Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
|
|
JUST PLAYING DEVILS ADVOCATE TO HELP YOU TIM.. (not yelling)
[quote]How do you abuse a presribed drug, other than lying to the doctor to obtain them?
---> People do it all day every day Tim. I lived with a active drug addict. I've been in AA over 10 years. I know the pattern. It's called doctor shopping. I was prescribed narcotic pain meds also for a medical condition and stopped taking them immediately upon filing for divorce as I knew she would try to use it (and she did, but I had it documented I no longer took them). However, if I didnt have that documnetation, the judge would of used it as further evidence.
The drugs I take only kill maybe 1/2 the pain, at best, and they don't get me high at all. When I went through treatment (6 times) I learned that if you are taking them as prescribed, for valid reasons, they only kill the pain, and is use, not abuse.
---> No treatment program is going to tell you that. In addition, there are alternate pain relief methods available for those who suffer from chronic pain. You have been through treatment six times so it has been less than successful for you. If you go before a judge and announce you have been through treatment 6 times, you are sunk..that is spelled S U N K.
That is also the opinion of most doctors I've dealt with. They have always purposely bumped me up to higher levels after the pain became intolerable. (And bumped me back down, off oxy-contin, after my suicide attempt: they claimed that oxy-contin is linked to suicide.)
---> All narcotics are linked to suicide. If you expect to win in this, you need to find alternate means of pain relief.
I have no choice in the matter. Narcotics, along with Neurontin and Tramadol are the only treatment left for me. I could not bear the pain without them. I will be taking them for the rest of my life.
---> Tramadol is also a narcotic. You will be suprised how much pain you can bear when it comes to your kids. PM me if you want.
I'm not quibbling with you -- I really want to know. [/quote]
--------------------
GO CUBBIES!!!!
|
emilar
enthusiast
Reged: 06/11/06
Posts: 380
|
|
Yes, I agree with you. It actually would have been better if my family had been killed, instead of losing all of them in this manner. I would have mourned, but I would have gone on thinking that we all loved each other. Now, I will probably never see any of them again, and they won't even explain their reasons -- they just leave in the in the dark.
No, Tim, I didn't mean your family should be dead. I meant the institution of family is severed. You learn to live as a family unit and it fills your heart. You have problems, but you have that family unit. When you lose it to divorce, its like having your heart ripped out of you. Everything you have depended on is seperated from you. Your children still love you, Tim. There is nothing anyone including their mother can do to change this. Unless they are very small, this isnt going to work. And don't think for one minute that this hasn't been on their minds. Which is torture and abuse, in my opinion. From what I can surmise from reading, you didn't abuse your kids. And if all she can prove is you yelled at her, then everybody in this forum is guilty. It is nowhere near justification for the parental alienation she is subjecting you to. Those children were blessings from the lord to both of you, thats why it takes two to make them. With that said, I agree with Relayer,even she can't prove your a drug addict, once its out there, its in the courts mind.
Remember the post I wrote you about chronic pain. No-one understands that unless they are going through it themselves. Most judges aren't or they would'nt be judges, they would be disabled.
You are a drug addict, but not by your own free will, just circumstances beyond your control.
I am sure like me, you have tried every possible form of alternate pain management and still can't function without it.
You should qualify for SSI, they don't count your work hours, and are based on need.
And its Federal, not state. I don't know what exactly SSI takes into account, but SSDI does not consider your home, or personal assets up to a point. They do count savings accounts, but you don't have any. What is your monthly income not considering your spouse? I don't think SSI is retroactive though I could be wrong.
I just looked up the requirements Tim , and they are the same as SSDI minus the work hours. As long as you have applied all other sources of benefits, you qualify. Go to this link. Take the interactive quiz, it will tell you if and how much you would be entitled too.
http://www.socialsecurity.gov/ssi/text-resources-ussi.htm
--------------------
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
|
Tim_M
journeyman
Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri
|
|
The last treatment program I was in was 17 years ago. I went through 4 different treatment centers (including the VA), and ALL of them told me that taking precribed drugs for a VALID medical reason is use, not abuse.
