MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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Just wanted to update everyone on what's going on because everyone was so helpful.
We dropped of the stuff for the baby Saturday. We even stopped and bought more. this is what we took: 4 jumbo packs of diapers (80 in each pack), 12 packs of wipes(2 cases of 6), 5 blanket sleepers, 2 packs of socks (6 pairs each pack), 8 outfits, a 3 pack of receiving blankets, 3 baby bath, 3 baby shampoo, 3 destin, 8 teethers, 5 cans of formula ($30 a can), and 6 rattles.
The mom called today and said that we could have brought more. Then she emailed me (not my hubby) and said that if we loved the baby we would have brought more. We have taken stuff and dropped it off every 2 weeks except this time it was 3 weeks because she said we couldn't come there.
In the email she also said that if she wins custody she don't care what the court says my hubby can't see the baby. She also said that if he wins she is going to leave the state with the baby when she gets him the first visit. She told my husband on the phone that if he loved his son he would leave me and be with her for his son.
Anyways just wanted everyone to know what's going on because you were so helpful.
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Avaya
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Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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8 teethers? What's the kid going to do with that? Okay, just being snarky I guess.
Well, at least she said that in email. Print it TODAY so that it has today's time/date stamp on it and file it away for when you go to court. Make sure your lawyer gets a copy of it.
Just a suggestion, on the next 'drop off' I'd include some baby tylenol and some motrin and some mylacon. Those are expensive things that are needed sometimes on a moment's notice and are handy to have. It might help show that dad is concerned with the overall well being of his baby and not just the outer appearance.
Are y'all keeping receipts for these things?
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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agui667
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Reged: 10/23/06
Posts: 4495
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Next time bring more formula...Don't they go thru 1 can a day? Baby outfits aren't as important as food. Also, extra crib sheets never hurt. Also maybe a box of that "Dreft" laundry soap that they recommend. But overall, you did great. I hope it keeps up..
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Moi
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Reged: 05/28/05
Posts: 784
Loc: DFW, TX
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At $30 a can I certainly hope it is the powered kind that makes a lot more then a days worth!!!! Granted, I haven't done formula in a LONG time but man... if it is $30 a DAY to feed a baby..???? How can anyone afford them? LOL ;-)
After reading that list; I have this urge to start singing FIVE GOLDEN RINGS... four calling birds, three french hens and a partiridge in a pear tree!!!!!!!
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Every storm cloud has a silver lining. Will you capitalize on it or b*tch about the storm?
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Avaya
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Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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If it's $30 a can it will be a kind that's concentrated or most likely powdered, which will last a LOT longer than one day.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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Avaya
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Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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I have always said you can NEVER have too many crib sheets. I didn't go in for that expensive 'baby' detergent. I just used mild stuff like All-free liquid. I still use that since hubby & kids all have allergies and are sensitive. Plus it's inexpensive.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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luvable0110
enthusiast
Reged: 06/08/06
Posts: 219
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Make sure you keep that email as well with the threats to take the baby out of state and to keep him from seeing the baby. That will be good for you in court. Keep all of those type emails.
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jil_stevens
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Reged: 07/31/06
Posts: 3893
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Actually, Dreft is a "soap" and is not safe for baby things...you need to use something that is a "detergent." The "soap" ones will ruin the flame-retardent qualities of the clothes...
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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He is on the powder. It usually takes 3 to 4 days to go through a can. Plus the baby is on WIC and that provides fromula and cereal.
When the baby had the ear infection we sent 2 bottles of Motrin haome with him along with the perscription. Plus before his first appointment for shots we sent a bottle of Tylenol because I always had it on hand when my kids had shots for possible fevers.
When the baby was born we went to the hospital. We took a complete Pooh bedding set with extras. The set had a comforter, sheet, and bumper. The extras were another sheet, mobil, diaper stacker, and a crib toy. They were all Pooh too.
We never thought to drop of detergant. Next time we will. Thanks!
