LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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I have been home the last two days sick from work. Whatever bug hit me, it has hit me hard. I am not myself right now and I just came off of a crying jag that isn't like me at all either. I'm just tired, sick and burned out! I needed to vent where I know I would be understood. I'm so tired of juggling and doing everything, everyday, alone...
I tried to talk to my nursing supervisor today, when I called in to let her know I was still running a fever, feeling awful and there was no way I could come in. I tried to let her know that the schedule she's put me on right now is doing me in. She has scheduled me back to back days, three in a row, one day off, then four in a row, one day off. I can't keep up the pace and my body is even finally telling me so. My kids are suffering, I'm suffering and when I tried to address it with her, she blew me off, told me I had to do it, she couldn't change it for me.
I am just feeling so very overwhelmed tonight. I know it's from coming right out of nursing school, starting a new and demanding job, studying for and passing my state licensing exam and every other stress I've been dealing with alone the last 6 years. Currently my dad just getting out of the hospital with heart problems that are scaring me. I know everything is magnified because I do not feel well right now and because I am feeling I've walked into a job that I was very straight forward about what I could and couldn't do and they have not been straight forward in return. They are pushing me and I feel it is going to cost me my sanity, my health and more important than all of that, I feel I've put my kids on the back burner and I hate that the most of all. I don't know what to do and I'm just feeling so desperately alone trying to make it all work out right now.
Sorry for the pity party. I'm just not myself and I am totally tired of doing it alone. I miss hugs, I miss a pat of the back, I miss another grown up to talk to every day. Someone to help carry the load and share in the good and the bad. I think this is the closest I've ever felt to burnout and I don't know what to do about it.
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Oh Lori, I soooooooooo feel for you. But I'm betting your health is poor and it's what's causing you to feel overwhelmed, etc.
Have you had a physical lately? I know it sounds kinda dumb to ask a nurse if she's okay health wise, but hey, isn't the rule of thumb that the shoemaker's wife, shoes are full of holes?
Anyway, if you're exhausted, depressed, feeling overwhelmed it could be many things. But I doubt it's psychological or emotional. I'm betting it could be something physical and like you said, it's causing you to react in ways you normally wouldn't.
Have you had a check up lately? Blood work done? I have had bouts of extreme exhaustion, etc and it turned out to be hypothyroidism and severe anemia. But at the time, I thought I was just getting older; hadn't gotten enough sleep; had too much pressure and stress on me; and kept ignoring what my body was trying to communicate to me....that something was wrong and I better pay attention.
Long story short, 10 years ago I discovered I was hypothyroid. The symptoms were extreme exhaustion, to the point where I'd take a shower and had to rest for an hour or so afterward; where I felt depressed and hopeless to the point I lost alot of my usual passion for living (not like me at all); and the final straw happened when I was at a KMart, shopping for my kids; became exhausted and had to sit down in the aisle cause I just didn't have the energy to take one more step. How embarrassing...
Finally I went to the doctor. He took a simple blood test, and I learned I was hypothyroid. Fast forward; I got on the right amount of meds and was back to my old, hyper self. Thank God!
10 years later, I started to tire again. Felt the spark go out of me. Was constantly sick. Finally (and you'd think I'd learn my lesson re: the last health issue mentioned) I went to the doctor. She took a blood test and told me that I needed to go to the hospital to get a blood transfusion.
I was horrified. Scared. The doctor told me later that my stats were to the point where I was close to dying. I had severe anemia.
Fast forward once again, I got 3 pints of blood pumped into me, started taking massive doses of iron and little by little I regained my equilibrium, health, energy and zest for living.
Then I came down with the most awful flu ever. Had a 104 temperature for 4 days. I thought I was dying. Literally. Finally, the fever broke and I was okay. But I should have gone to the doctor. But nope, not me. I think I'm super woman; that I just had a little bug. Wrong. I was closer to becoming severely ill than I thought.
Bottom line (I use that term alot cause it conveniently puts thing in a nutshell) is that I ignored some pretty severe symptoms before I finally got help.
