SillyDaddy
journeyman
Reged: 03/30/05
Posts: 88
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My STBX for some reason feels the need to share information with me that I either don't need to know about or don't want to know about. I have told her several times that I really don't wish to hear about her day to day affairs or her sexual affairs. She just doesn't get it. I only want to discuss issues concerning our daughter. I don't want to hear about her almost getting a DWI. I don't want her sending me text messages at 3am telling me who she is with and where he works just in case something bad happens to her. I don't care to hear about her new 2nd boyfriend taking a shower with her niece. I don't want to hear her talk about her getting it on with women in bars or 3somes with her boyfriends and other women.
All she is doing is further proving that she is still not responsible. This is self-destructive behavior. I know. I could just hang up the phone which would just make her angry. I want to have a relationship based on raising our daughter. She agrees, however she thinks I care about all this crap for some reason. She does not associate with these people in front of our daughter to my knowledge, however I can't help but thimk that it is only a matter of time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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alabama
enthusiast
Reged: 02/14/05
Posts: 228
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[quote] I don't want to hear about her almost getting a DWI. I don't want her sending me text messages at 3am telling me who she is with and where he works just in case something bad happens to her. I don't care to hear about her new 2nd boyfriend taking a shower with her niece. I don't want to hear her talk about her getting it on with women in bars or 3somes with her boyfriends and other women.[/quote]
huh?.......say what?.......
Your daughter being around this person is your problem...
As long as your daughter is around her you DO need to care about what your STBX is doing...
This ain't about you buddy...this is about your child...wake up...
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alabama
enthusiast
Reged: 02/14/05
Posts: 228
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Hey SillyDaddy...beyond the obvious protection that your daughter needs and the psychological problems of your stbx...there are two other things that come to mind...
1. Your stbx needs to be fitted with a tracking device and studied by behavioral specialists...
2. Your stbx should have her own show on HBO...
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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um... who has custody??? Because if its not you, it should be.
Hanging out in bars, driving drunk, and having sex with multiple partners in this day and age is irresponsibility at its worst. How would your daughter feel if mommy's 'friends' gave her a life threatening disease? Or if somebody she picked up in a bar attacked her and seriously hurt her? Or she wrapped her car around a tree because she DIDNT get caught DWI?
WTH? Women (and men) that live like that when they have children, with such blatant disregard for how their actions could affect their child(ren), don't deserve custody, IMHO.
I know that your original question was how to get it across to her to quit sharing. I realize that hearing that crap is irritating, but at least you have some idea of whats going on. If she didn't tell you what was going on in her life, is that really a good thing?
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SillyDaddy
journeyman
Reged: 03/30/05
Posts: 88
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OK, I thought I was in the right. I have/had a good female friend that I started getting serious with several months after my STBX moved out. She was having trouble understanding why I thought it was important to keep as open of a line with my STBX as I could. The things I listed were just the latest in a long string of events/decisions in her life that I don't agree with. I DO have my daughter about 70-75% of the time as it is. Her Mom obviously has some issues, but because of how "open" she is with me I really honestly believe she has not exposed her lifestyle to our daughter.....yet. She has agreed to let me take the roll of Managing Conservator legally giving me 70/30 physical custody. Do I trust her word? I don't know that I do.
Alabama, you are right. This is about my daughter. That was the point I was trying to make to my friend. Plus she had me so confused I guess I wanted to make sure I wasn't going insane. As for the tracking device and an HBO special, well you may be on to something. lol No really, Thank you both for confirming my thoughts on the matter.
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SillyDaddy
journeyman
Reged: 03/30/05
Posts: 88
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>>>>>>>>>>WTH? Women (and men) that live like that when they have children, with such blatant disregard for how their actions could affect their child(ren), don't deserve custody, IMHO.<<<<<<<<<<
I agree, however it is my word against her word. Taking the MC roll at this point seems to me like the best way for me to go. I am sure my 70% custody will eventually increase to 85% or more.
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alabama
enthusiast
Reged: 02/14/05
Posts: 228
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[quote] I am sure my 70% custody will eventually increase to 85% or more. [/quote]
STOP RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE SILLYDADDY...
Go get some professional help on this...this is over your head...you need counseling, documentation...etc...
Call your pastor, call your local Dept. of Public Health...talk to your attorney...get a second opinion from another attorney...get in touch with a counseling group...
DO NOT make any more assumptions about what you may or may not need to do...you DO NOT have the expertise to deal with this...
YOUR STBX IS PUTTING YOUR CHILD IN DANGER WITH HER BEHAVIOR...
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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...and don't let her TELLING you that she has the childs best interest at heart, or any sentimentality on your part convince you that the situation is not as bad as it sounds. IT IS.
Her ACTIONS are detrimental to the best interest of your child. If she wasn't being selfish and putting her need to have a good time above your daughters need for a stable and secure mother, she wouldn't be doing the things she's doing. She's out for herself first, and watching out for your daughter second. Your daughter deserves better.
