mariejones
recently joined
Reged: 04/13/07
Posts: 2
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FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN GIVE A LITTLE FREE ADVICE CERTAINLY WOULD BE GREAT. I'M A MARRIED WOMAN OF 7 YEARS AND ALL 7 YEARS HAVE BEEN UP AND DOWN. THIS IS MY SECOND MARRIAGE AND I DO HAVE A CHILD FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. I PRESENTLY DO NOT WORK AND MY CHILD WILL GRADUATE IN MAY. IN THE MEANTIME, I DO JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSEHOLD AND HESITATE TO ASK FOR HELP BECAUSE MY HUSBAND TELLS ME TO GET MY DAUGHTER TO HELP. NOT A ONCE OR MAYBE ONCE HAS HE LIFTED A FINGER TO EITHER WASH LAUNDRY, CLEAN KITCHEN, SWEEP, MOP, MOW, COOK ON HIS FREE WHEEL. I FEEL MY HANDS ARE TIED BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A JOB RIGHT NOW AND HERE LATELY SPENDING MORE TIME WITH MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE OF HER LAST YEAR IN SCHOOL. THE GOOD THING IS SHE PLANS ON GOING TO COLLEGE. ONCE I GET HER STEERED IN THE DIRECTION THEN I CAN WORK ON ME. IN THE PAST, MY COUNSELOR MENTION TO ME THAT BOTH MY HUSBAND AND I ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. I HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO WANT THINGS AND MY HUSBAND IS HAPPY WITH WHAT HE HAS. I'M NOT ASKING FOR EXPENSIVE THINGS LIKE FOR INSTANCE. THE HOUSE WE LIVE IN ISN'T COMPLETE IT LACKS ABOUT 15% TO BE COMPLETE AND IT'S BEEN A DEAD SUBJECT SINCE HE HAD A HORSE ACCIDENT 8 YEARS AGO! HE HAD INJURED ONE ARM, WHICH IS ABOUT 90% BETTER THEN IT WAS 8 YEARS AGO. BUT IT DOESN'T EVEN OCCUR FOR HIM TO FINISH. HE'S BOUGHT UNNECESSARY THINGS IN THE PAST BUT YET HIS COMMENTS ARE THEY WILL HELP HIM TO MAKE MONEY. I TELL HIM ALL THE TIME HE HAS HIS PRIORITY ALL BACKWARDS. I'M SO STRESSED OUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. I CAN'T LOSE ANY WEIGHT I'M 25 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT, I CAN'T WORK BECAUSE THINGS GET IN THE WAY SO NO JOB WILL ALLOW FOR ME TO TAKE OFF SO AGAIN THIS IS WHY I HAVE TO HOLD OFF A LITTLE LONGER. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I WILL BE HEADED FOR ONCE MY CHILD GRADUATES AND IT'S JUST ME AND HIM?
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mariejones
recently joined
Reged: 04/13/07
Posts: 2
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RUN!
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Grace
addict
Reged: 08/19/04
Posts: 404
Loc: KY
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Did you just ask yourself a question. . . and then answer it?
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Dyslexic agnostics don't believe in Dog.
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Spring
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 7972
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I could have misunderstood...but this is what I got:
You have been married seven years and are unhappy that you must do all the things around the house. Your hubby supports you financially because you choose not to work(because "things" get in the way??)Your hubby won't help you around the house. You don't like that he won't "complete" the house?
What's your question?
Honestly...and I don't mean this in a harsh way....but if you don't work, you have an able bodied teen....and your husband financially supports you, I think you SHOULD do all the work around the house and your daugyter SHOULD be helping you. What do you do all day while your daughter is at school and your husband is at work? What about the house needs to be completed? Can you do it?
Did I miss something? Maybe I need more details, because right now..the way I understand it, I think you are the one with the misplaced priorities.
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Never consider the possibility of failure; as long as you persist, you will be successful.
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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It seems like what you want is a completed house that's clean, a happy and well-adjusted child and to be thinner. Then...you need some direction in your life because you won't be able to lay your stagnant personal growth on parenting.
Well....she graduates next month and will be off to college in four months. Well done. So...that's one thing out of the way.
