RedskinFan
enthusiast
Reged: 01/23/06
Posts: 240
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When SD7 comes over 50% of the time there is a screaming tantrum involved. BM has to take her to the door, and almost force her into dad’s house. BM is frustrated with her, DH doesn’t put up with it and he sends her to her room until she is finished crying, then she can come downstairs. Within 3-5 minutes, she is downstairs and as happy as can be, like nothing ever happened.
I will tell you she is a 100% mama’s girl. The 2 boys (5, 3) rarely give us trouble, and I am concerned that they are seeing her act this way and think it’s OK. To me, it is unacceptable that a 7 year old would throw this type of fit.
DH has asked her why she is so upset and her answer is always ‘I want to stay with mommy’. Only 2 occasions in the past has she been allowed to stay with BM, and that was because she was sick and DH and BM agreed that was best. So, I don’t think it’s a situation where she thinks she can get her way.
Does anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with this? It’s not like she doesn’t have fun at our house. She’s got friends in the neighborhood, we play games, I know she enjoys her time at her dads. But, if she had her way, she would always be with mom. Should DH take her to a counselor? Any books you can suggest with advice? Anything?
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
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Temper tantrums are just that, tantrums. At age 3, yes I can see that, but by 7, wow...seems a little old for a screaming fit.
Counseling for tantrums? Boy what a long line at the counselor's door that would be!
In my experience, the best way to handle a tantrum is to ignore it. Once she stops getting the attention for the tantrum, she won't feel the need to have one. my mom told me that one time as a child I had a tantrum in the grocery store. I was on the floor screaming, so she sat down on the floor too, screaming. I don't remember this, but my mom says I stood up and got quiet and didn't have another tantrum. Maybe DH should have a tantrum when she comes.
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RedskinFan
enthusiast
Reged: 01/23/06
Posts: 240
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HAHAHAHAH!!!! I'll need to make sure I have my camera ready for that one! 
I don't know if there is something serious behind the fits or not. I don't want to ignore them if that's the case. BM has mentioned she has outbursts at her house and she doesn't know why. BM mentioned a therapist around March, but I haven't heard anything since...and it's not because DH doesn't ask. I just don't know where to draw the line between her acting like a brat and there being a major issue we could help her with.
I LOVE your suggestion though!!!
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asurvivor
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/14/05
Posts: 3410
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When my SS acted like that it was because BM had promised him a fricken McFlurry if he stayed home! BM would stand there and look at DH and call him names in front of child saying "I'm not making him do anything" so DH WALKED right in BM's house and scooped up SS from the floor and walked OUT. Brought him to the car and we took off....asked him what's up and he said Mommy said I could get a McFlurry. SS was about 4 or 5. DH talked to him and he NEVER acted like that again.
Could it be BM putting guilty feelings in the child? Intentional or Non-intentional?
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RedskinFan
enthusiast
Reged: 01/23/06
Posts: 240
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I wouldn't doubt that one bit. On the rare occasions that we allow her to call when we have the kids, she makes promises to them, and they often get upset. The last time, she told the kids that she couldn't wait until they got home, because she had a special surprise for them. They got all excited, and couldn't WAIT to leave. That makes for a very long weekend for us, when 3 kids are whining, when can we go back to mommys? Know what the surprise was??? She moved the couch! ARGGGG
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9815
Loc: Arkansas
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At age 7, there should be no tantrums. I suggest a spanking - that'll stop her real quick! That is too old for that kind of nonsense.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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JustMeAndThree
old hand
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 993
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Quote:
At age 7, there should be no tantrums. I suggest a spanking - that'll stop her real quick! That is too old for that kind of nonsense.
---> unless of course the child is like my bullheaded DD4 who smuggly turns around laughs and says "THAT didn't hurt" to which she gets ANOTHER round that USUALLY ends up with a crying fit...but occasionally another "THAT didn't hurt EITHER"
Gotta love kids
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Slap yourself, that wasn't funny.
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Rocko
journeyman
Reged: 10/10/06
Posts: 94
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I am having the same problem with my 5 year old son. When it is time to pick him up from his moms, he starts whining and saying he doesn't want to go. He wants to stay and play with his step daughters. He starts kicking and screaming as I put him in the car. Un-buckling his seatbelt, hitting, etc. During this spanking, etc. has no effect. After the fit which can last 5-15 minutes, he falls asleep and when he wakes up he is the best kid. He says he didnt kick or scream and is remorseful. The mother says he only acts that way with me, which is not true. When he doesn't get his way he does this with grandparents, etc. Happens about 2-3 times a month.
His pediatrician said I should take him to see a therapist. I don't know what to do.
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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Let's see you want to stop the child from hitting and kicking so you hit and spank??
Sorry, but I don't believe in corporal punishment at all; so I have never seen the sense in it..
I would suggest having the exchange in a neutral location; like a park.
Your ex can leave and your son can have his little meltdown safely..
When it is over; you can continue on your way..
PS: It is developmental normal for 5yr olds to have separation anxiety and tantrums when they don't get their way. This whole divorce thing is new to him, also..
Once, he sees that he can't engage you and that the tantrum has no power over you.. He will stop.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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CaptainJim
enthusiast
Reged: 01/15/05
Posts: 378
Loc: FLORIDA
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I never had to spake my son. Maybe I was just lucky but I think PR is right...how can you expect to teach someone not to hit by hitting them?
You're older and smarter. Act like it. Have something fun to do when you're picking him up. You won't have to do it everytime. Just long enough to build a habit to replace the bad habit.
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Single dad who won custody
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