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hurtinKS
recently joined


Reged: 08/15/07
Posts: 2
So heartbroken
      #277280 - 08/17/07 06:35 PM

This is my first post here and my story so long that i'm going to forego it and just ask, how do we handle the heartache?? I'm not divorced, but I feel it should definately be the next step. How do you let go of someone you've loved for so long.....but you know deep inside they don't love you, they just "need" you? I can't express how much I'm hurting...........

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Drew
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Reged: 07/30/07
Posts: 1017
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Re: So heartbroken [Re: hurtinKS]
      #277868 - 08/19/07 09:25 PM

hurtin,

I have a personal quandary.

I have long wondered if true love was something that only one person had to feel. Is it really "true" love if it is only one sided or to be "true" does it have to be reciprocated?

As a young boy my parents seperated and would later (much later) divorce. I watched my father (who cheated on my mother) have numerous relationships (much younger women) and go on to live some sort of a life (eventually remarrying and divorcing). My mother on the other hand, never seemed to get past him. She has for the most part lived a solitary life every since. It shaped an observation. That being, one person can love unconditionally and without reservation while the object of their affections may not reciprocate. As a young man this was probably one of the paramount injustices I personally could conceive (and remains so today). It has since seemed to me to be an abomination. A perversion that someone could/can feel so deeply, so completely for another and it is not "automatically" reciprocated. I wondered how there was no auto catalyst, some sort of chemical reaction that insured this greatest of gifts was received and returned in kind. I will never understand. This phenomenon (or lack of such) caused me to question God. I have watched my mother live alone, in love with someone who doesn't know or care for the last 27 years.She deserved so much more. She didn't understand this and has consequently wasted her life.

I am recently divorced after a 24 yr. relationship (19 married). I had until the last year or so, known the company of only one woman. I have measured every other woman that I have been with against her on some level or another. I don't know if I can feel that way about someone else anymore. I know that although I will probably always love her (x), she is no longer for me and that season has surely passed. I don't mourn her so much as I mourn what I had (or thought I had), something I've heard from numerous others here.

You will have to answer your own question. You will have to value yourself enough to move on and find something worthwhile. Whether this is another or just a solitary existence, don't waste your years fawning his loss. It really is his loss.

I believe that life without love and passion isn't living. Life without love and passion is existence. The two bear no resemblance. Your pain is evidence of your depth. This depth has value. It is a blessing and a curse. You do get to choose which it is.........not choosing is also a choice. Time won't necessarily heal but it does make it bearable. Move on.

--------------------
"living, learning, from my creator. you gave me life now show me how to live" c. cornell


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AtWitsEnd
newbie


Reged: 07/02/07
Posts: 35
Loc: AR
Re: So heartbroken [Re: Drew]
      #277995 - 08/20/07 08:52 AM

I just want to say to Drew:

You are so wise and have such great advice! In reading this post (and many of your other ones), although the advice was not for me and 'was' for me! I have gained useful insights from you and I just wanted you to know that! :-)


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Drew
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Reged: 07/30/07
Posts: 1017
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Re: So heartbroken [Re: AtWitsEnd]
      #278015 - 08/20/07 09:15 AM

Thank you Wits.

I guess even a blind squirrel (me) will accidentally trip over an acorn eventually!

Well wishes to you and yours.

--------------------
"living, learning, from my creator. you gave me life now show me how to live" c. cornell


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AtWitsEnd
newbie


Reged: 07/02/07
Posts: 35
Loc: AR
Re: So heartbroken [Re: Drew]
      #278027 - 08/20/07 09:39 AM

You're most welcome! What you say is so true and I have received great advice that you have given to others! Often times, I've read what you wrote and it has altered my perception of something, so I thank you for that! Also, your positivity overflows to others!!

The well wishes, on the other hand, would be only for myself!


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ChaseR
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Reged: 08/01/07
Posts: 7
Re: So heartbroken [Re: AtWitsEnd]
      #278640 - 08/21/07 02:00 PM

Ah, the heartache. The missing pieces. The memories of those pieces being a whole, and working ever so beautifully. A broken heart is a soul in a coma.

To me, there are two main issues related with being heartbroken (Experiencing that myself, typing with that tightness in the throat, the red burning eyes, salt dried tears).

First I thought about my perception: It feels like dying, like nothing is worth it, not even living. It weighs a thousand tons, it brings me down, it keeps me from being who I really am. It keeps me from breathing, pressing on my chest, choking on my throat, churning my stomach, and giving me a feeling of dispair. I study these feelings, as I realize they all correlate with other states, such as fear or panic, depression, anxiety. Maybe I am experiencing two or three of those at the same time. The good news is that the Heart actually is a muscle, incapable of thought or feeling. The 'Heart' is an emotional item, that exists in the realms of our minds. So it's good to think that though it might get hurt, it can never be permanently broken.

Second, I realized that perhaps if I did some things to counter act the symptoms, I would be better. Well, for a while all I could do (sometimes still happens, to this day) is just survive it. Each hour you survive the pain, is a small victory in your day.

Then I keep myself at bay. Ready to go. As soon as I see an opportunity, I push myself, I go out, I do projects, work, whatever may be needed, and feel complete and like a person even if just for a little while.
It is a really hard exercise, but it is yielding me good results.

The miraculous thing about Hearts, is that they heal. Let them take a glimpse at a ray of light, pamper it, spoil it. Do what you would expect others to do for you. The hardest part about this whole thing, is being there, hoping for someone to drop with the magical wand, and make us whole. There is no such thing.

Anyhow, my .02


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ELEMO2001
journeyman


Reged: 07/18/07
Posts: 82
Re: So heartbroken [Re: ChaseR]
      #278656 - 08/21/07 02:43 PM

ChaseR:

that is so sweet how you can sum it up. however i always though that i am the only one or few to feel how you are feeling. but i am glad you asked the quetion. it is like you've asked my quetions for me. you hang in there! keep praying if you do blieve in prayer that is whats working for me to survive a day at time. i'll tell you one thing i feel a whole lot better than last week or the week before. take care


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DM40
recently joined


Reged: 08/22/07
Posts: 1
Re: So heartbroken [Re: hurtinKS]
      #279259 - 08/22/07 03:02 PM

hurtinKS,

You already know there is no quick fix. Healing is going to take time. May I suggest you seek out someone who you can unload to and who can provide an outside view to help you put things into perspective. I'm from CA, so I have a therapist :-), and I highly recommend it, altho clergy or close friends and family can also work.


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