If your lawyer isn't after this like a starving pitbull on a garbage can, get a different lawyer!
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SillyDaddy
journeyman
Reged: 03/30/05
Posts: 88
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OK, let me say first of all I DO agree with you both. However it is my word against her word. I am currently not working. I have been trying to get a job, but have had little luck. A big part of my time has been spent tending to my daughter and supporting her emotionally. Something her Mother does not do. I recently got off of probation. Misdemeanor Resisting Arrest. I went out & got drunk after catching her lying about sleeping with a woman. I was crushed and like an idiot I agreed to give her a chance to prove her love to me. Didn't end up that way as we all know obviously. I paid for my mistake. I lost my job over it. However I learned a lot from it too and sought help.
I don't have the expertise. You are right there. I will not allow my daughter to be in danger though. Like I said, my STBX's behavior has only gotten worse/REALLY bad in the past 2-3 weeks, so I have been focused on my daughter and her needs. I really think my STBX has had some suicidal thoughts.....pure speculation based upon what she says and how she says it. i.e. tone of her voice. I write down EVERYTHING and journal about it, so I am doing OK with documentation. Still my word vs her word. Again, I don't disagree with you, however I wanted to make you aware of what was going on a little more so you wouldn't assume I was clueless.
Oh yea, as far as my "friend" I told her it would be best if she left for good. I have too much going on to have to deal with her questioning everything that goes on. I can't focus any on her because I have to focus on my daughter and me and getting through all of this.
I appreciate your concern though because it confirms that I am not alone in thinking I need to find a way to get sole custody of my daughter.
Here are a few things from some of my past posts to help you even better understand.
I am having trouble trying to figure out what is going to be best for my daughter in the long run. She really doesn't like to stay with her Mom and most of the time my STBX is fabricating one of her famous excuses in order to get our daughter out of her hair and having me or my Mom watch her because she is sick with this, that or whatever it is that week or she has to work late, or she has an office party or she has "plans". Our daughter spends less time at her Mom's every month since our seperation. On Mother's day our daughter (5) told her Mom that she couldn't love her til she was 10 and whated to go spend the night with Daddy. My STBX was so upset that she told me she was NOT going to keep her overnight and when I told her I couldn't watch her because of plans she told me that she would just drop her off at my place then. I cancled my plans and had a long talk with my daughter about acting the way she did towards her Mom and how that was not very nice of her and how it hurt her Mom's feelings. Of cource I can't really blame her. She always tells me that Mommies don't play games or play outside because only kids and Daddies do that. Mommies work on the computer.
I don't have the money for a lawyer. She had the affairs and filed and says it is all my fault. I really don't know what to do now. The 60 day mark is nearing since she filed. I wish her Mom would act more like a Mom, but she is selfish and has an excuse or justification for everything she does or doesn't do. I am so fed up with her headgames and lack of respect for others. I believe a child needs both parents, but I feel like I am the only one that really cares about doing what is really in the best interest of our daughter. :confused: Any advice?
As of 5/13.....In the past 95 days my daughter has spent the night with me a total of 56 times and has stayed at her Mom's a total of 39 times. Out of those 39 times she has been in her Mother's custody there has been 3 times I have taken care of our daughter for 6 hour blocks when she had to work on Saturday. There have been 11 Mondays (her Mom's day) that I had to take my daughter to dance class...pick up at 5:30 & drop off at her Mother's at about 7:30. Then there is the Wednesday morning speech thearpy class 12 days that I had to take my daughter to. I had to pick her up at her Mother's by 7:45, to school by 8:00 until 8:30 and then to her daycare. So there are only 13 days that I have not had face to face contact with my daughter out of the past 95 days.
I am honestly concerned for my daughter's future. I know her Mom loves her, but I also know that she puts herself first all the time. Every time. I love my daughter more than anything. That's why I took her to dance and speech. I made sacrifices, and I would do it all over again if I had to.
My 5YO daughter has been putting Mom & Dad back together in her head over the past few days and expressing it. She asked how long til she turns 6. I made a calendar and helped her figure out that it would be 10 months. Her response was "and you and Mommie can be back together then right?" "Absolutely not sweetheart" was my response. I then re-explained that we both love her and that nothing will ever change that love but Mommies & Daddies sometimes have to stop living with each other because they don't love each other any more or they fight too much and that she is at in no way at fault. Her Mother ignores her a lot of the time. I think my daughter is viewing that and thinking her Mommie is mad at her.
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alabama
enthusiast
Reged: 02/14/05
Posts: 228
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So SillyDaddy...does the gift of bullsh*t run deep in your family?..
I got you nailed sucker...your too lazy to get off your a** and get your life on track...
And worse...your too lazy to even fight for your daughters life...you can't even work up the energy to ask for help...
I fear for your child's life...I fear for your child's future...
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