Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Drew,
I understand your feelings on other meaningful relationships. It's hard to imagine putting yourself out there again. Especially when it's been determined that the normal people are staying at home. I'm lucky in that my kids are pretty accepting, although they don't meet many people I date. They already have a SM though so it makes it a little easier for me to get them past the "this isn't my dad" thing. Dad already broke those waters for me. (Bless him for SOMETHING. LOL)
I didn't have long term marriage (7 years) and have been divorced almost as long as I was married. I can understand how that makes it harder to get involved. In my case it's having been hurt more than once that's the problem.
It's also hard to know that when you start a relationship now it's with more than just the person you're dating. You also have some kind of relationship with their kids and x too. I've been lucky there. My x's wife and I get along great. Last night she invited me (along with the kids) to go out to dinner with her family for her son's b-day dinner. We had a good time and it was nice. In a way it makes it more difficult to find someone because if they are jealous of the relationship I have with my x and his wife it won't work. There are so many things to think about now that it almost makes a person's head hurt!
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Badasp
addict
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 423
Loc: AZ
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I have no idea. I have quit trying and maybe through work, traveling or just doing errands someone of interest will appear and I will be in the right place at the right time. Otherwise it's a crap shoot meeting people online or in bars. You just have to meet so many it seems to find one semi-normal, and you may not.
Maybe we should get t-shirts made that say "I'm one of the normal ones" then we can identify each other in the airport or mall... (lol) I am cracking myself up. How dumb is that?
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Either that or one that says "I'm not like your psycho x." LOL. That one might work too.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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Badasp
addict
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 423
Loc: AZ
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I like yours better...
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Drew
old hand
Reged: 07/30/07
Posts: 1017
Loc: somewhere more familiar
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I am a mechanic. I get really rattled when people come in with a problem (generally men) and say "I'd fix it myself but I don't have the time" (then they stay there and watch me work) or they say I'd do it myself but I don't have the tool(s)" So I decided that I must simply be a brain dead moron with tools and time!!!
I have long said that I was gonna put that on a shirt or change the name of my shop to it. Sorta has a ring to it...
Brain Dead Morons With Tools And Time
What does that make all of us divorcees with all of this advice? I used to joke about someone who was divorced giving me marital advice! I was so smug. I really believed that I had done all the right things to protect and insulate my world from what it seems it is/has become now.
I really understand that one cannot do it. It takes two, two who really want it and have the maturity, foresight, wearwithall and everything else involved to stay the course. To rough the bad weather for the sunshine. To be able to realize that no one is perfect nor will they stay the same, and just love them anyway. Ok, I apologize, I started to wander there. Well actually wandered a pretty good bit.
What then is understanding gained, when the very means that rendered the understanding makes it obsolete?
How about a shirt that says......
Never, Never, Ever, say Never!!!
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"living, learning, from my creator. you gave me life now show me how to live" c. cornell
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
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What then is understanding gained, when the very means that rendered the understanding makes it obsolete?
You have to take into account that you are a professional mechanic, what takes you one hour would take me 6, so I don't have the time is truer than you realize. And depending on the type of repair, I probably don't have the tool. I trust your judgement and expertise so much more than I do my own. Chances are you will get it right the first time, that chance is a lot lower when I do it by myself. Don't discount those sayings so much. I would have done my own divorce if I had the time and knowledge, but as with the car, I leave it to those who know best.
Any knowledge you gained through your marriage and divorce is not rendered obsolete. It only becomes that when you don't look back and learn. The difference between someone who has been married once and is still happily married and the person is divorced is their perspective. You have seen it both ways so you have a greater knowledge of the down side, and that is never obsolete. Your advice can help others who may be headed down that road because you have seen things they have not and are better able to recognize them. I also believe, that having gone through a divorce, I am better prepared for that next relationship.
Maybe the understanding you gained is actually wisdom and that never becomes obsolete.
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Drew
old hand
Reged: 07/30/07
Posts: 1017
Loc: somewhere more familiar
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You know, you seem to be a pretty well rounded type. I can admire that.
My personal observation and opinion is that mankind does not possess the capacity to be wise. We are at best, and I mean at best, astute observers. This providing at least the potential to be knowledgable but not wise.
I believe wisdom is more of a divine concept. One that begins with humility and the capacity for absolute honesty.
Qualities/virtues that seem to be out of reach for mankind.
Thanx for your comments though Redlegg.
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"living, learning, from my creator. you gave me life now show me how to live" c. cornell
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26804
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As devine concepts go, all things are possible, to assume any different is arrogant. It is substituting one's own judgement for the written word. Absolute honesty removes compassion, and one of the differences between humane and the inhumane is compassion. Wisdom is achieved at times, but not always, and sometimes our own arrogance prevents us from seeing wisdom, but don't give up on humanity. Out of all the absolutes in our world, mankind's ability to change has been proven over and over again.
I don't know about well rounded, but I do accept possibilities.
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Wisdom is learning from experience and then applying what we learned to everyday life. I don't think it's a devine concept, ethereal, or just a metaphor. Wisdom exists. But we have to fight to maintain that wisdom and/or what we learned, and not slip back into past behaviors or we repeat history and then wonder why we're miserable again.
Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees and need circumstances to conk us over the head or a good friend, or maybe even a foe to give us a definite sign, for us to learn an important lesson and/or gain wisdom. So wisdom is also knowing that we must keep an open mind, pay attention to what's happening in our life, listen and learn from those that are trying to teach us important lessons and not just bungle along, letting the wind blow us wherever it wants.
I love the Serenity Prayer. It states everything so simply and eloquently:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
"The wisdom to know the difference..." That's the hardest part for me sometimes...
Very interesting thread.
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Very funny badasp re: T-Shirt idea. I laughed out loud, especially where you mentioned how you cracked yourself up :).
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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