Don't do the same Lori. I know you haven't been feeling right for awhile. The body has a way of expressing how the mind feels. Your body is telling you to take a break; to slow down. It's also telling you to see a doctor. I know money is tight, but your health is NOT worth risking. You have kids and people who care about you and depend on you and can't let them down.
There are numerous illness that have extreme exhaustion as a symptom as you know; anemia, hypothyriodism; lyme disease; mononucleosis; flu; and on and on. Get checked out. Find the money. Don't write off how you feel as getting older; just a bug; stress; etc. I'm betting it's none of those and could be something you could get 'fixed' with meds.
Promise me you'll get checked out...
Melanie
P.S. You could also be very emotional if you're entering peri-menopause or menopause. Alot of us know how tough the hormones can be when going through this phase and how it effects our emotions and our health. Take this into consideration also.
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Thanks Melanie, I mean it. As it turns out, I already have an appt scheduled for tomorrow. I've been 3 years without any health insurance and finally have it now. This appt was a routine check-up, with perfect timing now. I'm not myself. It's not like me to feel like "I just give up!", but that's how I'm feeling. I know it will pass. Just exhausted from feeling bad the last few day, running a fever, etc. Why is it when you need the rest and sleep the most while sick, it's the hardest time to get it? I don't sleep well when sick and I'm sure this is playing a huge role in my state of mind.
I'm off to bed. Sorry for the rant and vent.
Hugs,
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Lori,
Don't you dare apologize for voicing your concerns! Meanwhile, I hope you get a good night's sleep. And good luck at the doctor's. Post and let us know how things turn out.
Nighty, night. Sleep tight.
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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CiCi
addict
Reged: 03/28/07
Posts: 493
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Oh, sweetie! I'm sorry you're feeling so under the weather and out of sorts. I think that Melanie's story has a good lesson, and that is to start to rule things out. I'm thrilled that you have insurance finally and can't imagine how you lived without it for 3 whole years!
I also know that when things start to pile up, exhaustion sets in. You're not only carrying a heavy work load and have to take care of your family and all the day-to-day things that you should have some help with, but you're piling on the guilt about putting your kids on the back burner. All those things are a prescription for exhaustion, sweetie.
I think that your supervisor may need another talking to - in person. Be clear about your boundaries...and if she doesn't seem willing to help you, consider talking to her supervisor. Nurses are in short supply, so maybe they'll do whatever it takes to keep you on board!
Get some rest, Lori! Eat a heaping helping of chicken soup and take your vitamins. I find the B complex is really helpful in keeping colds away - and they say it's good for the nervous system.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
CiCi
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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Thanks Melanie and CiCi,
Just got back from my doctor's visit and I'm worn out from just doing that. My oldest son is coming over and taking me to the hospital I work at, to get a list of lab work done that's been ordered and also a chest x-ray. I've been given a note to be out of work until Monday. I think everything has just caught up to me finally. I'm dragging. Hopefully I am on the right track now to feeling better soon. Just a little concerned about one lab test that came back while in the office, but they are running more tests and will know more about that soon.
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Yeah, I used to have days like that when I was the sole supporter of my family ( wife and two kids ) but I thought it was a good idea for a SAHP, SO I SUCKED IT UP AND WENT TO WORK ANYWAY AND WAS MISERABLE.
Now I have to pay alimony for that decision. You women make me sick with your whining and crying...STFU !@!!
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Drew
old hand
Reged: 07/30/07
Posts: 1017
Loc: somewhere more familiar
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Aww come on now yregna, stop patronizing and sugarcoating everything and tell us how you really feel!!!
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"living, learning, from my creator. you gave me life now show me how to live" c. cornell
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Thanks yregna,
Good to know we can always count on you for compassion and caring of your fellow human beings.
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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sonnyfla
member
Reged: 06/07/07
Posts: 116
Loc: Florida
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yregna, is that really necessary? It doesn't seem helpful to anyone, including yourself!!
Sonny
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Build a bridge and get over it!
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