AmsterdamAve
recently joined
Reged: 08/06/07
Posts: 4
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SUBJECT LINE SAYS IT ALL .
Should have prefaced this with some more information...
Married for 23 years with a 21 yr old son. She tells me the day after he graduated from College..
I am paying ALL of the mortgage, utilities, car payments, car insurance and medical insurance. Cut her off from the joint bank accts. & credit cards. Have tried to reconcile to no avail. Holds the threat of "Do You Want To Be Served Papers" over me..when we try to talk about money matters. My Lawyer says until she "serves" me, I don't need him. Tired of playing this "game" of hers.
Do I have an advantage in striking 1st with divorce papers since she moved out, took money from our joint acct, got an apartment, hired a lawyer and bought furniture for her new place..
Need to know if I can get an advantage here by her leaving me "holding the bag" 
Edited by AmsterdamAve (08/06/07 10:03 AM)
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jhan6120
journeyman
Reged: 01/31/07
Posts: 60
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First of all, get rid of the 'Don't need him right now' lawyer. He/she sounds like a real jerk. As soon as the word 'divorce' enters the picture, you need a lawyer. Period.
When you get your new lawyer, run the whole situation by him. He should give you a reasoned response based on his experience.
Remember that when you hire a lawyer, YOU'RE the boss. You're paying THEM. It's not the other way around.
You have to dance the fine line beteween being pro-active and self-sabotage in your divorce. Time to start learning.
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AmsterdamAve
recently joined
Reged: 08/06/07
Posts: 4
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Thanks, jhan6120..
I suspected this....
I really appreciate it...
Time to dance that fine line.....
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jhan6120
journeyman
Reged: 01/31/07
Posts: 60
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No Prob. Good luck.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Yes, definately get a lawyer. As for an advantage...some think there is an advantage to filing first. But whatever advantages MAY exist, they are so minor as to be unnoticeable really. The big advantage is in moving on and getting the ball rolling rather than playing games around the situation and hoping it'll resolve itself. Cause it won't.
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Char Fox
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AmsterdamAve
recently joined
Reged: 08/06/07
Posts: 4
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almostheaven...
I have tried (since the day after our son graduated from College in mid May when she said that she was leaving) to plead, agree, tell her I love her, show her I love her, cajole, seek therapy together, seek therapy seperately (I'm STILL going... it's helping..somewhat)to turn this nightmare into another cotton mouth morning...
At this time of day... the advice that I have gotten today from you and others has finally sunk in...
Tried my best... I can honestly look in the mirror and tell myself that from now on...
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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"Holds the threat of "Do You Want To Be Served Papers" over me..when we try to talk about money matters."
HA! Tell her to Bring It.
What exactly does she think she's sparing you from by moving out, taking the cash and refusing to work on your marriage? What great thing is she doing for you with her behavior??
You've got nothing to lose by getting the inevitable ball roll rolling, but you do have a lot to gain - namely the chance to not be held hostage by a woman who wants the benefits of a new life without the hassle of breaking free from the old one. If she was so set on this new life she'd already have filed.
Do it yourself. You deserve better.
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AmsterdamAve
recently joined
Reged: 08/06/07
Posts: 4
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Renee...
Thanks.. You make a whole lotta sense...
Then, again.. my actions don't. (or lack of action to date)
Still blindsided by this. She called last night and said that she was "up" thinking about this and debating it..
I (for once) kept my big mouth shut..
Muddled through the next conversation topic and said goodnight.. (muddled...that's an appropriate word)
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