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CiCi
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Reged: 03/28/07
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Aching heart
      #271424 - 08/05/07 08:21 AM

So....my daughter has been out in CA with her father all week. Things have been stellar for her - she's been upbeat and positive every day that I've spoken with her....they are having fun (disney land dad, ya know). There are, however, two issues - one that pissed me off and the other that's breaking my heart!!!

On Wednesday, I called my daughter at 10:00 a.m. and she said that her dad went to work and that she was in his apartment waiting for him to get back. Now, it's in our decree that he may NOT leave her alone while she is in CA visiting him. He lives in a not-so-good (alright, bad) neighborhood and I don't have the benefit of knowing anything about the place, so I don't have a comfort level. My daughter begged me not to make an issue out of it with her dad because she felt OK about it. I'm trying to respect her wishes - because I don't want her to stop telling me things. It's negotiating that fine line, ya know, to not lay into him because she's working it out herself. In my mind, the a$$ hole didn't take vacation time to be with his daughter because he's either saving it for the chick or he's used it all up during his trips to South America to be with the chick. Either way, I'm very angry about this and if it happens again (if my daughter continues to tell me about it), I won't send her out there anymore!

She called me at midnight last night and she was bawling and saying that she wanted to come home. After I calmed her down a bit, she said that her dad had been on the phone for 3 hours w/ his chick in South America and that it was bothering her. As I was trying to talk to her, apparently, he noticed that she was crying and wanted to talk to her, so she and I hung up so that they could "resolve" the issue.

You guys....I cannot tell you how much my heart aches when she cries like that. My immediate instinct was to act like a fierce momma bear protecting her cub and if he was in sight, I would have ripped his head off for hurting my baby. I just really, deeply believe that she deserves as much grieving time as we do and how dare he shove this in her face! Everything I do in life factors in my daughter and every decision I make causes me to think about what my actions will mean to others - especially her. Why isn't he the same way? OK, I know that not everyone is the same, but it INFURIATES me that people are so SELFISH. I'm not saying he can't talk to his chick, but why can't he wait until the daughter is sleeping?

AUGH...maybe I'm being a control freak; maybe I'm being over protective; maybe I'm just being a woman scorned. Any way ya slice it....my heart is aching!!!

I haven't spoken to her yet today...I'll keep you updated. Thanks for listening.

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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.


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CiCi
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Reged: 03/28/07
Posts: 493
Re: Aching heart [Re: CiCi]
      #271425 - 08/05/07 08:23 AM

p.s. in addition to an achey heart...i've got an achey head in the form of a sinus and right ear infection. I've been in bed all weekend on antibiotics and advil. I always want my mommy when I'm sick!

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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.


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focusedon2
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Re: Aching heart [Re: CiCi]
      #271444 - 08/05/07 11:35 AM

I can understand where you are coming from. How old is your daughter? Older than 12 I hope, if he left her alone all day in a strange neighborhood.

It is frustrating that he didn't take time off. Does he only have that week? Could your daughter have been exaggerating about the 3 hours on the phone?



[quote] You guys....I cannot tell you how much my heart aches when she cries like that. My immediate instinct was to act like a fierce momma bear protecting her cub and if he was in sight, I would have ripped his head off for hurting my baby. [/quote]

That would be my instinct as well. You want him to value your daughter as much as you do. I don't think that's unreasonable, but it's certainly something you can't "make" happen. I know that you are just venting but I feel for you and your daughter.


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willybillie
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Re: Aching heart [Re: focusedon2]
      #271459 - 08/05/07 12:27 PM

If it was my daughter, I'd have her on the next plane home.

ASAP!!


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CiCi
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Re: Aching heart [Re: willybillie]
      #272027 - 08/06/07 06:14 PM

I was up early on Sunday because I was siething over the incident of Saturday night. I called my ex bright and early - 6:00 a.m. CA time (ha)...woke him up and told him to tell me what went down between him and my baby girl. He said that they talked for a while and everything is better. He said that she expressed a lot of anger and I guess they talked about that. She's been a little on the fence about expressing herself to her father since he left. The one thing I was able to tell her before her convo w/ her dad was that her feelings were valid and she has every right to share with him how she feels.

She seems fine now also...of course, my nose is still out of joint! I really don't like feeling this angry, but I think, as people have pointed out, it's just where I am in my process. I'm sure it will get better....at least, I hope it's sooner rather than later.

Thanks for your support!

XOXO
CiCi

--------------------
Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.


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