BetsyR
member
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 187
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= Married 30 yrs in NY state
= We own a very nice house together, free & clear. Too big for 1 or 2 people.
= STBX left last Xmas & moved right in w/ OW (his clothes were already at her house!!!)
= He earns about $200K, will certainly stay in town until retirement in 10 yrs.
= I freelance part-time (not by choice, but few jobs in this rural area.) I earn peanuts.
= I'm about to start a fulltime job earning $35K in a city 3 hrs away. I'll come home on weekends to fix up the house for sale.
= I rented a small place near work which won't be able to hold most of my furniture & stuff.
= I've already given my stbx all the stuff he asked for (CDs, his toys, housewares, etc.)
= I changed the locks. Yeah, I know he can legally change them again & lock me out, but he hasn't.
When I start my new job, HOW CAN I ENSURE THAT STBX & OW DON'T MOVE INTO THE MARITAL HOME OR REMOVE MARITAL PROPERTY?
The OW has some things from the marital house. Nothing valuable or important that I know of, but stuff like my porch rocker vanished, then reappeared on her porch. Irritating! (No, I'm not going to bring charges. I don't want to fight over minor things.)
On a few occasions when a door was unlocked stbx did come in & take a few things, things I would have given him if he asked. When I ask him for anything -- mail that got forwarded to his new address, software he borrowed, etc., he denies he ever had it, so I'm no longer willing to let him have access to our stuff unless I stand there to see what he takes. I'll move all documents pertaining to finances & divorce to my apartment, but I can't take everything. I got a storage unit, but need to keep the furniture in the home so it looks good for a sale.
If stbx knew I was out of town all week, my stuff would disappear. I don't mind if he takes prints of family photos, for instance, but he should make me other prints from the negatives, & I know he wouldn't bother w/ that. I'd be very angry if I found the scrapbooks, which I make & he kind of scoffs at, were missing. Even things like, say, lamps -- if we're both present, we can each get some nice lamps, but if he comes in alone, he'll take the antique lamps my granny gave me, & leave me the ones from Walmart. How can I get the courts to ensure that we both have some say in the division of our stuff, even if it's not valuable stuff?
Also, I'm annoyed by the idea of hubby effing the OW in this house. I don't care what they've been doing at her place for the last couple years, but I'd like the courts to tell the OW never to enter this house. How can I ask for that?
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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You can't ask for that. What you CAN do is ask for a temp hearing to establish who remains LEGALLY in the home right now, or to insure that furnishings are not removed until the final hearing. If the temp order gives you access to the home and not him, then he CAN'T go in and change the locks. He'd be going against a court order if he entered the home.
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Char Fox
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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"The OW has some things from the marital house. Nothing valuable or important that I know of, but stuff like my porch rocker vanished, then reappeared on her porch. Irritating! (No, I'm not going to bring charges. I don't want to fight over minor things.)"
Unfortunately, you have no right to file charges. The marital assets are as much his as yours until the final judgment.
In my case, my ex emptied the house completely at the 1st opportunity of my not being there. The furniture, appliances, photos, files and the file cabinets. When I came home it looked like something out of the Grinch Stole Christmas.
I did try to restrain him from taking everything; but all the judge did was give him a "talking to" about how he "expected" my ex to behave appropriately or else..
Well, he didn't and they moved my case to different judge in a different county before the trial was over so that "verbal direction" wasn't enforced. The final judgment said what he has, he got to keep w/ a few adjustments.
Gotta say that one stuck in my craw.. I took the high road.. I didn't change the locks because I was told I wasn't allowed to. I told the court what he would do at the 1st opportunity and the law didn't protect us at all. My kids came home that day to NO beds, no forks, and no plates..
Sorry, that is a sore point for me..
Anyway, nothing can stop your ex unless you get an order restraining him from removing assets and EVEN if you get the order, you would have to PROVE it was he that took the stuff..