If you do lots of housework and yardwork, with maybe some home-improvement things tossed in....those pounds will melt away. Two birds with one stone. You could probably even do that in 4 or 5 months.
Then....what then? Go to college? Get a job? The world is at your disposal. What a lovely place to be!
In the meantime, your daughter is gone from the house at least 8 hours a day on her goals, and I would guess your spouse is working at *least* 8 hours a day for your family. That leaves you at least 8 hours a day to work toward your goals and for your family.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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I thought the same thing until I read about his injury and started that he's "happy with what he has", and I wondered if he's on disability and also home. Didn't sound like anyone in the house is working, but not sure.
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Char Fox
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Patrice
addict
Reged: 07/21/06
Posts: 401
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I think you need a job, ASAP. (If not now, then immediately after graduation.)
Lots of women with kids of varying ages have jobs and either fit in the "things" that are going on, or have to juggle some of the "things".
Even a part-time job would get you out of the house and give you a focus other than the unfinished parts of the house and your lack of help from your husband. I agree with Spring, it seems like you are the one with time on your hands, not your husband. Please correct me if this is wrong.
You need a focus outside of the house and some independence.
Last thing, I think you need to take ownership of your weight loss issue. 25 lbs is not that severely overweight, but how can you blame anyone but yourself?
Sorry to be so critical, but Spring got me thinking. (Blame him/her . . . just kidding.)
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To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
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Spring
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 7972
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"Sorry to be so critical, but Spring got me thinking. (Blame him/her . . . just kidding.)"
Haha...I'm a "her", lol.
Almostheaven...exactly that, we need more details!!
Couple of things I am confused about...does husband work? I assume so because she doesn't so someone must be bringing in money.
Why would the OP not work? I could be wrong, but I don't know a whole lot of grads that require a lot of attention. Maybe there are other circumstances...I'm curious as to what "things" would get in the way? Like Patrice says...we all have things we could be, would be doing if we didn't have to work.
Patrice makes some excellent points...a focal point other than the things that aren't complete in her home could be healthy. Gosh, I have a dozen things not complete in my house...my bathroom remodel, my flooring overhaul...my roof that has to be replaced this year..etc. We'll get too it when we can...cause we have to work!!
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Never consider the possibility of failure; as long as you persist, you will be successful.
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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okay now that was interesting - sure your name is not Sybill..??
if you chose to make excuses as to why you can't work and decide to stay at home - then your job is the house, yard and all manner of work involved - that would be your part in pitching in your half of the relationship.
your husband works and is providing for you to stay home, he works and is providing for a child that is not his and you are bemoaning for what reason exactly...because she should have chores.....??
you also live in the house, if you want if "finished" then make it happen. you don't know how - good - go to Home Depot or Lowe's and do their free clinic how-to-do classes and then you will be just as knowledgeable as the next person. you will find that these classes will not interfer with your hectic schedule either.
your weight is another issue that is nobody's responsibility but your own. extenstive yard work and spring cleaning will help you in that corner.
stop making pathetic excuses.
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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If your husband is working and you are not, you need to do home chores. My DH only helps when I need furniture moved(I can't lift heavy things). I pay a neighbor to cut our grass. Everything else I do with help from my kids. That is fair. You are asking to much of him.
As for the weight. If you are able, there is no reason you can't pop in a workout video or take walks. Join a gym if you can afford it.
Woman can do home improvements just as well as men most the time. Try it you might like it.
My mom is this way with my dad and I hate it. He retired after 37 years from the board of ed and now works at Walmart. His 2 days off is spent doing work inside and outside the house and/or taking her places. If he falls asleep during the day she gets mad but he is tired and has a sleeping disorder. I dislike this about my mom and your daughter could end up doing the same.
If not you are going to make her think the same way you do. My sister thinks the same way as my mom. She is going to grow up depending on a man for things and thinking she gets to sit back and make him do everything.
