Lotsoflight
member
Reged: 07/02/07
Posts: 105
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I'm at a loss. My just turned 14 yr old does not want to see her father. We seperated a few months ago (he left) and the divorce is not quite final yet. She's angry that he left, his apartment is small and not "home", she's bored over there, there's no bed or bedroom for her or her brother, etc. She doesn't want to go to see him EOW. I've been encouraging that things will get better, it'll be ok, try to point out the good things, etc but she's not buying any of it.
I continue to make her go but she's just pulling away from both of us. I'm not sure what to do. She told him she doesn't want to go and he says he think she should have to.
I'm just not sure how to improve the situation.
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"When all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do."
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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Have any of you been in counseling yet?
14yr old teenage girls have a hard enough time dealing with being 14yr old teenage girls, let alone dealing with their parents splitting up. Counseling might help her get her frustrations out - maybe even help her see he didn't leave *her*, he left the marriage.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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I agree with the counseling. She needs someone to talk to and she's mad at both of you right now. I agree with your x that she needs to go over there, but she needs to figure out how to voice her thoughts too.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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JustMeAndThree
old hand
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 993
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I agree with Debi and Renee, however I think the Father needs to make more of an effort to make her (and her brother) more comfortable at this place. Even with a small apartment he can get SOMETHING that the two of them can call their "own" beds...even if it's just two loveseats that pull out into beds. Yes, she should have to go, but he should be doing more to encourage her to WANT to go.
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Slap yourself, that wasn't funny.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
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Good point JM&T. Maybe Dad can help encourage the time spent together too.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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I think when you say " he left " what you mean is living with you was pure hell, so being in a rotten apartment is still better.
Isn't that how you will get the majority of the money, now ? Funny how that works...
Oh, no, you couldn't be that way...I'm sure you'll refuse to cash the checks...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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1004SRS
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
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Every so often, y, you show some compassion and insight that makes me think you aren't as awful as what you write.
I like you more when you do that than when you are nasty.
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freedom123
addict
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 528
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Ummm...this relates to her post in WHAT way exactly? C'mon, yrenga, chill out on the money issues. We're all sorry your x screwed you over in that way...but I'm starting to wonder if she doesn't deserve every penny and then some after living/dealing with you as a husband.
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freedom123
addict
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 528
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She's dealing with a loss...almost like a death. She definitely needs counselling to help her deal with her anger and feelings of loss. Remind her about how much you and her dad love HER (I'm sure you do that already). I agree that she maybe needs her own "space" in the apartment even if it's a small one...at 14 she also needs a bit of privacy...maybe a curtained off area.
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Lotsoflight
member
Reged: 07/02/07
Posts: 105
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[quote]I think when you say " he left " what you mean is living with you was pure hell, so being in a rotten apartment is still better.
Isn't that how you will get the majority of the money, now ? Funny how that works...
Oh, no, you couldn't be that way...I'm sure you'll refuse to cash the checks... [/quote]
You may be right Y if it wasn't for the fact that he hasn't given me a single cent. :shocked:
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"When all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do."
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Lotsoflight
member
Reged: 07/02/07
Posts: 105
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UPDATE:
The situation resolved itself, he moved out of state.
She has been in counseling since he announced his departure and continues to do so, even if just to discuss typical teenage issues.
Thanks for the thoughtful responses.
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"When all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do."
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