txks1151
enthusiast
Reged: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
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My ex calls my CO 2-3 times a week. For all manner of things she wants.
The divorce was completed 26 April. It is "final" in November, she got a delay of effictive date, so she could keep insurance.
She was told not to present herself as my wife, and there is wording in the documents to that effect, as the delay was ONLY for her to keep health insurance.
This is causing career difficulty for me. You cannot get a good FITREP when your CO is on the phone being called by your ex all the time. I am constantly being called into his office to show that yes, I am paying the psychopath her $1900 a month, and no, I don't have to pay her car insurance, fix her washer and dryer, etc.
Becasue the divorce is not final, my CO has to talk to her.
What recourse do I have? My lawyer is working on it, but her lawyer has been on vacation since 20 May, and does not come back until 9 July.
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ZeeBabester
journeyman
Reged: 09/06/04
Posts: 66
Loc: CT, by the shore, with my hub...
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Give your Cdr a copy of your order, apologize to him for marrying a nut, inform him that your money goes directly from your pay to her bank account (its paid by DFAS right?) and tell him that is why you are divorcing her. Let him know he is within his rights NOT to take her calls (how the heck does she have his direct line anyway?) and if he does, he can let her know he has seen the court order and that she is to NOT contact him again. She is obviously a disturbed person and as long as he entertains her calls, she will continue to call him.
Or you could go see the JAG and see if there is anything that they can do about her constant harassment of you and your Cdr.
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~Domestic Goddess~
~All should worship at the altar that is I~
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txks1151
enthusiast
Reged: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
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She is paid via Certified check sent 1st business day of the month. As of right now, her mortgage and car payment are being paid by me in lieu of alimony.
I keep copies of the checks.
She has threatened congressionals, and when my old CO tells her I am no longer with the command, she deamaned to know where. He told her under privacy act, he cannot tell her where I went.
But, she gets the alimony check postmarked City, State and figures out where I am.. Starts calling squadrons and goes through process of elimination until she gets the right outfit.
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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do you have anything documented on your Page 2's about these calls...??
or any other negative documentation..??
if so then you certainly should present the CO with a copy of the court's proceedings and you les to show allotment to clear the air so to speak. (my ex did same thing-it sucks to have to explain yourself like a child)
he then has the option of knowing that you speak truely and can then notify the flake that any and all matters are now civil. it no longer pertains to any military pull strings.
you then need to take your documentation and file a restraining order or whatever it takes to have her cease contact.
incidentally - were you able to clear up the NFCU and commissary mess..??
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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txks1151
enthusiast
Reged: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
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Oh, and the CO has seen the order. Doesn't care. Doesnt like this becming his problem, but does not want a congressional, which she has threatened if she does not get what she wants.
Her current demands? The manuals for the waher and dryer (in the pouch on the back last I saw them), and a copy of her car registration.
I have not seen the car since September. I paid to have it re-registered in January. The new reg was sent directly to her house.
The Tax Collector (think DMV) is in a stip mall ON HER BLOCK. She cannot be bothered to walk the 200 yards there, and request a copy.. Has to send request via CO and Lawyers. which cause career issues anc cost money respectivley.
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txks1151
enthusiast
Reged: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
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No, I had to pay the NFCU checks, and the checks she bounced at the commissary.
Lawyer wants to inform her lawyer that they will be taken out of her monthly check prior to doing so, but her lawyer has been on vacation since the BS started a month ago.
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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it may sound distastefull but do yourself a favor and if all possible - maybe set yourself up for an allotment or garnishment.
I would go the allotment route if you know what I mean.
first and foremost you have easy documented proof of it being paid directly to her and then secondly it takes you out of the loop of it being sent..
then a few months before you are to stop paying, cancel it and make sure it ends and then send her the rest on your own and make sure you can track it.
maybe that will help.
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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txks1151
enthusiast
Reged: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
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The reason she is not being paid by allotment, is that until the mortgage is satisfied/refinanced, and the car sold or refinanced, her alimony varies with what bills I am paying.. being that PSD is horribly slow with changing allotments, and I cant afford to pay the $1000 mortgage or $410 car payment twice, she gets a check for the remainder.
Starting NOV1, her cash alimony drops to $1500 from $1900, and if she has refinanced or sold both the car and house, I will go on allotment then.
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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well there is no doubt that PSD is horrible at times. had many a nightmare with my pay with those jokers.
