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teacher29
newbie


Reged: 06/21/07
Posts: 25
Loc: CA
Why would she want to call me?
      #258360 - 07/06/07 11:17 AM

Hi everyone,

I am visiting my family for a few weeks, they live out of state and it feels good to get out of my hometown. Finally being surrounded by positive people has lifted my spirits and made me feel better about myself. Kind of weird, last Tuesday I went over to my EX place to get the rest of my stuff, we were nice to each other, no fighting. I of course was the only one to get upset and that happened when we were dividing up pictures. Well at the end she asked me when I would be coming back from my trip and she would call me. Why would she want to call me????? Part of me of course would love to talk to her, but I worry that it will drive me insane to talk to her but not to "be with" her. I'm wondering if she still wants to be friends or if she is putting me on the shelf? I still love her and getting through the denial stage of this divorce is very difficult. Anyways, just putting out my thoughts, Hope everyone had a good 4th.


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matilda
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Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2096
Re: Why would she want to call me? [Re: teacher29]
      #258371 - 07/06/07 11:30 AM

Could it be that she wants to divide more things? Could it be a control thing to see if you will call her because she asked you to? I would just enjoy your trip with your family and try not to think about it. I know that is hard, but that is what is best for you emotionally.

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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7154
Re: Why would she want to call me? [Re: teacher29]
      #258376 - 07/06/07 11:36 AM

Glad to hear you're out of town to see your family. Good idea!

As for your x....she said she'd call because it eases her own guilt. In some ways I'm sure she still wants to be able to pull your strings. My suggestion is this. Do not answer that phone call. Let her wonder why you haven't answered. When she calls the second time (and she will if you don't answer or call her back) be very upbeat (that's important) and tell her you're so sorry, you've been so busy that it totaly slipped your mind to call her back. (You could yell "Hang on I'll be right there" as if to someone in the backround for good measure) and ask her if she needs something. If she says she just called to see how you are tell her you're really busy and ask if you can call back later. If she asks who you're with just casually say "Oh some friends". Personally I think it ill give you some of the control back. Right now she's treating you the way she is because you make it easy for her to do it. One of the mantras on this board is "Fake it 'til you make it." That's what you need to start doing with her.

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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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LadyBugRN
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Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
Re: Why would she want to call me? [Re: Debi]
      #258480 - 07/06/07 04:32 PM

Excellent advice Debi! It will make her wonder for a change what's going on. It does give you a sense of control back, just to know you've given the impression that all is well, even great, if it is or not. They don't need to know the truth. It doesn't leave them feeling like you're home, crying your eyes out for them anymore. Even if you may be, they do not, do not, do not need to know that! Making them wonder for a change is much better and even if a game, empowering in some silly way.

Lori

--------------------
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."


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Patrice
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Reged: 07/21/06
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Re: Why would she want to call me? [Re: LadyBugRN]
      #258538 - 07/06/07 06:28 PM

She thinks she can still be your friend even though she just dumped you (sorry). I think it's a little self-preservation on her part, to convince herself she's not such a bad person. I agree with Debi and LadyBug, be hard to get . . .

Eventually you may be friends, but right now you're the discarded spouse (sorry again) and should not be available to her just to chat when she feels like calling you.

--------------------
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.


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teacher29
newbie


Reged: 06/21/07
Posts: 25
Loc: CA
Re: Why would she want to call me? [Re: teacher29]
      #258622 - 07/06/07 11:09 PM

Thank you everyone for your opinions, you are all right, I need to not answer the phone everytime she calls. It is just so hard because I still love her......but I have to find a way to move on. I'm going to stay in my town for the next year, to see my first batch of students graduate and to feel like I have left on my terms, instead of running out of town.I'm very nervous and scared, I don't have family, I have friends, but my EX lives just 1 1/2 away from me, I hope I don't see her with another guy I don't think I'd be able to handle it. Very nervous about the future.....hope the meds kick in nice and strong, :D

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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
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Re: Why would she want to call me? [Re: teacher29]
      #258719 - 07/07/07 11:47 AM

You have to not answer the calls BECAUSE you love her not in spite of it. If there is any chance of getting her back you have to at least act as if you are moving on. When you get upset, beg, or cry you are giving her the power. You need to take some of that power back, teach. Act confident and upbeat and make her wonder why she decided to do this. Does that make sense?

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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