JustMeAndThree
old hand
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 993
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Our first divorce hearing (rule nisi) is Aug 13th. I'm trying to get my ducks in a row. Becuase I filed and my stbx is technically supposed to show cause why I shouldn't be granted the things I requested...doesn't that mean HE is the one who should have the burden of proof? I'm trying to get all my records etc together just in case. If he can't prove why I shouldn't be granted what was requested will I need to prove that I SHOULD?? Most of you know there is an issue with the tax return thing...I'm documenting (with bank statements and receipts) almost to the penny what it was spent on. I'm also getting together records for my pay and what I pay in bills, also with receipts etc. I have the domestic violence incident report from when my daughter called 911 becuase stbx was choking me. I have kept a journal since I moved out Feb 5th with dates and times that he has taken kids...excuses he's made for not having them, etc. I've also logged any conversations that may be of importance including quotes of derogatory things he has said and done to my children and I. Most of you also know the issue of my oldest not being his BD but he signed the Aff. of Paternity to have his name on this BC. He contested that in his answer claiming that "So and so did sign my name to the birth certificate" which is crap...I have a copy of the actual form with his signature that's notarized. I have copies of the tax return and w2's showing how much each of us made last year and how much of the return came from credits becuase of the children and the childcare that *I* paid. I've also documented the few times he's given me money or helped me with something like cutting my grass (those times are very few and far between). I have the military records from his suicide attempt/threat in 2005 including the emails he sent me leading up to it. I have the print outs of all his "profiles" on the internet looking for other women to have sex with. Most of which were done while I was pregnant with or just had our two youngest children. My daughter just turned 11 and in GA the courts can hear the wishes of an 11 - 13 year old (14 and over can choose if court feels ok) anyway my oldest wants to write a letter to the judge about all the things that go on at her dad's house. He counselor has told her to start jotting down all the things she wants to say and then will assist her with writing the letter (not telling her what to say but basically be there when she writes it for moral support) I have pretty much stayed out of that. I'm letting my daughter write what SHE wants not what I think she should. This is her thing and I've encouraged her to be completely HONEST. Even if the judge wants to talk to her...she is to make sure she is honest about things he has done as well as things I have done in the past. I am no angel but I'm working to be a better parent and person. Ok, now all of that said. Am I as prepared as I CAN be? Am I going to look organized or vindictive walking into the court room with my "evidence"? I don't want to give the wrong impression. Should I take these things with me or limit what I take? I don't foresee my husband bringing much of anything other than a nervous bladder with him. Unless he does some serious organizing between now and then he wouldn't even know where to find half the crap. He doens't usually keep receipts. (I've seen his house...) He doesn't even keep a check register (he goes on memory and atm balance...occasionally calling to get info on his acct) most of his transactions are in cash becuase he takes out money constantly. Most of my transactions are via check or debit card so I have proof of where it went and receipts to show what was purchased. Ok enough now. Gimme yer thoughts and opinions please. I really need to advice, criticism and opinions to help me prepare for this.
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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"Becuase I filed and my stbx is technically supposed to show cause why I shouldn't be granted the things I requested"
Yes judge, I would like a house on the water w/ a maid and butler. I would like $9,999.99 per month in support.
My stbx didn't bring any "proof" that I shouldn't get these things so can I have a default judgment. Pretty Please???
No honey, it so doesn't work that way!
You have a LONG hard road ahead of yourself; if you don't start educating yourself on the divorce process.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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JustMeAndThree
old hand
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 993
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I didn't ask for sarcasm. If you had taken the time to actually READ my questions you might see things a bit different. I was simply ASKING if the burden of proof was on him however if he does NOT show good cause why I shouldn't be granted what I requested do I have to show cause why i SHOULD? And for the record I did not ask for anything outrageous as you assume. This is the temporary hearing and I don't expect to get a "default judgement" as you put it. I realize I have a long hard road ahead of me and I have been doing what I can to educate myself on the divorce process. Part of that "educating" happens to be hearing other peoples situations and experience. I thought that was what these forums were for. Not a place to come get chewed out for asking questions. Perhaps you should go back and re-read my post. As stated in my OP I have all of my documentation but I don't think he will have much if any. I'm wondering if it's necessary for me to have it ALL at the temp. hearing. I'm not sure who pissed in your wheaties this morning but maybe you should go back to bed and try starting the day over again.
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Slap yourself, that wasn't funny.
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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Since you are making the accusations, the burden of proof is on you.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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JustMeAndThree
old hand
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 993
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Thank you, that's what I wanted to know...however there really aren't any "accusations" so to speak...it was filed No-fault on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. I'm asking for joint physical-me being custodial parent, full legal, CS and for him to provide medical insurance (his work offers group rates mine only offers individual policies). I listed the property that has already been seperated and that we each keep what is currently in our possessions, the we each pay half of the remaining debt on the credit card and I laid out a fair parenting plan. The only thing he contested in his answer was child support.
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BetsyR
member
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 187
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Am I going to look organized or vindictive walking into the court room with my "evidence"? I don't want to give the wrong impression. Should I take these things with me or limit what I take? /quote/
It sounds like you have ALL your ducks in a row. I'll be praying for you to have a smooth start to the divorce process. I think I'm in a similar situation -- I have more documentation than opposing counsel can shake a stick at, while stbx can't even guess how much he spends on the OW or where he put the copies of the tax returns or whether the house needs any repairs before it goes on the market.
