mdmymd
newbie
Reged: 07/04/07
Posts: 45
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How in the world do you muster the strength to file for divorce when you know it's the right thing to do? With these or similar conditions that is ...
I am scared to death of losing my children (they're 2 and 4), though certainly would make them available to my husband as we mutually decide or even more often. As it benefits the children to keep that relationship with their father. But ...
I am a SAHM now and have been for almost 5 years after working for over 10. I am not unwilling to return to work but we had planned for that to happen after our youngest enters Kindergarten so he won't have to attend daycare (daycares here are not great quality). Plus the line of work I have been in requires a lot of travel which I would not be able to do with the children, esp so young.
Our situation is compounded by my want to move back "home" from where we are now. During our 13 year marriage, I have taken side-steps in my career 7 times in order to further my husband's career by moving all over the country and back, yes, 7 times. But now I would like to move back to our home state with the children as the schools are far better there, and family is there (mine and husbands). Husband is not open to moving home and that's a large part of our marital issues (well, besides his 6-month affair that supposedly recently ended).
Money's an issue too (for everyone I know). We have a little, but it's not liquid so I can pay the retainer my lawyer requires. It's tied up in 401Ks, kids college funds, a vacation property, and our house.
Husband's threatened to fight me until the bitter end and we're both impoverished over moving with the children (I won't go without them). And he wants to stay married. I'm pretty sure I don't want to. But I am really really scared to act. I don't have family around here to help us out, that's part of it. I am also afraid of taking the children through a contentious time between their father and me. Ideally moving the children from him wouldn't be what I would choose, but where we live now is far from most anyone's idea of ideal. It was always our plan to move around when we were younger (20's & 30's) so we'd be able to get back to our home state. Now he's bailed on that agreement, finding he likes it where we are now, though I really really don't.
Sorry if all this is difficult to follow. I am just so torn between sucking it up until my youngest is in college or throwing caution to the wind and taking my chances in court. Speaking of court, I would most likely win my bid to take the children back to our home state as our current state is very permissive in those cases. I have done my research and the onus is squarely on the non-custodial parent to prove that a move would be detrimental to the children. Our home state is far more beneficial.
How have you who've been through a divorce, or are getting through one currently, acquired the strength to press on? Bless you if you've read this far 
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Lotsoflight
member
Reged: 07/02/07
Posts: 105
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Have you tried counseling? Have you discussed long term plans regarding moving and asked him to agree to a time frame? Is he remorseful about his indiscretion? Are you both working to recover from that? Do you communicate openly and regularly?
If you're deadset on divorce then .... you probably would not lose your children but you will have to endure at least a year of misery, fighting with him over petty things, talking to an attorney who doesn't know you personally nor truly cares. You will be required to let him take your precious children for every other weekend while you sit home alone wondering if they're being fed, loved or cared for. That's if you can find a way, being a SAHM, to stay in your home. You will come to hate him and be bitter and know the feeling of constant pain. If the court requires you to stay where you're currently located, then you'll do all this alone. Then there's the dating scene, where many men are interested in one thing only and set their standards at blonde, blue-eyed and big busted. You'll feel as if you can never trust another human being again and will look back on all your memories that you once cherished, like the birth of your children, with disdain as he was present.
Sorry, having a bad day. I wish you luck.
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"When all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do."
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