Yes, the treatments failed, but that was because they did not address the root problem -- the (false) knowledge that my father was a child molester. That problem was addressed when my sister admitted making up those allegations, ten years ago. No more drugs, no more alcohol. (I still have never been able to deal with the sexual abuse and beatings I suffered as a child, but I have not need drugs or alcohol to escape from that abuse.)
I have mostly just suppressed the memories of the sexual and physical abuse, although they surfave from time to time. I lost many memories before age 18, when I went through the windshield of a car and was in a coma for several days. I lost more memories when I had the stroke last Christmas Eve. Having been raped by a family "friend," and beaten by my father for years, I absolutely detest abuse of any kind, looking at these crimes as being at the same level as murder, because murder at least ends the affects of abuse on a child's life. It is one reason why I am incapable of abuse, and was so greatly offended when my wife alleged abuse on my part.
I've only had one doctor (out at least a dozen different specialists I've seen) tell me that I needed to get off the narcotics. The last two specialists I saw (at a pain clinic and my psychiatrist) both agree that I have tried alternatives for pain control, which failed. They both agreed, along with my doctor, three surgeons, and a neurologist, that the only option left for me is lifetime pain control with narcotics. There are just too many problems with both my joints and my back to be resolved in any way that they know of. The neurosurgeon said he could sever a nerve in my spine which would end ALL pain in my upper body, but he would not do this because he said that pain is a warning system, and being without the ability to feel ANY pain in my upper body would be very dangerous.
I'm stuck with the narcotics... Hopefully, my medical documentation will convince the judge that my narcotic use IS use, and not abuse. I do not doctor shop; all of my medications are prescribed by the same doctor that I have been seeing for 7 years, in consultation with numerous specialists.
On a different note, my attorney told me that my wife could be prosecuted in federal court for felony abduction, under the Uniform Child-Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act, for taking my daughter to Nebraska without a court order. That is in addition to the two state statutes that she has violated, and a third which instructs the judge to take such actions by her into consideration for purposes of custody issues. She also violated a 4th statute by refusing any visitation by me, and a 5th statute was violated when she enrolled my daughter in the Nebraska school system without conferring with me.
I am using that knowledge as leverage to attempt negotiations with my wife on an alternative to divorce or legal separation. Separation is Biblical, divorce is not. If she is unwilling to consider alternatives, then I will pursue the state remedies (which are civil, unless she refuses to return my daughter to Missouri -- at which point it escalates to the level of a state felony case), along with the court-ordered investigation into my daughters welfare,) along with pursuit of federal felony charges against my wife. That will hopefully be a big motivator for my wife to begin cooperating with me.
She told me that my daughter said that she would run away if she was forced to return to the local school system. I responded that she could attend a different, better school system in Maryville, MO. I see this as a lack of discipline; my wife has always been very lenient with my children, and the fact that my daughter would even say that she would run away is an indication to me that her mother is not the good parent that she should be.
It was my verbal discipline of my daughter, which I always did calmly, reasonably, and in love, that my wife claims was "abuse." My daughter wrote about these (rare) discipline sessions in her journal I found, and it was either seriously distorted from the truth, or complete fabrications. It frightens me that she would do that, because she is at the same age that my sister was when she falsely acused my father of molesting her. It shows me that my daughter is in need of professional help, and she will not get that help under her mother's parental control.
I don't know how all of this will turn out, but the case law that I and my attorney have researched are strongly in my favor. The only problems I will face are possible homelessness for awhile, and being medically-uninsured (and uninsurable) if a divorce becomes final. But my wife will be in a heap of legal trouble, and under the relevant statutes, she will also be on the hook for my legal fees. Those statutes specifically state that the party responding to the motions I will file are responsible for the reasonable attorney's fees and court costs of the party filing the motions.