Here's what I plan to do about the paperwork. I put everything in a big filing box, w/ labeled hanging files. When my lawyer & I meet stbx's side, or go to court, I'll copy the most important documents & put them in a loose-leaf binder, w/ dividers that correspond to the hanging file labels. Then, when I'm asked for, say, income tax records, I'll open the binder to the section that includes the 2 main pages of the long form, while the entire return is stored in the file box. The point is partly to save lawyer time, partly to show the judge or opposing counsel that I can easily show the basis for my requests, & partly to keep myself from getting flustered trying to find the right document.
But there's another reason to do this too -- it bothers the sheet out of my stbx. "If the assault never happened, how come there is a police report?" or "I'm surprised to hear you don't make enough to support your kids, b/c your W2s seem to show that you made more than you now claim." The more you appear competent & in control, the more like a loser he'll feel. Revenge is sweet!
Getting the stuff organized takes time, but I think it's well worth it on all these counts.
Be sure to stash the box & binder where stbx won't find it if he breaks into the house. Also, make copies & store them in another location.
Don't worry about PR's snide comments. She tends to see in a post only the parts that remind her of her own divorce. She may have fought a long hard battle w/ a vindictive & well-prepared x, but she doesn't see that other posters' situations are not the same as hers.
Edited by BetsyR (08/01/07 12:02 PM)
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JustMeAndThree
old hand
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 993
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Thanks for the uplifting advice...I needed hear something "nice" for a change  . I've been sorting my receipts to attach to the corresponding bank statements, which will be put into a 3 ring binder along with any information that I have on HIS financial status, tax returns, my bills and pay stubs etc. I'll either have a nother section or binder for misc things like the family violence incident report, the copy of the affidavit or paternity he signed for my oldest, etc. Unfortunately I don't have a lawyer so I'm gonna do this the best I can and just pray that he really is as unknowing and unprepared as I think he is. fortunately I live in a small town and I've gotten to know the court system here becuase my job requires me to go to court (magistrate but atleast I know the procedures followed by this part. court) I think the main thing that's gonna be against me is my stbx's way of making people think HE is the victim...and to top it all off he is a jailer for the sheriffs dept. I do wish that I had proof that he has had my 3 yr old pulling the trigger on his 22 rifle...and he just bought a 9 mm that he totes around like he's a gunslingin' bad*ss. He sleeps with it by his bed or on head board even when kids are there. He lives in the country...he's just paranoid...He's the type of person that if he hears a car 20 miles down the road he jumps up grabs his gun and goes to investigate cussing the whole time about how nobody's gonna mess with him or his stuff. That's only SLIGHTLY exagerrated. Again thanks!!!
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JustMeAndThree
old hand
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 993
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oh and thanks for the idea about making copies...that thought hadn't really crossed my mind but it's a good idea and I'll be doing that.
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ChaseR
recently joined
Reged: 08/01/07
Posts: 7
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Quote:
oh and thanks for the idea about making copies...that thought hadn't really crossed my mind but it's a good idea and I'll be doing that.
My Lieutenant said something at the Academy that I will never forget: "Don't make excuses for bad cops" There are some, and that is inevitable.
Any LEO may be a gun enthusiast (I am a life member at NRA, I own firearms) they need not intimidate you by displaying such devices.
I have seen many cases like this in which the wrong focus on the issue causes harm to everyone, just because it is not addressed properly. Owning a gun, is ok. Carrying a gun, at home, Ok. Leaving a loaded gun where a minor (individual under 18 of age) can access and cause great bodily damage or death to himself or others, is simply illegal. Intimidating others (Whether inside or outside the home) by toting weapons, and handling weapons during arguments, is also a form of intimidation, which can be found to be unlawful.
Any good LEO will have fights at home. But the firearms are ALWAYS safely stored, unloaded, or even if holstered, taken out of the person, SPECIALLY to avoid charges like this (A dear friend went through an ugly divorce, but because of his wife's allegations that he pointed his service weapon at her repeatedly, he was suspended from the Department until the Divorce was completed. He came back and is a great Deputy, but no one knows what happened back there).
Hope this helps. If it were me, I'd be objective, and try to keep CCC (Calm, Cool, and Collected) meaning don't press charges or accusse out of anger. Express your concerns, that is perfectly legal.
Just my .02, I hope I am not being offensive to anyone.
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Drew
old hand
Reged: 07/30/07
Posts: 1017
Loc: somewhere more familiar
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It is always better to have an umbrella that you don't need than to need an umbrella you don't have. You simply cannot be overprepared for this situation. I was cautioned (by my atty.) about aggravating the judge with too many details, witnesses etc. and I see that as a very real possibility, however, just because you have it/them there doesn't mean you have to present it all. I can assure you though, not having something/someone relevant to your case with you and needing it/them, will teach a lesson in frustration that could be slow healing and have lasting/permanent consequences.
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"living, learning, from my creator. you gave me life now show me how to live" c. cornell
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