He is supporting you. Keep it up and he might leave before you do. Give the man a break.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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Well, in my situation, I dont work either, so I do everything I can in the house. All of it. And I dont complain because he is at work, supporting us. That is how it works when you stay at hom eand dont work. If he is busy, I even mow the yard. He does it when he has time, which isnt often, but I draw the line at weed-eating. Maybe his priorities arent so much wrong as just different than your priorities? Nobody can tell you what you are headed for when you child graduates and it is just you and him. That all depends on how you two work it out. How agreeable and willing to compromise both of you are. There is no reason your daughter cant help. Mine help me and they are 7, 9 and 10. As long as they are being supported by my husband, they will continue to help. There shouldnt be much for him to have to do at home if he works full-time.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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>>>>>If your husband is working and you are not, you need to do home chores.<<<<<
I'm a stay home mom. My hubby works about 60 hours a week. I do ALL the home chores, except mow the lawn. Can't run a riding mower with an 18 mo. old in tow.
>>>>>As for the weight. If you are able, there is no reason you can't pop in a workout video or take walks. Join a gym if you can afford it.<<<<<
Yup. Before I was an SAHM, I worked 40 hours a week AND went to school 2 to 3 nights a week. Yet I STILL lost over 100 pounds through eating right and exercising regularly. And my motto since has been...If I can, anyone can. You don't even wanna know the number of failed diets I was on before that. Losing weight is a mindset. YOU have to get there, not your hubby, not your kids, no one but you. And you have to get there for the right reasons. I tried before to look good...no go. I tried for boyfriends...huh uh. I decided to lose weight for health. I'm 100+ pounds down and holding since 2004 on a regime I started in 2002.
>>>>>Woman can do home improvements just as well as men most the time. Try it you might like it.<<<<<
I must. After installing a new medicine cabinet (with bro's help), laying peal and stick tile and painting (on my own), and caulking the bath, after hanging interior shutters in the kitchen (only asked hubby to drill through the concrete and metal frames for me), framing my shelves and adding bi-fold doors to them, putting up a spindle rail on my shelf, painting and staining and cutting and nailing up baseboards and trim, stippling and painting my walls and hanging border (ALL on my own) in my kitchen....I'm somewhat done. Just gotta put up a new door on the shed and install a new tub surround upstairs. But for now, I'm working on my parents bathroom for something new to do. LOL And I've just learned most of it as I went.
I just wish the OP would come back and clarify. Because of things she stated, I got the impression that they may both be sitting home, that he may be on disability. If that's the case, the only thing that changes is the work around the house and the improvements. But again, if he won't, just get up and do it yourself or get out. Complaining isn't going to make it happen. YOU have to make it happen or dump it.
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Char Fox
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MommyAlisha
old hand
Reged: 02/22/07
Posts: 931
Loc: Wesy Virginia
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Congrats on the weight loss.
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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Add to all the other suggestions for your time at home, 'how to use an internet board'. Two basic rules: don't post in ALL CAPS, and don't respond to your own post like you're someone else.
Bottom line is that the only person responsible for your happiness is YOU; if you're not happy, put on your Big Girl Panties and make changes.
Consider them carefully though, as there are many women on this board, AND out in the real world, who would love to be in the position you're in with:
1) A Husband who provides for her and a child that isn't his.
2) A house that is only 15% from being completed.
3) The financial ability to stay at home and still keep the lights, heat, internet and food on the table.
4) Only 25lbs to lose.
The grass isn't always greener, and your counselor is right about one thing - you have the potential to want things. I only hope s/he also mentioned that YOU are the only one that can do the work to get them.
Keep playing the victim, or get *yourself* motivated to make changes.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Quote "
1) A Husband who provides for her and a child that isn't his.
2) A house that is only 15% from being completed.
3) The financial ability to stay at home and still keep the lights, heat, internet and food on the table.
4) Only 25lbs to lose."
I believe this is the formula for a guy about to get screwed in a divorce settlement. I wonder if he knows how much liability he has taken on ? Poor guy...
And later on when she posts again you'all will be explaining what she is "entitled" to...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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NO ONE here has talked about what she's "entitled" to except YOU, moron.
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Char Fox
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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The damned thread is a month old! Stop dredging up stuff to troll!
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Char Fox
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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You're assuming he knows how to tell time. He's made a regular habit of pulling up old posts to start crap.
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