kate613
newbie
Reged: 02/01/07
Posts: 35
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My BF's 2 daughters 6 and 8 didn't go to dance class last night because they are so upset about the custody hearing tomorrow. The girls don't want to live with us full time, I feel bad for them. They are afraid their father is going to never let them see their mother again. He picks them up from dance class and takes them home to BM's house but they keep thinking he won't take them to her.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3031
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Why would they think something like that?
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kate613
newbie
Reged: 02/01/07
Posts: 35
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BM tells them their BF is going to take them away from her because he only wants her to have them every other weekend. Right now they are with BM sun 7pm-fri7pm and BF fri 7pm-sun 7pm. He is seeking custody of them because BM's live in BF was convicted of rape of a married woman. The kid's don't know about that so they just think BF is trying to take them away from their mother.
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jil_stevens
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/31/06
Posts: 3893
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It sounds like your BF needs to assure them that he wants them to see their mother as much as they want to see their mother, but that he feels it is best for them if they are living primarily with him. Then maybe explain to them that they will not only still get to see her, but can call her/email her, etc.
Obviously it is better if they didn't know about the hearing, but if they already know then you can just do damage control.
I know how frustrating it is...we will have a hearing and then Ex details the kids on what occurred, and then the kids get mad at me, etc.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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...that the children are unaware of the reasons, and it should stay that way. They ARE going to worry, and all you can do is reassure them with words until the situation stabalizes, and then reasure them with actions. They will figure it out, and I assure you that the BM's words and actions will bite her in the ass in the future.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Dee78
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11820
Loc: TN
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It's such a sad situation but the only thing you can do is reassure them that they will still see their mom.
Have you considered more frequent daytime visits? I know they are in school but instead of it being every other weekend don't you think you should at least offer her what he had? Instead of completely turning their world upsidedown and keeping them away for 12 days, wouldn't it be more reasonable to offer weekly visits or even multiple visits during the week. Even if they aren't overnight, at least they aren't going so long without seeing the parent that has been their primary caregiver.
Maybe it's because I was in a similar situation during my custody battle but it seems like you aren't thinking about the children and how this will affect them at all. My ex suggested that I have 2 overnights a month because I was shacking up with my (now) DH and maybe I'm just remembering how that made me feel and how my daughters would have felt if they suddenly went from spending every other weekend with their dad to living with him full time and seeing me every other Sat morn-Sun afternoon. It wouldn't have been good for them and I don't think it's good for your SDs. If they were being abused it would be one thing but they aren't, there is no reason that the process has to be so abrupt. It could be a gradual change for them.
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kate613
newbie
Reged: 02/01/07
Posts: 35
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I agree with you Dee78. I tried to their BF that but this is what he wants for his children.
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focusedon2
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
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I don't blame him. His ex is too stupid for words, except that she would have good reason to believe I wouldn't return the kids.
Home should be the absolutest safest environment a child could be in. As a parent, I would not feel comfortable with my children living ONE MINUTE with a convicted rapist. And I'm not sure that it's good not to tell the girls anything, especially if your boyfriend fears for their safety - which I imagine is the reason he wants to reverse custody.
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