I had forgotten about how your alimony was to be paid out.
be sure to address reimbursement of legal fees for having to pay the commissary or NFCU.
your CO nneds to stop being a puss and tell her that she does not have a military matter and that you are following your court order.
as far as washer/dryer papers - that will get her laughed at in court and should by her lawyer also.
she is a big girl - she can get a copy of her own registration as she is in possession of the car.
these are just more excuses to keep tabs on you...
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26685
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Let her do the congressional, if she is such a wreck she will do it anyways. You could have the money wired directly to her account. I would tell the CO to hang up or tell her to talk to a lawyer, get a restraining order. You cannot control her, and that should be obvious to anyone. she is just harrassing you and it will end eventually, until then brief the CO on what to expect, it takes a second to hang up, or maybe two seconds totell her to call her congressman.
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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Email the airhead and tell her to go online to the DMV and order a copy of the registration.
Then tell her to go to maytag/GE/whoever's site and get the damn manual herself.
Sheesh - stupid people suck.
I'll say it again - its women like her that give the rest of us a bad name.
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pickled
recently joined
Reged: 05/09/07
Posts: 7
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yeah you know there are worse situations to be calling the CO. Since you have no kids,there shouldnt be any reason to be calling your commander, how embarrasing. No matter how much my STBX gets under my skin, i would not go to his CO for petty crap like washer dryer manuals. i want to call his CO to tell him about the problems im having, but i really don't want to interfere with his job, as my STBX is going to be apart of my life for a while because of baby. but GEEZ, tell that woman to get a grip and get a life!
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txks1151
enthusiast
Reged: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
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It's getting to the point where I may not select for LCDR because of it, and be shown the door. I have been passed over for 2 good assignments already due to my CO's being concerned about her casuing more BS that I will have to come back to CONUS to deal with.
Looked into getting a restraining/no contact order against her to stop harrassing me at work, and calling my place of employment, but since she hasn't threatened me or my cow-orkers, I cannot get one.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Unfortunately - your CO is choosing to let this be a problem. He does not have to take her calls and needs to grow a pair. Perhaps you can consult an attorney about filing a motion to modify the decree to rescind the delay of effective date due to her continued harrassment at your place of employment.
And BTW - allottments are easy and fast nowadays. You don't go through PSD. Just log onto mypay and fill in the info. It can take effect (or be withdrawn) in days now.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Why does your commander give two hoots? Really he should mind his own beeswax and tell her to pound sand. She is harassing you and that is ILLEGAL.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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txks1151
enthusiast
Reged: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
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Commander Cares for 2 reasons:
1- Congressional. The rep from her district is a way-out-there (for FL) hate the military moonbat, that would like NOTHING better than to show how she "forced the evil military to take care of a poor, disabled woman on the dole" (the district we were in is HEAVILY welfare-central).
2-Legal ramifications if he did not take care of one of his officer's wife. She is legally married to me ONLY for insurance and benefits, but tries to use the marriage as a weapon against me..
IS HALF MY PAY, AND ZERO DEBT NOT ENOUGH FOR HER?!?!
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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She has no basis for a Congressional as the command has addressed her issues. You are following the court order. You do not have to do more than that.
My husband's ex wife went to the Wing COmmander's house on a Saturday afternoon and knocked on the door. She was high, or something...anyway that act got her banned from base. It really worked in my H's favor. Of course she called his commander daily, my commander daily, the OPS group commander daily, etc. It did nothing but make things worse for her.
What rank is your commander? Is his last name Woods?
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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txks1151
enthusiast
Reged: 03/26/07
Posts: 210
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Commander of my squadron is a Commander (O-5, Navy). My old CO would take her calls, but not tell her where I went, stating privacy act.
However, when less than 5 squadrons in the Navy fly your aircraft, it's not that hard to find you.
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Lucy44
old hand
Reged: 07/11/05
Posts: 874
Loc: Rochester, MN
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I get so sick of hearing how freaking STBX's harass military members at their job.
At what other job would an employee be forced to endure that crap?!?
And most former spouses think retired pay is an entitlement... I think it should NOT be divided with spouses who are nothing but a detriment to the members career, such as in this case.
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Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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Let her file a Congressional. It isn't a huge deal. People do it all the time at my office. They end up looking silly most of the time. It is their right, though.
She's going to ask her Congressman to get washer and dryer books for her?
Talk to your CO about the harassment. File a restraining order. Show it to him.
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