PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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"If I had done that to my parents, the allegations of abuse would have become a reality because my mom would have kicked my butt as soon as we got home from therapy!"
I NEVER thought of it from that POV. You are so right. My dad would have buried me 6ft under and I would never have seen the light of day again..
Ahhh, wishing for the "good ole days"...
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Debbie_L
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/06/05
Posts: 2031
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Luckily my daughter wouldn't ever dream of such an accusation (she's 14), but if she did I would just laugh right in her face and call her bluff. If living with me was so terrible, we'd see how well she could do on her own, lol.
Some teenagers are a real handful (and obviously this girl has other issues). I don't wish it on anyone!
A friend of my Mom's always says "The aliens get them at that age. They usually return sometime in their 20's."
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19804
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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But something caught my eye. You said that she's 16 and you haven't spanked in over "a year." No stepfather should be spanking a girl well into her teens!
---> Are you sure something wasn't IN it because he said "she is almost 16". So that would have made her 14 the last time and that is NOT "well into her teens". Hell..youngest daughter WAS 16 when I laid my hand on her ass in a corrective manner...but one hard swatt was all it took to straighten out her attitude.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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Debbie_L
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/06/05
Posts: 2031
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My daughter is 14 and I cannot imagine laying a hand on her at this point for correction. I did spank when she was little (she wasn't a kid that required it much anyways). My mom stopped spanking me probably by about 11 or 12 at the latest. There is no real right or wrong way I guess as long as they turn out in the end, but for me at this age I wouldn't spank her.
Luckily for me my daughter is basically a good kid with a desire to please me. She can get a bit testy (hormonal) and cheeky at times, but she's at least not doing any of the stuff I was into at that age, lol.
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19804
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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This will probably freak out people like Susan, but I remember the day my oldest nephew challenged his father's authority thinking he was too old, too big and so they squared off in the back yard...BIL left son lying on the ground (nothing was broken).
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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KrazyKat
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/05/07
Posts: 1714
Loc: Somewhere in the Middle
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You did the absolute right thing...
We tell our kids when they start acting up, "the only thing that belongs to you is your undergarments. Some things we just can't sell when you go" LOL
Makes them start thinking about what they have....
One time DD said she wanted to go live with BF, said OK pack your bag. She got suitcase out (and like you) we took it away and said, "Walmart bag" and only basic necessities that fit. LOL
After 15 mins she changed her mind and decided to stay.. LOL
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If you have a problem, build a bridge and get over it!
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KiwiGirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/09/05
Posts: 6271
Loc: Plains State
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You did right.
She is with her grandmother near your home. She will see life will go on without her and everyone will not be mourning her for too long.
You know the story about my daughter. She has not come home but who knows? But I know she was very upset when she wanted to visit us and it was not convenient. She also is not happy we are going camping this weekend to Kansas City and Worlds of Fun (with YSS scout group). She is slowly learning that life goes on.
As for the accusations, you did the right thing and turly inspired. Making her face her siblings while you told them what she told the therapist will certainly thin the ranks of her potential allies.
Hopefully grandma's TV is stuck on c-span. Good luck. I hope it has a more poisitve outcome than my daughters life to date.
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If I can't be part of the solution I insist on being most of the problem
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Susanf31
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 10630
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I don't know...
We have a guy saying he "spanked" his approx. 14 year old STEPdaughter. AND he would give them a gynecological examination himself (as teenaged girls), before he'd take them to a doctor for genital issues.
He's put that in writing.
I don't believe EITHER is appropriate STEPFATHER behavior.
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Spring
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 7972
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No critisizm from me either...I hope this move is short lived and she straightens up quick. I rather like the way you handled it.
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Never consider the possibility of failure; as long as you persist, you will be successful.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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Isn't susan the one that said she would slap the heck out of her daughters if they mouthed off to her or something? Aren't they teens? Thought so.
My dad slapped the hell out of me (and not just once) when I was 17 for mouthing off and cursing him. I deserved alot more than what I got!
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