PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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"I had a concern that since her last name was my stbx's last name that she'd try to give THAT last name to the new child. THAT would be a no-no, wouldn't it? I mean, I guess it's "legal" but morally that'd just be super super super tacky no?"
PM,
I STRONGLY disagree w/ you.. 
When I married; his name BECAME mine for better for worse.. until death... It is MY name. It has been my name for most of my life. If I have a child, I will give it MY name.
The fact that it is also his name; is just a coincidence at this point. Just like the two Smiths in my son's class this year aren't related. This child would not be related to that branch..
Yes, some might think that everyone was related because in my case, it is a pretty unique name.. BUT be it what it may... IT is MY name! If he doesn't like it; he can legally change his name.. BUT this is my name, my children's name, my family name..
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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RJ1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 5164
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I maintain my maiden name and I gave our son his Dad's middle and last name (ain't I sweet...LOL). Our son is VERY proud of his name and he hasn't given one iota's thought to our names not being the same. It's all he knows, it's all I know, and we are proud. And considering I'm 41 and never been married, no matter how a future husband may feel about it, I'm retaining my maiden name. It's just easier. And sometimes in the pediatrician's office they accidentally call me by my ex's last name. Doesn't bother me in the least. I say make the kiddos PROUD of their birth-given name.
Now I'll never be able to put a "family last name" on our mailbox...but such is life!
RJ
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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I never changed my name with my first husband, and I did not add my H's last name to mine until 2004 - when I finished my Master's. I still go by my maiden name, but so many times I just have to succumb and use my H's last name. Like on base, for health records and such. I legally hyphenated my name so I have to go by that on our taxes.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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And I strongly disagree with you PR
My name is the name I was given at birth. I have a real issue with the fact that so many women lose their identities upon marriage. My H's last name is his last name; and my last name is the name I was born with. My sons' have their respective fathers' last names, as that is customary.
When I die, if my obit reads "Mrs. Don Smith" I will be flipping in my grave and I will haunt that reporter!!!
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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individual could petition for a name change. IOW, the spouse couldn't petition to force the other spouse to use a different name. I changed my name back to my maiden name as a part of the divorce. It was included in the paperwork to RESTORE my name.
However, when ex was divorced the first time, his ex wouldn't go back to her maiden name. She wanted to have the same last name as the kids. Ex was infuriated, because he felt only I was entitled to be Mrs. [censored]. But there was nothing he could do about it because it was HER right to decide to petition for the name change or not.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Not in New Mexico.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Got a couple just down the street "living in sin" (as my mother calls it). LOL They just list both their names on their box.
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Char Fox
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Considering the number of divorces that take place these days, its not uncommon to have kids with different last names in the same family. Some parents may not be fond of that and may want to try and keep them all the same. That may be a reason why your ex's ex wanted to name her second child the same.
When I was divorcing my second husband, my daughter (then 12) asked me if I was going to go back to my last married name. When I told her I hadn't planned to change my name at all, she told me that she wished I would cause she hated that we'd had different last names for years. Said kids at school kept asking who I was and she had to explain I was her mom...since when my name was said, it wasn't the same as hers. So I decided to go ahead and change it back during the divorce.
Now my daughter just went through a divorce about a month ago. Learning from mom, she took the no contest route. Much simpler and no sense dragging it out. She however kept her married name for two reasons. Not wanting to change her DL and SS card, and everything else (which was why I wasn't initially going to change my name), and...because of all of her dad's deeds as of recent, she wanted nothing to do with him, especially having his name.
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Char Fox
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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"My name is the name I was given at birth"
I agree I was also given a name at birth. I was given a new name when I married.
The name was not on loan. When I took possession of it; it was with the knowledge that it was permanent.
I left my childhood home and my childhood name.
I fulfilled my marriage contract. I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. My ex decided he wanted a younger model..
He doesn't get to take the name back. He doesn't get to renege after 20 years..
If I had my way, in the subsequent marriages the additional wives would NOT be allowed to take the name.
I don't care what you call them but they should NOT have my name; I am still using it...
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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My identity has nothing to do with my maiden name. I go by the name I took when I married 12 years ago. It IS my name. That IS who just about everyone in the world knows me by. It is the name in which my education is under. It is the name EVERYONE at work knows me by, all students, all teachers, all families. That said, even if I changed it to Smith or Johnson or Doright, it wouldn't change my IDENTITY. I am who I am....a name is just what I'm called. I have reasons for being attached to the one I use...which is why I use it, same as most people use the name to which they are attached.
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