Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26678
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My personal take is that there is nothing wrong with alimony. It should enable the less financially able spouse to get back on their feet, to a lifestyle that they are capable of living decently. It should not be awarded for a lifetime to any spouse. There are sacrifices made by both spouses in every marriage, and that is a partnership whether you like it or not. When the marriage is dissolved, then both should be able to live their own lives, that takes time financially, but when it happens the alimony should end.
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TGSM
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/06/05
Posts: 5843
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Alimony was okay until it began to be misused and utilzed as punishment, not as betterment to her life. Agree or not, that's how *I* feel about it. She did not use it to better her life, get a degree or a better job. She used it as a tool to hurt my husband and ultimately her own son when he came to live with us. She avoided marriage to keep it coming in and now she is going to marry some guy she has known 4 months because it is ending...she's a user. JMHO
One of my best friends got alimony after an 18 year marriage (She was a SAHM.) She went back to school and got a degree and is now a HS teacher making decent money. Her XH paid his alimony faithfully...he was ordered to pay for 9 years, she ended it ON HER OWN 3 years early after she got her degree and a good job. Now that's a situation that ended up fair.
As far as a 60, 70 or 80 year old person getting alimony. I did say, 1/2 the length of the marriage was fair in many cases. If you are dealing with a person who is 60, 70 or 80 and was in a long term marriage, most likely 1/2 the length of the marriage is going to be lifetime for him or her. :0)
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Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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She did not use it to better her life, get a degree or a better job. She avoided marriage to keep it coming in and now she is going to marry some guy she has known 4 months because it is ending...she's a user.
---> Hmmmmm...because she didn't "better" herself...she is a "user"; because she is remarrying AFTER alimony ends...she is a "user"; because she's only know her future husband for four months...she is a "user". Would she still be a "user" if she had "bettered" herself, but is still remarrying AFTER her alimony ends? Would she still be a "user" if she didn't "better" herself, but remarried BEFORE alimony ended? Would she still be a "user" is she wasn't getting remarried? Would she still be a "user" if she had know this guy for several years?
---> I don't think ending alimony early or going the distance makes you a "better" or "worse" a person. While I think not using transitional support to better oneself is foolish...it not for me to "dis" someone for doing or rather...not doing something I would/wouldn't do differently.
---> As for your friend...would you feel differently about her if she hadn't given up her alimony?
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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TGSM
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/06/05
Posts: 5843
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Is there a point to this playing 20 questions Gecko? Obviously my feelings about BM are based upon our exact situation. We could speculate all day long with the what if's...if your point is that situations vary, then I'll gladly give you that. I was speaking to my situation.
If someone is using their alimony to better their situation and make a life for themselves outside their ended marriage, then bullyroo for them.
Oh and to the last question, yes I would have felt differently about my friend if she had bled her ex dry just because she legally could have. I think she did the honorable thing...she bettered herself, made a life for herself outside and apart from her ex-husband, then cut him loose.
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Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster
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txks1151
enthusiast
Reged: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
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Example in my current alimony situation..
My Ex gets $1900/mo from me. I pay the Mortgage and her car payment, she gets about $510 a month in cash. She also gets $650 a month in SSI.
She has no bills besides Power, Car insurance ($100) and Phone. ($65).
No other bills, I got stuck with them all.
So she has abotu $700+ a month to live on. She could/can live on that while she finds a job and gets up to speed. Her alimony only ends if she remarries prior to April 2011.
But, instead of setting herself up for long term success, she is "fire-saleing" off the house and car, to get more cash a month. That way she can live well without working.
(this is what she told my father last week)
So instead of using my money to better herself, I believe her plan is to live well, string boyfriend along until near the end of the alimony (4 more years) and then marry the next sucker who will support her lazy behind.
But, I'm biased and jaded that she has more money than me every month (taking her SSI into account) and does not lift a freaking finger for it.
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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[quote]Example in my current alimony situation..
My Ex gets $1900/mo from me. I pay the Mortgage and her car payment, she gets about $510 a month in cash. She also gets $650 a month in SSI.
She has no bills besides Power, Car insurance ($100) and Phone. ($65).
No other bills, I got stuck with them all.
So she has abotu $700+ a month to live on. She could/can live on that while she finds a job and gets up to speed. Her alimony only ends if she remarries prior to April 2011.
But, instead of setting herself up for long term success, she is "fire-saleing" off the house and car, to get more cash a month. That way she can live well without working.
(this is what she told my father last week)
So instead of using my money to better herself, I believe her plan is to live well, string boyfriend along until near the end of the alimony (4 more years) and then marry the next sucker who will support her lazy behind.
But, I'm biased and jaded that she has more money than me every month (taking her SSI into account
) and does not lift a freaking finger for it. [/quote]
SSI is a needs based program and at $500+ a month with no living expenses, she does not qualify and it defrauding the government.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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Is there a point to this playing 20 questions Gecko?
---> Yes.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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All the money you pay toward her bills counts as income. I can't believe she still qualifies for SSDI.
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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[quote]All the money you pay toward her bills counts as income. I can't believe she still qualifies for SSDI. [/quote]
SSI and SSDI are differnt. ON SSDI, you can be worth a lot, stay under around $1000 a month and still qualifiy. If someone pays for your house, it wouldnt matter. It's what you actually earn.
SSI is needs based (you also need a rent/mortgage payment), where any money coming in is offset. She would qualify for SSDI but not SSI. The SSA obviously does not know about her $$ coming in nor her living arrangements.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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TGSM
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/06/05
Posts: 5843
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Oh good! I would have hated to think it was meaningless blather...
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Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster
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