Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
I would suggest they job share if possible. The money is not the bes but at least they are not out of the work force totally. I have done well teaching online college courses. The money is about a third of my potential income but I can work from home, make money, and my kids do not have to be in daycare and are still able to do their extras.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
Susanf31
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 10630
|
|
Spinnders, I hear what you are saying, but your case is not "typical."
You and your wife do not have children together. You were not raising kids while getting your nursing degree...nor while you were building your life.
Your wife had the blessing of having sisters and others to help her with her child. Not all parents have such resources available to them.
I'm talking about a typical, young couple, married, raising kids, building careers, all at the same time.
As far as I know, you don't have any kids of your own, right? And both you and your wife had your education and careers in "full swing" when you married??
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
I'm talking about a typical, young couple, married, raising kids, building careers, all at the same time.
+++++++++++++++++++
That comes down to personal decision making and being accountable for your decisions. My brother gripes 24/7 about his dead end job. He shoulda/coulda finsished college instead of drinking away four years of his life and pissing away my parent's money. His choices his consequence.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
Susanf31
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 10630
|
|
I would suggest they job share if possible. The money is not the bes but at least they are not out of the work force totally. I have done well teaching online college courses. The money is about a third of my potential income but I can work from home, make money, and my kids do not have to be in daycare and are still able to do their extras.
+++++++
Miranda, I've been reading many, many articles on this...and that stats are overwhelming.
Sure, you are doing OK working partime, but that's probably because you have a spouse working fulltime, no? If you weren't married, could you afford to work parttime and be there for the kids?
The "cost" of working parttime is great. You aren't building a retirement acouunt as you would be working fulltime. You aren't building social security credits as you would be working fulltime. You are missing out on years of raises based on a full-time salary.
Your husband is losing out on none of that. YOu are the only one bearing those costs. He's not making the same sacrifices for the kids as you are.
There's a real COST to not working or working only partime. Sounds like your entire family is BENEFITING from what you are doing, but only you will suffer the financial impact should a divorce occur.
|
nrvouswrk
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/13/06
Posts: 2362
|
|
Instead of advocating that women are victims in a paternalistic society and deserve money you should advocate that women should become self reliant BEFORE marrying and having kids. I hope your daugthers grow to be independent educated women, before falling in love and being dependent on a man.
++++++++++
Perfect response!
If I had had a daughter, instead of raising her to think there was someone out there to support her, I would raise her to be self supporting.
Susan, I don't think someone staying at home contributes to my success. Again, there would be NOTHING they could be doing for me that I couldn't do for myself. THEY would be the ones who would be benefiting from MY labor. They would have room and board, food, insurance, clothes,a car, all provided for them. For what? They scrubbed a floor, cooked a meal, and watched the kids? NO!
I could hire Molly Maids to clean the house. I am a good cook, so I could do the dinner. Pizza Hut delivers to my area, so there would be that option. To watch the kids, there is preschool. There have been big pushes in the last few years in regards to kids being better prepared for school if they had gone to preschool, so even the kids would be benefiting.
So how in God's name would I be benefiting by someone staying at home? Not one thing you mentioned I couldn't contract out for less money than it would cost me to support someone who stayed at home.
The bonus here would also be that I could fire them if they didn't do the job correctly. Do you think I could fire my husband as easily?
As for the issue about having 3 children. I have one. I would have liked to have had 3. I could only afford one.
Don't have more kids than you can afford to support. Very few people these days are ignorant about the birds and the bees.
|
spinnerdegrassi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/20/06
Posts: 8013
|
|
Actually I got my BSN during the marriage. I had my 1st bachelors in comp sci prior to marriage. I did my degree PT while working FT with my wife on the road, and again...myself watching SD during that 2.5 year stretch of school. It was when clinicals set in that I left my IT job, and split my time between school, and working from home.
My wife did have the help of family, but she was also astute enough to recognize the ability to structure her career around their help.
You have to understand, I came into SD's life when she was 3 going on 4 years old. For close to 9 of the past 12 years (8 years of marriage and the one year we lived together prior to marriage) I have predominantly raised SD in the time she is in the household if one were to "count days" based on me looking after SD alone vs the two of us here together to raise her.
However, I don't honestly feel that I have been hindred as a result of it, nor do I feel it stopped me from making career changing decision, or hurt my financial ability to earn.
But again, this is all subjective depending on the individual scenario and each case would have to be looked at on a case by case basis.
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
I don't understand what you are talking about.
Sure we are all benefitting from each other. If my H did not make the money he makes I would not be sitting at home working part time I would be working full time.
I have my social security credits fufilled so I am not sure what you are talking about. I don't plan on receiving social security so I have my own retirement IRA, CD's, investments.
Sure I have forgone income, but if I wanted to I could jump into a full time position as I have never really been out of the workforce. Having an education under your belt gives you options.
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19891
Loc: Third rock from the sun
|
|
I think my main objection to it is that I think that the money a person makes is their own.
---> Then why bother getting married...why not stay single?
The poster that started this whole debate said that his wife refused to work, spent a lot of money, he still took care of the kids, yet he is stuck paying her all this money for quite some time. Where and how should she be entitled to it?
---> First of all...this discussion has NOTHING to do with that particular post.
---> Second...in that particular instance...you're forgetting that they BOTH made choices. He could have choose...at any time...to NOT stay married if it was REALLY that big of an issue. Sure you might argue that he stayed married for the "sake of the kids", but that's just an excuse.
1)Transitional - You mentioned that this applies mostly to SAHP. Here I feel they had pleanty of time to obtain training while they weren't working. Kids go to school or take naps...the opportunity to take classes on line could have been utilized. Also most schools have day care available for the students, so they could have been working on an education.
---> First of all...do you have any idea how expensive "online" classes are...especially if you are working towards a degree? Minimum of $300 PER class + fees...I checked. The majority of parents who become SAHPs do so because they can't afford the cost of daycare, so what makes you think they can afford the cost of college...especially with only one wage earner. And IF the college has daycare...none of our CCs do, and the local university doesn't do it for free...it's usually at a reduced fee.
---> Second...why?
3)Maintenance - NO. Just because you keep house for someone shouldn't entitle you to their earnings. If you are working and don't make as much as the other spouse, then that is too bad. Not everything in life is equal.
---> This isn't about "keeping house" or "wages"...it's about the loss of expectations and adequate compensation for that loss in excess of inadequate marital distribution.
--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
|
Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
|
|
Don't we all have forgone income? If my husband was not a Air Force pilot he could have been a commercial pilot making more money. He is likely equalized now in pay (with his bonus), but in his early days he made a pittance compared to what he could have.
If I never married I could be the CEO of Build a Bear or something. I guess we all have choices in life don't we? It just seem some of us live with our choices and some of us expect others to pay for our choices...
--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!
|
Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19891
Loc: Third rock from the sun
|
|
Sounds like lots of what if's that should have been considered before marriage and before having kids.
---> Huh? I don't think anyone PLANS to have a handicap child or not being able to afford something.
--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
[Re: 
Edit
Reply
Quote