She made a serious mistake taking my daughter across state lines without specific court authorization to do so, and the judge hearing this case is a no-nonsense judge (because he is ambitiously seeking a future appointment to an appellate court.) He doesn't play games, and in specific cases in the past where one parent moved a child without a court order, even inside the state, he has issued contempt of court citations; in some of his cases, he gave the non-custodial parent custody of the child.
My wife has a big hurdle to prove abuse on my part, compared with an OP hearing. And I am confident that a court-ordered investigation into my daughter's welfare will reveal emotional abuse (EA) on the part of her mother, because my psychiatrist told me that in my case, every single classic sign of her EA of me was present. And my daughter, right now, is in the complete control of her mother.
Hopefully, my wife will come to the knowledge that an alternative to divorce or legal separation is in all of our best interests, as my proposal includes therapy sessions for all of us. If she insists on this divorce, then she will suffer the consequences, as will I, but she will suffer more than I will.
I never thought you were yelling at me. I respect your advice, and continue to welcome it.
|
Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
|
|
Tim, believe me, regardless of what your doctors say, your failed treatment attempts will figure heavily into your custody issue, along with your present use of narcotic pain medication.
--------------------
GO CUBBIES!!!!
|
emilar
enthusiast
Reged: 06/11/06
Posts: 380
|
|
Tim,
Listen to Relayer. I know you are justified in your narcotic use, but it's not something the general public looks kindly on. Your already facing an uphill battle, because she has thrown abuser out there. And the journal entries by your daughter don't sound too good either. Teens have a lot of angst, and stuff like that can kill a custody fight for a father. I feel real bad about your abuse, but thats something you will have to tone down as well. Get counseling, but don't talk about that stuff in court. They won't give you your kids if they think you have mental issues and drug issues. There's just no way. Just tone it down, focus on your good points, how much you love your family, and your faith. A loving, moral father, who can raise his children better than their mother, is what you are aiming for. I know you are in a lot of pain- but listen to Relayer, he's a man and can tell you just how it looks. No matter how bad a mother is, the courts will err on her side,if they think theres even the slightest doubt about you.
--------------------
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
|
Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
|
|
[quote]Tim,
Listen to Relayer. I know you are justified in your narcotic use, but it's not something the general public looks kindly on. Your already facing an uphill battle, because she has thrown abuser out there. And the journal entries by your daughter don't sound too good either. Teens have a lot of angst, and stuff like that can kill a custody fight for a father. I feel real bad about your abuse, but thats something you will have to tone down as well. Get counseling, but don't talk about that stuff in court. They won't give you your kids if they think you have mental issues and drug issues. There's just no way. Just tone it down, focus on your good points, how much you love your family, and your faith. A loving, moral father, who can raise his children better than their mother, is what you are aiming for. I know you are in a lot of pain- but listen to Relayer, he's a man and can tell you just how it looks. No matter how bad a mother is, the courts will err on her side,if they think theres even the slightest doubt about you. [/quote]
And a disabled suicidal former drug abuser with 6 failed rehab attempts does not in any way, shape or form factor in his favor. It hurts him substantially and you can be sure his wife is going to focus on that and use it as a basis for divorce and for limiting his involvement with the children. Also as means for denying support. Being a victim of child abuse yourself also hurts, as statistically, most abusers were also abused themselves as kids.
Tim, my advice is this. As Elimar said, you need to substantially downplay some of the abuse/disability. Basically, you sound hysterical and yes, you probably are because you are getting screwed. But it sounds unstable and the courts love stability when it comes to the children.
You need to explore and document alternate methods for pain relief. Rarely do people become opiate addicts buy buying pain meds off the street. They typically are precribed them by doctors. Usually multiple doctors. As you said, you have multiple doctors. BTW, your psychiatrist in not qualified to make any kind of statement regarding your use of narcotic pain medication. Reading this as a 3rd party (which a judge also is) it appears you are in active addiction and drug abuse. Not saying you are. It just appears that way.