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MommyAlisha
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Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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It was 8 teethers because they all came in a pack together. There's a teething blanket, 2 water filled teether rings, 1 filled with water shaped like a hand, 1 filled with water shaped like a foot, teething beads, a soft car shaped one, and a soft boat shaped one. They are really cute.
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Runswithscissors
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Reged: 05/29/04
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$30 a can?? T had some expenive formula due to his reflux and granted it was 8 years ago... SURELY formula has not gone up that much... was it one of those BIG cans.. like you get a Sams? But.. to think of it.. the are reg. can, they just come like 10-12 to a box.....
Odd.. $30 a can....
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jsp
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/30/05
Posts: 4197
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Until you get the paternity test and court order, there is no reason to basically buy time with the baby. There is only so much "stuff" a baby needs and at this point it is overkill and the money is better spent on the attorney. WIC usually covers most of the formula cost, so there is no need to supplement it for most, not all kids. And, mom might be on food stamps and if she is she recieves them for the baby so she'd have no food costs as food stamps is over $100 per month per person depending on income.
I can understand some diapers/wipes, etc. but at some point it is also mom's responsibility to buy things for the baby too. If she's struggling on top of what you are providing give her a list of local pregnancy resource centers than can often provide diapers, wipes, clothing, etc.
Until there is a court order, you are not obligated and mom is commenting to meet her own selfish needs by putting you down by not doing enough. You should consult with your attorney on what and how much you should be doing. Pre-court order all of this can easily be considered a "gift" and you are still obligated for child support. If you choose to pay money, do it in a check that clearly states "child support for baby's name."
Next dumb email about how you can do more, tell her thank you for her comments, and you'd be happy to provide more, but would appreciate a weekly breakdown of the child's needs, how/what she is contributing and if the balance is reasonable, you provide and if it isn't this is what you will provide and/or what is her proposal to split up the balance of the child's needs to make sure the needs get met.
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agui667
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Reged: 10/23/06
Posts: 4495
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shame on you
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TGSM
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Reged: 02/06/05
Posts: 5843
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Your husband needs to modify his custody request to include supervised visitation for the mother based upon her threats to leave the state. That is not something a judge will take lightly...seriously, if I was him...I'd consider filing for an emergency hearing based upon her being a flight risk and ask for temporary custody until the permanent custody hearing.
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Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster
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luvable0110
enthusiast
Reged: 06/08/06
Posts: 219
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I agree those threats are serious. When my ex threatened that I was able to obtain a restraining order against him until we got our temporary orders in place. DO NOT TAKE THOSE THREATS LIGHTLY
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jsp
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/30/05
Posts: 4197
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[quote]shame on you [/quote]
Given the games mom is playing and the fact that there is a chance this isn't his child, especially given mom's behavior, there is no need for them to lavish gifts on mom to have a relationship with the child. How much does a baby need at his age? If mom is getting gov't benefits, why keep buying formula when he has what he needs? The baby is a newborn with plenty of material things - so, how much more does this child cost mom to have in her home vs. a few weeks before his birth - bottom line - not much at this point. Their money is better spent on an attorney and paternity test, and if this is his child, then a long court battle for visitation and parental rights, which mom will never willingly allow him to have given what she has shown to date.
They will easily go through thousands in the first year alone with attorney fees. They also have their own household to maintain. At some point they need to set limits or mom will take advantage of them and there is no guarentee that they will still get visits or any rights in the end. The worst thing my husband did was give into his ex for everything - it slowly turned into their situation - she took the kids and money and he got nothing - no visits, no phone contact, nothing and given the youngest age its not worth fighting and making two kids broke. But, if you've never been on the other side or been there, you'll hopefully never have to get it.
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Gecko
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Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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How are you supposed to love a baby you don't get to see?
