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WonderWhy
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Reged: 04/03/07
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Not Sure What To Do
      #218754 - 04/04/07 10:36 AM

:confused: [color:blue] [/color] I live in Va.I left my husband last April,we lived in a 3 story house with an inground pool.I have 2 grown children.My daughter,her new husband and her 1 yer old now live in the house,they have been there almost a year.My husband never had much of a relationship with either of the kids but now that she and her new family live in the house,her dad has become her hero.The husband that I left helped to get her husband a job where he works and they were supposed to pay rent but he tells me that they haven't paid rent or anything on a debt because he helped her husband pay off his old car so he could get a new one.My daughter also got a new vehicle 3 months after they moved into the house because the electric in their apartment got cut off cause they couldn't pay the bill.I know they pay no other expenses at the house.I left for alot of reasons but the main one is that I don't trust him.I think the straw that broke it in my mind was that during one of the worst days in my life (having an MRI of the brain) due to unexplained dizziness...I saw in his palm pilot that he had met "Hillary" for coffee and when I asked about it he had 3 different stories.He had done other things like plan on stopping off in Hawaii during a business trip and telling me nothing about it until a hotel confirmation came in the mail-which my daughter retrieved from the mailbox.Last year he did our taxes on-line and he wouldn't even tell me what my return was.I was a stay at home mom who babysat and worked when I could find a job to revovle around his schedule.I raised his child from his prior marriage for 12 years..he went to school and advanced his career.I now am punished because during that last year I started talking to my ex because I had questions about what had happened between us I wanted answers to-I told my husband I was going to talk him.Turns out that I talked to him more than the one I lived with and we were under the same roof,he checked everyday to see I was okay.I couldn't drive or anything for 2 years.I have no relationship with my daughter and was uninvited to her baby shower-I see very little of my grand daughter and my husband acts like he is now the peacemaker and wants everyone to get along.I live in an efficency and work full time in a grocery store.I have asked for nothing and have not used any joint account or credit card,etc since the day I left.I have to pay taxes this year.I am living with my ex-I could not afford to live on my own.I just don't know what to do.I can see that the husband is being taken advantage of and the debt is piling up-he just bought a $300 car seat.Any suggestions would be appreciated. :confused:

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googledad
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Re: Not Sure What To Do [Re: WonderWhy]
      #218824 - 04/04/07 12:52 PM

Have you filed for divorce ?

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WonderWhy
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Re: Not Sure What To Do [Re: googledad]
      #219045 - 04/04/07 10:35 PM

[color:blue] [/color] I haven't filed but I did speak to a lawyer for an hour and it cost me $200 and what she said was the longer I wait the better and me filing will force him to do something with the house-and I am sure that will only serve to make me even more estranged from my daughter. :(

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googledad
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Re: Not Sure What To Do [Re: WonderWhy]
      #219053 - 04/04/07 10:44 PM

Your lawyer is correct in that the financial benefits you are due will increase the longer you wait to file . Why wait and increase the stress ? Unfortunately due to VA law because you are cohabiting you will not be eligible for alimony ( adultery , don't take it wrong , I don't know ) . You are entitled to equitable distribution of all the marital assets accrued during the marriage ( including the house ) .

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WonderWhy
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Re: Not Sure What To Do [Re: googledad]
      #219151 - 04/05/07 10:13 AM

My lawyer said that unless he was giving me some type of support that where I live is not an issue.I went from a 3 level house w/inground pool to an efficeny.I have not asked for anything.We were married for 25 years during which time he got to go away during the summer and get his college degree..I was supposed to be able to get mine when he was done but there was never money enough for that and because of his frequent business trips I couldn't attend school or work outside because I had the kids all the time.The lawyer told me I could file for immediate support and I would definetly get it,it might be made less if he wanted to fight it but it would be granted.She also said I would need to do a check on anything other than his 401 he might have.I have no access to anything financial because he does it on his work computer and the security code changes daily-which is how he got away with taking my tax return.How long does a check on the finances take? I don't want a war and he doesn't want a divorce.

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googledad
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Reged: 12/31/05
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Re: Not Sure What To Do [Re: WonderWhy]
      #219360 - 04/05/07 07:04 PM

When you file for divorce each party is required to submit a statement of net worth that lists all assets and debts . If you or your attorney think it's necessary you can subpoena any relevant financial information .

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