And your ex has the stuff, he will probably end up keeping it. My biggest issue is that the OW's house isn't big enough to hold our stuff and they didn't need it. My ex built a two-story garage at his parents to house our 20+ years of belongings. And most of it is just rotting in there. He took everything just so we couldn't have it.
It I had it to do over again. I wouldn't do anything differently. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to empty our bank accounts or lock him out against court orders. It wouldn't have been right. BUT it still $ucks...
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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BetsyR
member
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 187
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Hi Char,
You wrote, "You can't ask for that", but I'm not sure which of my question you are answering.
Is the temp. order you refer to the same thing as asking for "relief"? I'm in NY.
Edited by BetsyR (07/17/07 10:34 PM)
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BetsyR
member
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 187
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Phoenix, that's just awful. I'm so sorry.
You wrote, "Unfortunately, you have no right to file charges. The marital assets are as much his as yours until the final judgment."
Yes, I know that. I mentioned the rocker only to show that stbx is capable of taking a few items over to the OW's house even while he & I were still living together. He also took financial papers from the house the week after he left, before I had changed the locks. So I expect he might be much more vindictive when I actually file charges, or when he realizes I might get half of his IRA. So I hope to ask the court to keep him (& her too of course) out of the house for now.
Anybody on this board know what this kind of relief is called in NY?
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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You need to file a Motion to Restrain from Removal of Assets.
I filed one and didn't get it.. The opinion was that they are his assets too and without expensive and delaying evidencery hearings to prove that he doesn't need "to use" some of his household assets in order to survive.. It doesn't normally happen (at least NOT in NY, if he has a half-way good lawyer).. The feeling is that it doesn't matter who has the marital assets because the "value" will be equitably distributed later..
I did try to make a big deal about this BUT it just pissed off the judge. It costs the taxpayers many thousands of days each day for the judge to hold court, when that time is spent arguing over "Tupperware" (that is what they call household assets).. It ticks off the judge.
NY seldom approves motions to "remove him from the house" unless there is a DV charge. It is his house too. The court won't have a problem w/ him living there... If it goes to court, you will get your hand slapped for changing the locks and he will have to be given a set of keys...
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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BetsyR
member
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 187
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Thanks for the info, Phoenix.
There;s no DV or chance of that. I don't need to remove him from the house; he's already gone. I don't mind at all if he comes in while I am here. I'll give him keys if he raises a fuss, but he hasn't asked (he knew I changed them in late 2006.)
Also, I have copies of emails where I ask him what he'd like from the house, now or later -- clothes, furniture, books, housewares, CDs, his sports equipment. He did ask for a few items, which I gave him promptly, but he said he didn't want much & didn't have room.
2 things I want:
1. to keep him from taking financial documents, items our kids created, family photos, or items that were gifts from my family. We'll divide these things when the time comes. I'm afraid he will take things when I'm away, deny he has them, refuse to return them, or keep more than his share of items we both value for sentimental reasons. He can have the cars & the TVs & the furnture & the kitchen ware.
2. to keep the OW out of this house. Maybe I shouldn't care about this, but I do.
I'll ask my lawyer about a motion to Restrain from Removal of Assets.
Edited by BetsyR (07/18/07 12:38 PM)
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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It was your final question "I'd like the courts to tell the OW never to enter this house. How can I ask for that?"
A court would think you just need to get over it...that you can't just say you don't want her in there just because he hurt you by seeing her and leaving you for her.
I don't know if its the same thing. A temp order is just an order that handles matters temporarily until the final hearing...which may keep the same order in effect and/or add to it, or completely reverse it.
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Char Fox
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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If he's left, you may be able to get it termed as abandonment, which would give you the right to change the locks...as he's abandoned the home and no longer a resident there. This won't effect the outcome of the divorce as to the split of the equity/debt, but would keep him from moving back in or just coming in unannounced after he's moved out.
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Char Fox
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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"If he's left, you may be able to get it termed as abandonment"
No, in NYS; it is not abandonment.
He can come back anytime; especially seeing as she is not living there... And he can bring OW with him..
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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