Personally, I think that ya'll are doing WAY too much considering that you don't even know for SURE that the baby is yours.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Runswithscissors
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Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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Until you know the baby is yours
------------>? how on this earth is the baby "yours". I need to go back and re-read but should't it be "until you know the baby is dad's". I could be totally wrong, but this baby is no way this posters. (going to read now)
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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He is on Enfamil Nutragema (not sure if spelled right). That is one of the most expensive formluas. She told the doc that he screamed all night long and most the day. She said he always had bad gas. Here we never had that problem. Based on what she said the doctor changed his formula 5 times and now he's on this one. The last 2 visits we had he was throwing up really bad and he didn't do that before. My hubby got reallu upset because he blames the formula.
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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We are not buying time with the baby. She still won't let my hubby see him. My husband told the baby, "We are gonna hook you up when we get our taxes". He wanted to keep his promise. We usually don't send as much as we did this time but we got taxes. Some of the stuff we sent was going to be for here but we thought he might outgrow it before he comes again,if he comes again.
It is never enough for her. Based on the fact that we did not claim the baby on taxes, I felt it wasmore than enough. I think the whole reason she got upset is because we bought a car (used). I think a lot of it is jealousy.
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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No the baby is not mine. He might be my husbands.
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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The attorney suggested we buy for the baby as means of child support. She refuses checks! The attorney is going to ask that everything be refunded if the baby is not my husbands but said it might not be. He said we should buy formula because she said WIC doesn't provide enough.
The attorney charged a flat rate of $1,800. He is paid off. He has been our attorney for years so he worked with us.
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Runswithscissors
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Is the baby HER first born male? When he throws up.. is it projectile? How old is he again?
I ask these questions because there is a medical condition that is COMMON in first male born children. My nephew had it and my son had it. There is a muscle that hardens from the esph. to the stomach. Due to this hardening- the child can't get all the formula down... and will PROJECTILE vomit.. I mean... it's ALL over the place... You think you've delivered the exorcist. OR.. with the baby crying and such... he COULD have reflux OR he could be colic(y). G had colic and she had horrible gas. OR.. it could be the formula, however the one that he is on now.. that is probably not the case. That is the formula my son had to take with his reflux and other digestive issue......and it IS expensive! It's gone UP a lot.. but it was expensive 7 years ago. We did that one Enfamil AR (Added Rice). The added rice thickened the formula and he didn't vomit it as badly... ALSO I fed him cold bottles as formula is thicker colder... (Dr's advice while in ICU).
You say your husband never had that trouble there... did you all get to keep the child a few times at your home?
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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MommyAlisha,
You are lucky to have an attorney that is willing to work with you. It can be expensive.
My son is only in the beginning, and starting trial and so far it's cost upwards around 2,000 dollars. Only the beginning.
My son is going through the same thing you and your hubby are with his ex.
She's never satisfied and the more you do for her, the more she'll want. It's really terrible how this girl feels. She had him running back and forth with four different jackets by the time he was done finding a jacket for their son. She didn't like what he was picking out and this time of year it's hard to find much, because winter clothing is going on clearance. KWIM? So he finally said the heck with it and took the baby while he only had Saturday visitations and got him a jacket that HE liked and sent the baby home in the darn jacket LOL (cute tigger jacket)
She was using all kinds of excuses of why the jackets weren't good enough. For crying out loud, he's a baby and it's winter and he has no choice but to wear one. You don't let a baby dictate to you what he's going to wear in bad weather...lol
Anyways I think you and the hubby have gone above and beyond with what you have provided and JSP's advice is the best so far.
My son now gets weekends with his son, but it took a lot. He now has to go through the red tape of getting access to medical care while the baby is in his care, or he loses parenting time, because Mom wants to be the only one to deal with babies health issues. Give me a break!!
The problems will be never ending, where one issue is solved another will pop up. Just the nature of things.
My son before he got weekends was sending a couple cans of formula to supplement his ex's wic checks each week. It helped. He also sends wipes and diapers. He's paying child support now weekly and she has to accept his checks. It was set up that way in court.
Hopefully your hubby can get things settled soon.
Good luck. It's never easy.
