NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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They use "constructive abodonment" to get around the waiting period for the no-fault divorce. It's less onerous than the other faults.
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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They use "constructive abandonment" to get around the waiting period for the no-fault divorce. It's less onerous than the other faults.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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I don't think a lawyer IS a last resort. Before you sign ANYTHING, you really need a lawyer working for YOU looking it over. You don't know all the laws, so you won't know if you're getting what you would fairly get through a court. And you may miss subtleties in any agreement that will cost you later on. Its worth a small fee to have a lawyer look over any legal documents that can have lasting repercussions on your life before you put pen to paper. I'm not saying you need a lawyer to fight. But you need one to protect your interests.
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Char Fox
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Just hope she hasn't consulted with an unscrupulous lawyer, or unscrupulous friends. Hands to yourself won't help if she CLAIMS you abused her. The claim alone will get you out of the house. Just like she can CLAIM you refused sex. You can tell the judge all you want that its not true, but it all comes down to who the judge believes.
These are also reasons why having an attorney on your side is a GOOD idea. Just in case. You don't want to be without one should the shyt hit the fan.
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Char Fox
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Quote " I also don't want this to be adversarial for the kids sake (neither does she). Any comments? "
If you don't want " adversarial " you will lose all you have worked for...Plus you are teaching your kids that it is OK to screw someone over and steal a whole ton of money ? Is that a good lesson for them ? Maybe they are both daughters....
With that said you made a terrible mistake letting a women live with you and NOT WORK. Once they are on the gravy train, the law guarantees you fuel the train. They won't get off voluntarily.
Best course of action for you is:
1. Arrange a fatal " accident " for your STBX.
2. Withdraw all funds and move and work under the table. Many, many men do it every day. ( Don't worry 'bout the kids, practically and legally you have no right to see them, only to pay for them )
3. Suicide. Solves all the problems at once.
I hope you feel obligated to tell all men, especially younger ones, how marriage " worked out " for you so well...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Im_Hosed
recently joined
Reged: 07/16/07
Posts: 17
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with the exception of the bitter post above, I thank you all. Yes, I would certainly have someone look over the agreement BEFORE I sign anything. AlmostH: What is your background/motivation on this board? Just curious for us newbies...
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Please ignore the idiot above. We're hoping DSource will take notice and eventually boot his sorry butt.
Like most everyone here, I'm here because I've been faced with divorce issues. Some come for advice, some come to give advice, some come to commiserate with others who've been through it. I initially starting seeking divorce forums the moment I got on the internet back around 96 or 97 to find out about child support...since my ex then owed over $10K arrears and wasn't paying support at the time...as usual. I've been through two divorces, and have experienced a lot more through a large family and through friends' divorces, from both sides of the fence, either male or female. After finding out all I could do about my own CS case, I just kinda hung around. I guess its the commiseration part. 
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Char Fox
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Perhaps after the divorce is finalized, and you realize how much dough you are out, you'll post again and tell me how not being " adversarial " worked out for you...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Im_Hosed
recently joined
Reged: 07/16/07
Posts: 17
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Honestly dude -you really are so entrenched in bitterness that there is no debating you. The reality is that I am out $ no matter what. I might as well make a bad situation as good as I can to live w/ my family and future rather than turn it into more of a nightmare. If you let the dark side take hold, it only makes you look back and not forward.
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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First, if you click on yregna name, scroll down to the lower right corner, choose "ignore this user".. You won't have to read his bile...
Second, NYS is the last state in the Nation where grounds have to be proven.. in order to petition for divorce.
If you fight and have a grounds trial, you will probably win.
I contested grounds, the good news is that my ex had to withdraw for lack of evidence.. The bad news was that is took 2yrs to get to the point where we argued grounds. During which time my ex was malicious, vindictive, destructive, abusive, malevolent, cruel, nasty, wicked, spiteful, mean (ya get my drift)..
He filed 22 child abuse charges, required me to go through 2 psych evaluations, he wore me down emotionally, mentally, and physically..
And after enduring ALL that I ended up STILL married.. Needless to say, it was definitely a case of "Be careful of what you ask for" you might get it...
Obviously like you, I didn't know my spouse was capable of such horrendous behavior. I thought this "I want a divorce" was just a phase and he would get over it. Because like you I couldn't see the reason for it.
So while I agree w/ your attorney. The ball is in her court. It will be expensive for her to go forward if you won’t agree on grounds. You are in a good negotiating position..
The BAD news in NYS that is NO joint or 50/50 custody if the parties won’t voluntarily agree. If she is smart, she will agree to 50/50 and you will agree to grounds and this could go relatively painlessly..
Or you can end up going my route over 3yrs and hundreds of thousands of dollars where no one wins…
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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