boynamedsioux
recently joined
Reged: 07/25/07
Posts: 3
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I've been married for almost 5 years. My wife and i have been togeather since '97. Over the years we've broken up, and made up numerous times. I honestly believe it is time for me to leave now.
I havent cheated on her, nor she on me. The problem is that I'm positive that I am no longer in love with her. And the more i think about it, i'm not sure if i ever was. i keep wishing that i could make myself feel for her what she feels for me. i've tried. i cant.
we have no children, and i'm inclined to leave everything in the house to her. i just want to stop feeling like a liar, a fake, and a failure. the worst part of this is that she is the kindest, sweetest, most honest and giving person that i've ever meet. but for the life of me i just cant make myself be 'in love' with her.
I havent told her this for a couple of reasons. 1) she's in her last quarter of school to obtain her masters degree. i dont want to do anything to jeoperdise that. 2) i do not want to hurt her.
i guess i'm writing this to get some feedback on how to handle this situation, and see if anyone else is going through something like this.
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ELEMO2001
journeyman
Reged: 07/18/07
Posts: 82
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sorry to hear that. i think you should wait till she completes her course. but does she sense anything? to me love is not something you force out of yourself it's something that just comes you'll feel it in your heart your heart beats faster when you see that person. i know that you've being with her for a while but i think you owe it to yourself to be honest with her. who knows your true love may be around the corner, but if you don't make the move you may never find that person. how sweet of you to really not want to hurt her. good luck
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boynamedsioux
recently joined
Reged: 07/25/07
Posts: 3
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at this point, i'm not concerned with finding another woman. and probably wont be for quite some time.
its amazing how much of yourself you loose when you devote yourself to a person. especially if its not the right person for you.
my only concern now is getting out of this mess, and making sure i dont ever compromise myself this way again.
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ELEMO2001
journeyman
Reged: 07/18/07
Posts: 82
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I know it is hard, but in do time you'll get out of it. I feel the same way, my X and I were together for 10 years married for 6. I was consumed or somewhat still consumed by my X my whole daily life was devoted to him but all i got in return was nothing but headache. so wish you the best. if you need someone to talk to let me know--ceecee
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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You loved her at some point, or would never have been with her this long. So...WHY did you love her? What made you fall in love with her? You don't just fall OUT of love. Either things have changed, or you've changed, or you've simply forgotten the reason you fell in love in the first place. So before you go throwing away a marriage, figure out if its something you've forgotten, something you can get back, or if its irretrievably lost first.
--------------------
Char Fox
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20052
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"So before you go throwing away a marriage, figure out if its something you've forgotten, something you can get back, or if its irretrievably lost first. "
I agree...
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boynamedsioux
recently joined
Reged: 07/25/07
Posts: 3
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there's a lot of reasons that i feel the way i do. many of them i wont go into here. i have changed. much of the reason we were married in the first place was because i caved in to preasure from my family. i spent a lot of time in this marraige hoping that that 'last piece'....that feeling of being in love would just appear. it never has, and i dont want to keep being halfway in and out of this relationship.
they say there's nothing more painful than almost getting exactly what you want. its true. now, because i was too callow to simply say 'no' all those years ago, we are in this situation now.
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