KentuckySm
old hand
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 773
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Bm and Bf have joint custody. Both agreed to let the two oldest boys ( 4 & 7 ) play t-ball. Dad signs them up and they get to play for 2 weeks. Bm gets mad at Bf because she called at 9:30 on a Saturday night demanding the boys back at 2:pm the next day. Dad says no and she hangs up on him. Bm's sister calls back and threatens that the boys will not be allowed to play ball if the Dad does not bring them back. By the CO he gets them til 6pm. They never asked if he had plans. To say the least he did not give in. The boys have not played now in 2 weeks. Bf gets them for 2 weeks summer visit today so they will be able to finish out the season. Is there any advise to how he could handle this situation with the bm. He would have just gone over to get the boys but did not want to have all that drama around them. Last time he picked the 4 year old up Bm through a fit ( even after Bf was told on the phone to come pick him up for his game ). And really upset the 4 yr old by even screaming at him telling him he did not want to play and to get in the house. What can a Dad do?
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Pick your battles.
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hutton54
journeyman
Reged: 12/26/06
Posts: 69
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I would like to know the answer to this question as well. I have the same problem my daughter plays softball and basketball but only when I have her. BF does not bring her on his days it is frustrating, I have driven over an hour to see her play in a game on days BF has her only to get there and find he does not show up with her. It is embarassing when the coach asks where my daughter is and I just say I don't know. Please any advice on how to handle this. I do have in my custody order a statement that says that the parents will make every effort to make sure the children attend any activities and events they are involved with, but how do you enforce that?
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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I wish I had advice. My X lives less than 1/2 mile from the Y where the kids take swim lessons (30 minutes on Saturday mornings). I live 7 miles. He won't take the kids when he has them. So, they only get to go EOW.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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When we sign the kids up for extra curricular activities, we assume that we will pay for them and we assume that we will be responsible for transporting them. Anything offered by our ex is a favor.
As far as dealing with a psychotic BM, we just have one of the regular crazy kind so I can't help you there.
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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My kiddos are 18 months and 4. I pay for all extras and take them when I have them (90% of the time). It would be nice if he'd take them on his EOW (when he follows through on it).
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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The courts believe that time w/ the other parent is more important than extra-curricular activities..
Signing the children up for activities during the other parent's time (if that parent will NOT follow through) creates drama and trauma for the children and results in them being put in the middle...
Kids would rather not be embroiled in arguments than participate in their favorite sport..
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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Personally, I've learned not to make an issue of it. Swimming is a solo sport.
Swim lessons are fun at this age because I get to participate. Beside bedtime, I can't think of a more fun thing to do with the kiddos. Their little wet slippery bodies in their Sponge Bob swimsuits laughing while we learn to dive..... X doesn't know what he is missing.
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hutton54
journeyman
Reged: 12/26/06
Posts: 69
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you know your so right about they don't know what they are missing. I watch my daughter play basketball and softball and to see her having fun without a worry about anything in the world is amazing. When she makes a basket and looks up in the bleachers to make sure I saw it with the biggest smile on her face he misses that and I can't even describe how it makes me feel and beem with pride. I hope someday he will realize what he is missing and take part. I hate that she doesn't get to go when she is with him, but I can't make him take her on his time. What I do want to put an end to is when she is with me and she calls him and asks him to go to see her play and he says he will be there and then never shows it breaks her heart and mine to see her disappointment. I would take any advice to prevent this from happening to her.
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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SIL felt that his boys needed sports activities. So, the last time he was back to court for denial of his visitation, he had added that he could sign the boys up for sports and she was to either take them or permit SIL to take them for the sports.
Went well for about two years, now she has started signing the boys up for sports too. She thought it would make SIL mad - instead he is going to the baseball games and enjoying them.
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KentuckySm
old hand
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 773
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Yep it looks like BF is just going to have to take her back to court over this. There are alot of other issues, But I know everyone here goes through so much. And I'm so sorry for all you Moms that have the kid's Dads not being a part of their lives. Your right they miss out on so much and the kids just grow up so quick. I'm just really glad my boyfriend is a Dad who is fighting to see his kids. The BM is already been told by the seven counties counselor that she can not just shut him out of the boy's lives. I wish everyone luck and thank you so much for the nice responces.
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Pick your battles.
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