You need to use your VA disablity confirmation that a disability exist. I don't care what your lawyer is telling you. You have applied for SSI and have not been approved yet. The court is NOT going to accept a diagnosis of a disability without a confirming government agency. You can find a doctor who will say or testify to anything for enough money and the courts know this.
You need to get into immediate further counseling without taking benzodiazepines also.
Quit taking what your lawyer says as fact. Your lawyer is interested in making moneey. Yes, he is supposed to be acting in your best interest but the reality of the situation is they often times do not.
--------------------
GO CUBBIES!!!!
|
Tim_M
journeyman
Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri
|
|
Relayer, I have explored alternative methods of pain control. That's why I was sent to a pain clinic for months. I've tried hypnosis, spinal injections, and 36 weeks of physical therapy. They simply did not work. I spend 6 hours a day on a heating pad, which provides a little relief (but has also left the skin on my back black in color.) I've been to so many specialists that it has left me in nearly $100,000 in debt over the past 10 years.
And with all of my insurance problems, I cannot even afford the copays for any more specialist visits, the frequent MRIs and X-rays they all seem to want (I've had about 14 or 15 MRI's and about the same number of CAT scans during the last 30 years,) the colonoscopy I am supposed to undergo every year for my Crohn's disease, the bone and blood tests I'm supposed to have for my failing kidneys, the therapy that I know I need, or soon, even the medicines that I need. I'm working with the Legion to update my VA benefits, but the average wait time for an examination is four months, then 177 days for an initial disability hearing, and then 628 days for an appeals hearing. Every single disabled veteran I have ever met had to go through 3 appeals process, as I did back in the 1990's. The VA (as the SSA does) simply denies disability requests as a matter of policy, eventually approving them after several attempts. They know that over half of the applicants will give up, rather than continue through a nightmare of a process. And the SSA requires that your own doctor provide the documentation, at your own expense.
I've been advised by my state caseworker to appeal the decision to deny me Medicaid. She told me that the medical panel often denies applications that are later approved on appeal, for the same reasons that the VA and SSA routinely denies initial claims. I always thought that Medicaid was for the poor (which I am,) but she told me that in Missouri, Medicaid is only for completely and permanently disabled persons. I plan to appeal, but she told me that it is a 6 month process.
If I have to wait 2 or 3 years to go through the SSA process before a judge will order maintenance, how am I to survive in the meantime? And why would failed drug and alcohol treatment 17 years ago have any relevance to my situation today? I haven't asked for these narcotics -- they were ordered by my doctor. I admit that I need them to control the pain, but I have never asked for them, or for them to be increased in dosage, and my doctor should be able to testify to that in deposition. He will also testify that my wife has been present at every single medical appointment I've been to, that she knows all of the diagnoses and outcomes, and that she has heard, over and over again, my doctors telling me that I have to accept the fact that I will never work again.
In a sense, I was screwed by my own doctor. I wanted to apply for disability back in 2003, after the bull damaged my spine, but he first wanted to go through all of the specialists, physical therapy, and pain clinic to see if there would be any improvement. The lawyers I hired to represent me in the SSA process told me that if I had applied for disability back then, when I was at a younger age and needed fewer "work credits" to be eligible, I would have been approved. Now, at age 45, I need more work credits to qualify, and I do not have them.
I don't mean to sound hysterical. But the fact that my wife removed my daughter from Missouri without a court order and is denying me access to her, is infuriating. Breaking 7 different state and federal laws should have consequences, and at the moment, I am only using them as a "motivator" for her to agree to discuss alternatives to divorce. My theology simply doesn't recognize divorce, and miscommunications and the fabrications of verbal "abuse" by my daughter should not be the basis for a divorce.
I only plan to raise the emotional abuse issue if my wife raises my alleged abuse. And then only by letting the court-ordered investigation into my daughter's welfare discover this abuse and present the findings to the court. I do plan to present myself as the innocent party, concerned for my daughter's welfare, and loving, caring, and kind -- because I AM all of those things. I try to obey the commands of Jesus to the best of my ability, and that precludes being abusive in any way, raising my children as Christians, disiplining them rarely to correct bad behavior in a loving manner, and striving to do everything for their benefit, not mine.
