Grace
addict
Reged: 08/19/04
Posts: 404
Loc: KY
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Wow, we have a lot in common! My 24 weeker is also doind VERY well. I can't believe how far he has come. It amazes me everyday!
My ex and the g/f also want to get sole custody of our son. His reason? He doesn't like me :)Or, his g/f doesn't like me. I am remarried, he is not. . . just shacking up with his g/f and her 3 kids, in a trailer. He also lives in a different county, 30 miles away, different school district. . . ect. Sounds familiar huh?
Our son is so happy at home & he would be terrified at the thought of switching schools. He's made so many friends at this one. Plus, in 6 years, dad hasn't been to 1 parent/teacher conference, he hasn't been to 1 school function, he only met the kindegarten teacher 1 time, he's never met the 1st grade teacher. . . Also, in 6 years, he's been to the Pediatrician's office with our son one time, and that was when he was 4 months old.
I have tried so hard to get him involved in school matters. . . he's too busy. It was like pulling teeth to get him to come to K graduation. Our son goes to see neonatologists & pshycologist once a year. I have tried to get dad to go with us. . . he's too busy.
What is he thinking???? Oh yeah, his g/f is the one that wants my son, not him.
He and her work full time. He works 90 miles from home everyday. She works night shifts.
I write for a newspaper, during school hours only. During school breaks, I get a break too. I also attend college, during school hours only. During school breaks, I'm off too.
Plus, our son has lived with me for 6 years!
Idiots!
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Dyslexic agnostics don't believe in Dog.
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iowagirl
recently joined
Reged: 09/27/04
Posts: 9
Loc: iowa
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Wow. Does he think any judge in his right mind would give him sole custody with a track record like that?
My ex is actually very involved with the girls (also have a 5 year old) - attends conferences, takes them to gymnastics (won't pay for it of course), etc. He wants to be "fun dad". It has always been this way, even when we were together. Fun dad takes the girls swimming. Fun dad takes them to the park. What they are too young to realize is that fun dad believes the measly amount he pays for child support should cover all of their clothes, extracurricular, school lunches, school fees, etc. They also don't understand it is not ok to simply not show up for doctor's appointments (I scheduled - he said he would follow through), it is not ok to blow off piano lessons (same story).
Here's something really interesting - all of our family is a good 3 hours away. Last Thanksgiving I brought the girls back for the holiday with my family and then I brought them to HIS mother's for an overnight with them. Now he is saying he wants to take them on vacation (last vacation meant staying at home) December 21-27. Oh right - like I'm going to forego Xmas with my kids. And they should forego Xmas with family? !!!!!! My youngest's birthday was in June. Who came to the party? My family, my fiancee's family and my ex's mother. Of course, I invited her. She didn't even see her son when she was here. I doubt he even realized she was in town.
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Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
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WhyMe
newbie
Reged: 12/28/04
Posts: 32
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I understand your point but it is hard, very hard.
My wife is divorcing me. I am devastated. I can't imagine doing anything nice for her after what she is about to do to me and our family. From your perspective it sounds like I’m supposed to let her go and give her what she wants so there is no conflict or disruption. After all, she is the mother and if she gets hurt the kids will get hurt.
My wife is a stay at home Mom who wants to remain at home after the divorce while also keeping the houses, the cars, the kids, and everything else we have earned. I on the other hand end up with a lot less. I just leave. That is what she has said. Go away. I don’t love you anymore.
I guess I'm supposed to let them have everything so their life does not change with the exception of me no longer being part of it. My life on the other hand ends.
I feel like I am about to get the [censored] kicked out me. 50/50 distribution? That is bullshit from what I can tell. Yah I earn a lot and have accumulated a lot of stuff so I should be able to get by on a lot less. That is not the point. What if I wanted to quit or downgrade my job so I could be a stay at home Dad? Do you think I would have a prayer? No way.
I know I am feeling sorry for myself but come on, I'm not sure I can take the high road so my wife can move on and then replace me with a new Dad for my kids. I’m sick of hearing that she wants to move on and meet some one but that she wants the same for me.
I guess I had it all wrong. Give your family the finer things in life because I am lucky enough to be able to do so. In the end none of it mattered because she is not happy. On the other hand, you better believe it is the finer things in life that my wife will now scratch and claw for. It’s not good enough with me but good enough without me?
My poor kids. What a mess. I sound like a selfish looser but I am sad and broken. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I can’t imagine going from seeing my kids every day to every other weekend. Worse yet, in a few years they will want to be with their friends on the weekend, not their Dad. This concept is so #@%&$ insane. Just because a father did not give birth he should somehow be able to cope with this kind of arrangement?
If I could turn back the hands of time I would so I could figure out what I was supposed to do so that this would not be happening.
Blah, blah, blah.
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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((((WhyMe))))) Cyber Hug for you.
I have been on that end of the stick, when the spouse just has no use for you anymore. I can sympathize with that. I know what its like to bust my ass at work, and have the other stay home and benefit. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I still feel like I was doing the right thing. I lost my house, all of my assets, and the like. What did I get? I got my kids.
If I had lost custody of them, and was made to be a weekend parent, it would have crushed me. That is one point that I cant offer any opinion on, as I have never "been there" But, I can tell you that if that was the case, I would make damn sure I would be there for my kids. There ARE women on this board and elsewhere, that have lost primary custody to their ex husbands... and they use their visitation/access rights.
I never understood, and probably never will, my ex's actions in regards to not seeing his child. One of his brothers told me that he feels as if the courts should not be able to tell him when he can see his son. He knew FULL well that I was willing to deviate from the schedule set forth by the court, and give him more access. He used that as an excuse to get out of parental responsibilty. He is now enjoying a life of drinking, and partying with his GF and friends, rather than being a Father.
I guess its all how you look at it. No one will argue with you about how cheated you feel. I certainly wont. I felt cheated too. How do you think it felt for me when I learned that I had to move with my two kids from a house that they called home? You would think that the parent who has custody would get it right? Wrong. I have earning ability, so my ex "needed the marital home". He bought it with his personal injury money, so no one can touch it. Never mind that I supported the family (including him) for over 5 years.
Never mind that he systematically spent all of our savings on trips to FLA with his GF.... never mind any of it. Yes, I still work, and work hard, and I am good at what I do. When I clock out, I rush home to be with my kids, and that is where I stay until it is time to get up and do it all over again.
I would suggest that you look at the bigger picture.... years to come, your kids will look back and say, "Geez, Dad really got the sh*t end of the stick, but he made sure that he saw us, and spent time with us." You might want to consider getting into counseling for the time being, so you can work your anger out of your system, so you can be a better person.
If you are here, and upset over all of this, I can bet that you are a good person.... make the most of yourself. I really know how hard this is for you. I thought my ex loved me, and I thought we would grow old together. I guess he had other plans. I think he used me until he got his settlement, but that is here nor there. I would do it all over again if I knew, becuase look at what we created together?
And for your info... as I said, my own parents are divorced, and way back when, when Fathers didnt get ANY rights, my Father made SURE that he picked us up, and spent time with us. I will forever be grateful to him for that, and we are closer than my Mother and I are with each other. Good luck and keep us posted. If you need to vent, feel free to PM me. Blessings, Onyx
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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WhyMe
newbie
Reged: 12/28/04
Posts: 32
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Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful note.
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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Anytime
:)
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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