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Lucy44
old hand
Reged: 07/11/05
Posts: 874
Loc: Rochester, MN
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My first child (boy) would throw up after eating, all the time. I think he had what you mentioned. The only thing that seemed to help was to keep him in his high chair for 20 -30 minutes after he had his bottle or cereal. LOL, he vomited so much, we had to replace the carpet in the living room. We couldn't keep up with all the spots.
Eeww...that is not an overly pleasant memory.
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Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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Give me a break!
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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We haven't seen the baby for over 3 weeks. We did get him everyother Saturday and twice overnight. He barely even cried when he was hungry and never threw screaming fits for hours like she says he does. He was a very smiley baby when he was here.
He is her only child. He never threw up before. Of course he did have the normal baby spit up but the last time my hubby had him it was for about 25 hours and the baby threw up the whole time. The visit before that he threw up alot to. we really think its the formula.
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Lucy44
old hand
Reged: 07/11/05
Posts: 874
Loc: Rochester, MN
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When is the custody hearing? You mentioned it was coming up soon.
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Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
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jsp
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/30/05
Posts: 4197
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If the baby can't keep down formula, there is special stuff via prescription the child can take. If she is on medical assistance, it completely covers the cost and you order it at the pharmacy. Very few people I know (and all the families I work with have WIC as we require it), need to supplement it with that much extra formula.
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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The custody hearing is March 22. Not soon enough but better than the original date. Until then she won't let my hubby see the baby.
Edited by MommyAlisha (02/27/07 07:31 PM)
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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A neighbor told me that if the mother lets WIC know that the baby is not getting enough formula, WIC will provide more. I called WIC without saying any names and asked if that was true and they said that they do as long as the income is not over a certain amount. The only income she has is from the state. The mom swears that she has to buy 2 to 3 cans of powdered formula a month. Thats bullcrap! Our neighbor gets WIC and has an income and gets 12 cans of powder a month. 1 can last around 3 to 4 days. At the least 12 cans should last about 36 days and thats at the least.
I think she's saying she has to buy formula to use against my husband for more child support. That's just my opinion though!
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jsp
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/30/05
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I didn't know that ... thanks for sharing. I would have never thought to call WIC. I usually give a list of pregnancy centers but that is almost, if not better.
If she is getting income from the state (i.e. TCA) then she is also getting food stamps for the baby which is at least $100 per person (I think it is higher than that but I forget the amount) too so that can cover it. And, she is forced to file for child support if she is on TCA or any gov't benefits. She has no say in how much child support she gets usually as it is all by formula depending on your state. What will be interesting is that if she gets TCA, the gov't takes the child support and if she gets child support higher than TCA, she loses the child support.
I hate to be the negative one, but something isn't right. I would follow through with the paternity test as she's filing because she has to and given she's lying to you about something as basic as formula, who knows what other games she is playing. If this child is your stepson, he's very lucky to have you. But, you are in for life long nightmares and be prepared emotionally for the visitation/money games.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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are you done with your break yet or am I still suppose to give you one??
I said. .LET ME READ.. it wasn't meant as a slam... I was NOT remembering the story.. so I had to go read... silly !
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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She said she don't get food stamps because she shares food with the family and since she don't eat alone she don't get it. I don't believe her because she lived with her sister and got food stamps when she was dating my hubby (before I dated him)
Like I said she is just trying to get more child support. About 3 monthes ago she told my hubby that she has medical bills from when she was 7 that she has to pay off and she's going to make sure court knows. She got pissed because he said "Bullcrap your mom is responsible for bills when your under 18 and I'll make sure the courts know you was under 18" She4 is trying to stack up anything she can to use against him to get more money.
She pays no bills at all. She lives off her mom and stepdad. My hubby pays lot rent (we own a trailer), car insurance, loan payments, electric, phone, cable, internet, food, etc. The only help he gets is my kids child support but I use a lot of that on my kids clothes, school supplies, field trips, gas to meet their dad for vistation, etc. I am not able to work.
The thing is that if he is the dad and wins custody, he doesn't want child support. he refuses to ask for it because he doesn't want the judge to think he's wanting custody for money.
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