I think that having been abused myself actually has helped me to end the cycle of abuse that you refer to, because I have used those experiences to make sure that I never abused anyone else. I did the exact opposite that my father did to raise my children. Not once have I raised a hand against them, verbally abused them, or even disiplined them in anger. And since my wife was the only girlfriend I've had since my earlier one was raped and killed, and because we were best friends for years before we married, I put every bit of love I had for her into our relationship. I think that my daughter's fabrications and my wife's emotional abuse (which she probably wasn't even aware of,) along with our communications problems, has led to this divorce.
A train that runs off the track should be put back on the right track, not destroyed.
I don't take benzodiazepines, to my knowledge. I take antidepressants (Remeron and Risperdal,) several drugs for high blood pressure (sometimes over 200/100,) drugs for my Crohn's disease (which has nearly killed me 3 times,) an enlarged prostrate gland, epilepsy, heart disease (a birth defect,) my failing kidneys, the neurological problems from my spine, several drugs to control joint and back pain, and very rarely, sleeping pills.
I know I sound defensive, and I probably am. I am not being combative with any of you; if I come off sounding that way, then I apologize for it. I am simply trying to sort all of this out, map a strategy to try to save my marriage short of divorce (if possible) and to prevail if a divorce is inevitable, trying to determine how to get my family (especially my daughter) the help we all need, and trying to see how it is even possible for me to survive all of this. The medical, disability, social welfare, and court systems are so slow that they are working against me, instead of helping me.
|
emilar
enthusiast
Reged: 06/11/06
Posts: 380
|
|
Tim,
It's frustrating, I know. You are really obsessing on the daughter thing. Family law has all kinds of statutes. But getting a judge to enforce anything stemming from domestic discord is hard. The reason is people are in an emotional upheaval during this kind of stress and unless they actually cause some kind of felonious assault or other serious crime, they are going to be given a lot of leeway. The cost of litigating these disputes and the time they take just don't make senses for heat of the moment offenses.
I know you feel outraged and hurt, but take a step back. It is what it is. Thats what your lawyer is for, a buffer zone.
I don't know what your religion is, but there has to be some church that will help you, if only for the food. And the salvation army is everywhere, go there if you become homeless.I hope things turn around a little soon, but stop dwelling on it. Go outside, sit on the porch, play your guitar,laugh. It will help. Someday this divorce will be all over and you'll wonder why you were so upset in the first place. I am a woman and I'm telling you the truth. A woman can get away with showing the feelings you are showing, a man cannot, not in the eyes of society. You need to cut back on your drugs as much as humanly possible, because they will and do play on your fragile mental state. A little pain is better than suicidal thoughts anyday.
--------------------
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
|
Tim_M
journeyman
Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri
|
|
Well, I appreciate your advice. I would point out, however, that every one of those statutes instructs the court to order my wife to pay my legal and court costs associated with filing the relevant motions, so it will not cost me anything. And, I plan to use them only as a last result. My attorney urged me last week to give her a week or two to see how she reacts, and then he advises that we file the motions, if she fails to cooperate -- especially concerning visitation with my daughter. It is my attorney who is advising me that she has broken (now) 7 state laws, and 2 federal laws; some of them permit only civil remedies (like an order for my daughter's immediate return to Missouri and contempt of court citations,) but two state laws make what she did a class D felony, one federal law provides for up to 5 years in prison, and the second for up to 7 years in prison. So she has exposed herself to state misdimeanor and felony charges, and two federal felony charges. Again, I only plan to use them as a last resort.
Most of the above stems from my legitimate concern for the welfare of my daughter, who has threatened her mother with running away. I am seriously worried about what is going on her environment, and have to do what I can to address those concerns. I remain upset with my wife's decision to divorce, but not to the extent that I am worried over my daughter's welfare. She never would have talked about skipping school or running away from home a year ago, so something very serious is happening with her.
