KLINKS1275
newbie
Reged: 01/27/07
Posts: 43
Loc: ny
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I have a question in ref to STBX going on vacation during my sons break from school without him or his sister. Here is the problem that I have. I went to pick my children up from my STBX for visitation one day and she advised me that my kids would be going to her sisters for the week that my son was off from school and I was totally suprised to the fact that she never even picked up the phone to ask me would I be able to watch them during this break. I love my children more than life and this bothered me something fierce. Her answer to my being upset was that she just figured that I had to work. I was heart broken that a person that I spent 13 yrs with would do this to me and be able to get away with it. To make the story even more sad is the fact that I picked my children up for the week and she didnt even call to say hello to them until almost 2 days later and claimed that her cellphone didnt get a signal and was unable to call. well I told her that she should provide some sort of phone # for emergency reasons and was told NO. The whole thing was a complete mystery to me and my family. My question is aren't you supposed to provide some sort of emergency contact # when you go away? and shouldn't she have to provide where she will be ?
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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Unless you and your STBX are fighting out the divorce, I wouldn't read too much into her intentions. You're not divorced yet so you are both still adjusting to how things will be with the kids in two separate households.
With that said, should she have talked to you about where the kids would stay? Most certainly. Should she provide you with an emergency number? Of course. If there's one avail she definitely should, even if its just to her sister, and her sister can get ahold of her.
I don't think she should have to tell you where she'll be. You're getting divorced, and as long as the kids are safe, and her family knows where she is, well, get used to hearing this: its none of your business anymore. Its a hard fact of divorce that there will be time when neither of you are going to know where the other is or what they're doing. That will be a tough adjustment after 13yrs of knowing each others every move, but its the truth.
For this instance though there isn't much you can do now. Just make sure that you have it added to your custody agreement that each parent has ROFR and provides at least one # for emergencies.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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OKay, it sounds like you ended up having the kids for the week and that's a good thing. Yes she should have asked you to take them to begin with, but when people are divorcing they rarely do what they SHOULD do. There is a saying that goes "You don't know someone until you divorce them." That is SO true. You need to get used to her doing things that knock the wind out of you.
Now as for her not calling for 2 days. I have to disagree that it's "sad" that she didn't. Be glad that she gives you uninterrupted time with the kids and doesn't call 4 times a day.
She should have given an emergency number, but maybe she just didn't want you to have the details of where she was. The way I see it is that if something happens and you don't have a number that's on her. She can't blame you for making decisions without you. I can promise you that if you over analyze her reasons for everything she does you are in for a very long couple of decades.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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CiCi
addict
Reged: 03/28/07
Posts: 493
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My STBX and I have it written in our parenting plan - legal document addendum of the Judgment and Decree - that we must provide each other with emergency contact information when the other travels. My STBX travels a lot for work - out of the country - and often leaves me without a way to contact him. Once, our daughter cut her eye and had to get 32 stitches at the ER and I had no way of letting him know. The down side for him is that had it been something life threatening, he would not have been given any opportunity to give his input because I wouldn't know how to contact him.
It's also actually spelled out in our parenting plan (this language was provided by both of our lawyers) that each parent have first right of refusal when it comes to parenting time. I think (just my opinion) that she definitely should be asking you first if you can spend the time with your children.
If you can, keep the lines of communication open with your STBX - tell her that in the future, you would very much like to have the opportunity to ask off of work so that you can be with your children while she goes away.
I hope you can work it out.
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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
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KLINKS1275
newbie
Reged: 01/27/07
Posts: 43
Loc: ny
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Thank you for your replies they were very helpful.
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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Consider yourself lucky. I am the CP. NCP is going out of town for a month. He didn't bother to let me know or plan any make-up time with our DS3 and DD1.
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mommy2boys
addict
Reged: 06/01/05
Posts: 497
Loc: Louisiana
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KLINKS,
Unfortunately not all parents think logically in marriage or after divorce. Although most of us consider providing an emergency phone number to their X spouse important when they are out of town in case something would happen, there are some former spouses that WON'T provide local phone numbers either. I haven't had a phone number to contact my X in case of emergency since Nov and we live 3 miles apart.
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