia were a "majority" of cases that her pedi would NEVER have been okay with her going back to daycare (considering the dr didn't want her there in the 1st place, but due to our separation I didn't have any choice).
THe following is a link to CNN.com's article on the subject(which takes the information for the linked article directly from the Mayo Clinic, just in single page format:
http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00481.html
And a brief quote from it:
Infrequently, bronchiolitis is accompanied by another lung infection such as bacterial pneumonia, which is treated separately. Reinfections with RSV after the initial episode may occur but typically aren't as severe. Repeated episodes of bronchiolitis may precede the development of asthma later in life, but the relationship between the two conditions is unclear.
I would, in your situation if I remember it correctly, use this as ammo to further push/pursue the smoking around the child issue, since smoking is one of THE biggest risk factors (along with family history).
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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I will admit my info may be a bit out of date...my daughter is 15 years old now...but her MD was the head of pediatrics at Mt. Sinai, so I would think it was accurate at the time.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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No problem...I intend to raise this as a question to her pediatrician when I go back to see her on Thursday.. that and to re-lobby to get my daughter back on Synagis for the remainder of this RSV season and for next season as well. It's a very expensive drug but when you basically have (at least in my relatively small pool of test subjects, lol) a 100% RSV infection rate (RSV being the major cause of bronchiolitis) in preemies.. and all but my own daughter NOT even having been in a daycare scenario.. one would think the medical community/insurance companies would just give these poor kids the damn vaccine instead of making them "apply and qualify" for it, like it was a Harvard degree.
Sorry, lol... my mommy gripe for the day. Although, with that gripe.. my best friend's daughter (who was born 1lb 6oz), IS on Synagis this year, and WASN'T in daycare at all, and she still got bronchiolitis anyway, sighhhhhhh. Sorry, it's just something they really really scare the crap out of you with during your NICU time (we had 3 severe RSV cases, resulting in one death when we were in) and then you get out only to learn there's just really no way at all to prevent it...
Oh, and my last comments in my post, Nance.. were to Miss Lisa... Sorry... (about the smoking)
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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That's exactly what he's looking to do Preemie. He's so fumed right now because he found out the night in the ER from his ex's mom that the dad has been smoking around his son still and refuses to go outside. In a way I can understand where the man is coming from, this is his house, and to have some judge tell him all of a sudden he cant' smoke, it would upset me too. I really do understand but at the same time, with the baby having the family history from my son of asthma, well...not smoking around the child is in his best interest.
He also found out from the ex's mom that the ex's bf also will not follow the court order and is smoking around the baby also in his car and whereever they go out. Oh well. He'll have to talk with his lawyer now.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Just to clear up...when I say the dad, I mean her father, baby's grandfather.
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agui667
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/23/06
Posts: 4495
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how old are the baby's parents?
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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20 and 21 and they both will be going to communications classes soon, that were ordered by the court. Hopefully they'll both be enlightened.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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I think I mentioned to you that my son had RSV.. and he went through it for three more years after that.. each year.. it was not as bad... the last year we didn't even have to do his breathing treatments.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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The thing that scares my son and I both, is that his asthma is hereditary. He's so scared that that coupled with the bronchiolitis will cause problems. We are keeping our fingers crossed that the baby doesn't have the curse of the family asthma
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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It's something to know.. something to pay attention to... but he may be okay.. I have chronic bronchitis (part of my SLE) and was dx with asthma however.. I ran marathons! both my children are fine... my son went through RSV and child asthma.. but his asthma was from him have severe reflux and the fluid being on his lungs... he is totally healthy.. and fine... NO issues.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Oh wow, I have SLE too. Yep, been through the asthma scare with my oldest son, he was in the hospital 4 times as a child with what they call status asthmaticus, it's where they get really severe. He'd be bent over hanging on to a chair gasping for breath. We'd take him over the the doctors and they'd give him a breathing treatment, only for him to end up back like that again a few hours later.We almost lost him a few times.
I too have been hit in my lungs from the SLE, because mostly they were my weak area to begin with. So I have a nebulizer here if the baby ever needs one.
If his son had gotten really bad, trust me I would've taken him over myself. I try to avoid ER's this time of year because of some of my meds, they lower my resistance.
He talked to his ex and she said the baby is doing good right now. His fever was high again, but they gave him a suppository and he's doing better now. This time she called him. Maybe there is hope.
Edited by Misslisa1017 (02/26/07 02:51 PM)
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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HOnestly, this REALLY makes your son look totally incompetent. If the child was really having the trouble breathing you day he was having, then he was 100% neglectful in not getting medical care for the child, whether or not mom agreed.
My son took him over and they told him that they wouldn't treat the baby until the mother was there. What do you think of that? I'm sure that if he were in DIRE need of life sustaining breathing apparatus then it would've been different, but the baby was bad enough that he needed to be seen. They just refused because mom never divulged to dad the childs medical history. Nice huh?
So basically he could only do so much with what he knew. He actually had to wait for her to get to the ER before the lil guy was treated.
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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I don't care what it took, the baby got treated and THAT is all that matters, IMO. Even if mom pitches a Huge fit, nobody cares. Let her pitch it in the hospital with witnesses. DAD did what was right.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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katiefedup
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/26/05
Posts: 11669
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wait, you said your son sent the lil guy home for lack of knowing what else to do, in your orginal post. Now you are saying that he did take him to the ER in the first place?
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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He took him to the ER after mom brought him back to dad.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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The mom came and picked him up early in the morning, took him to the doctors and bought him back to dad. She told dad that the doctors said he was only in the beginning of a cold and she asked him if he still wanted visitation and he said yes.
Then later on dad saw that baby was still sick to he took him over to the er.
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