The nearest church that can help me spiritually (but not in other ways) is 45 miles away (a $10 gas bill roundtrip,) and the nearest Salvation Army is nearly 75 miles away. If my wife reneges on her agreement, she will also cancel my auto insurance, which she is paying monthly (despite the fact that it only costs her $121 for a six month period.) I asked her to pay the full amount, so I will have transportation for at least 6 months, but she has completely ignored my request. I only have enough money for two trips per month into town, when I try to combine shopping, medical/drugs, the post office, and visits with my lawyer all on the same day. Since my lawyer and the doctors/pharmacists are not open on Sunday, that means I cannot even attend church; I simply do not have enough gas money.
You really have to see this area for yourself to appreciate how sparsely populated it is. My nearest neighbor (who has helped with bringing me vegetables to eat) is literally 8 miles away. 9 out of 10 of the nearest homes that were occupied in the year 2000, when we moved here, are now empty. Everybody who can is fleeing the 17 hog confinement facilities that are planned for this county, nearly all employers that were here when we bought this farm have gone out of business (over half of the jobs in the county disappeared just in the last 3 years,) and there are only a handful of small farmers left. The majority of the land here is literally owned by doctors and lawyers from Omaha (90 miles away,) and they just rent out the land at the highest price they can get to mostly BIG farmers from Kansas or Nebraska.
I asked my lawyer about the situation involving my prescriptions, but have not heard from him yet. The only drug I could probably eliminate (which would be against my doctor's advice) is Risperdal; it doesn't seem to be helping me anyway. I am stuck with the narcotics -- my pain has been classified as "severe" since 2003, and the two narcotics I currently take only relieve about half of my pain. There is simply no way I can bear any more increase in pain by cutting back. My doctor wants to prescribe a morphine pump for my back (which costs $600 each month.) I haven't yet decided on that, preferring to wait for my attorney's opinion on how all of this affects my case. In the past, his professional opinion is that all of this would actually strengthen my case for substantial maintenance.
I haven't had any suicidal thoughts for several days, which I see as hopeful. I think my mind is too busy worrying about the physical needs I have, and how to provide for them. In any case, I want to see the final outcome of my case. It just hopefully will be positive.
I only reveal my feelings in this forum (and previously to my wife.) I have an iron face mask developed as a defense mechanism to the abuse I suffered as a child. Even my wife could not determine my emotions unless I told them to her; that was, in retrospect, a contributing factor to our problems. You are right about society not accepting strong emotions from a man, which I see as unfortunate. Some of us men have very strong emotions, which we are taught as children early on not to reveal. I remember hugging my dad at age 6, when he had just returned from his fourth tour of duty in Vietnam, and he pushed me away and told me to never do that again. He said that men only shake hands. But at age 6? I'm sure that has also contributed to the many ills that we endure as a society and community. But it is a fact of life...
|
Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
|
|
Tim, once and for all you need to understand three things and then I am bowing out of this thread.
1. The statute does not direct the court or instruct the court to do a single f-ing thing. The keep saying that and quoting the statute and thinking it is a slam dunk. It is not in the very least. You need to seriously understand that. It allows a motion based on a statute but it in no way binds the court or forces them to do a damn thing. That is what case law is for. Do ou have the vaugest idea what case law is? Go to your county courthouse law library and start reading them.
2. Yes, failed drug/alochol rehabds are just that. Failed. The court is going to look at the failures and rule that you are still active in your drug abuse. You subsequent suicide attempts and your general disposition poiints to it to. If you go before a court and piss and moan and say things even remotely related to the kind of things you have said here, your case is lost. 100% for sure. The court is not going to consider much from a suicial addict who has failed in remedial efforts.
3. You can believe or delude yourself into anything, but this is not going to go the way you think, want or believe.
--------------------
GO CUBBIES!!!!
|
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
[Re: 
Edit
Reply
Quote
