jamstwins
recently joined
Reged: 12/02/04
Posts: 11
Loc: The Poconos, PA
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I live in Monroe Cty PA (The Poconos). Ive been divorced 2yrs, but I separated when my boys were 3mos old (twins). Theyre going to be 5yrs old in 2 wks. My ex & I have shared legal custody, but I am the custodial parent. I always have my kids. Just recently hes been taking the boys for 2 Sat & Sun overnights amonth & every Wed overnight. He filed that he wants the custody agreement to be changed. The original agreement states he has them the 1st, 2nd, & 4th Sat of the month from 12-4pm & every Wed from 4-8pm. He claims he just wants it updated. I dont trust him. I work 30 miles from my County border in NJ and want to move 26 miles from the County border. I havent brought up moving to him in over a yr b/c I know hes against it. I told him Im not stopping him from seeing them and we could work out something as far as dropping them off & picking them up in the past, but hes against it. This job is paying me 40k compared to the $9/hr I usually make in PA. In PA my boys miss the cutoff for kindergarten by 2 weeks. In NJ they make the cutoff. Daycare agrees with me that the boys are ready for school. Another yr in Daycare will bore them. My attorney said I could try to move & he will try to straighten out the mess, but he cant guarrantee it. He said I will be in violation of my court order. My court order is my custody agreement. I didnt know when you file for custody through the courts, that its considered a court order. My first 2 attorney didnt advise me well and this is my 3rd attorney & I sometimes wonder. No where in the court order does it say I cant move or in my divorce papers. My attorney says its a KNOWN LAW. WTF is that??? I like to see things in writing. Does anyone have advice to help me win? Im alone in PA, my family all lives in NY. I just want to provide a good life and environment for my boys and be closer to my job and get them in school. Nobody says he cant be their father anymore (even though I wish he wasnt). Its funny when they were 3 mos old he wanted to sign ove his rights, I begged him not to. For 2 yrs he barely saw them. Now that I took care of all the hard work and they are older he wants them to be his playmate.
Please help
Alone & Desparate in PA
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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So you only want to move 26 miles??
Also most states do have specific move away laws written into statutes. That is common.
So when you went to court for divorce and custody issues you did not think that the end would result in a court order? What did you think it was? If you agreed to the term
then basically the issue was "uncontested", if you did not agree then th issue would have been "contested". Regardless it is a done deal.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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jamstwins
recently joined
Reged: 12/02/04
Posts: 11
Loc: The Poconos, PA
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When I went to court on both issues, all attorney's that I had knew I wanted to move. Nothing was brought up or put in writing that I couldnt move. I trusted in my attorneys knowledge to guide me the right way. Im still learning these "laws". I just wish I knew what I knew now, then.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Well how far exactly do you want to move?
Even though we pay thousands of dollar to attornies, it is still up to us to read and go thru everything before signing. I actually hired another attorney just to read over the documents before I sign them.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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jamstwins
recently joined
Reged: 12/02/04
Posts: 11
Loc: The Poconos, PA
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Orig back to NY (100 miles), but I will be happy to live by my job which is 30 miles. Where can I find out information on the net about the Statites in PA (Monroe County)
I appreciate what youre telling me
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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According to your state statutes, you only have to ask the Commonwealth for permission to move if you are removing a child from the state. Is there any possibility that you can just move closer to the edge of PA, rather than leave the state?
You can find the statute here:
http://members.aol.com/StatutesP2/23.Cp.53A.html
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jamstwins
recently joined
Reged: 12/02/04
Posts: 11
Loc: The Poconos, PA
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I could move anywhere in the County, but I dont want to live in PA. I figured if I moved to NJ, Im closer to where my siblings and other relatives live. Where I can get the help I need. My ex was very controlling & now that we are/or have been divorce he still tries to be controlling. I asked my sons politely that if I was to move to NJ, would they want to live with daddy during the week and see me on the weekends...they flat out said NO! I just want to see their way of thinking. I dont want to give up my kids, and I dont intend to, but I am trying to provide a better, healthier life for the 3 of us. With prices of gas increasing, who wants to commute? I also hate getting up at 5am and dragging them to daycare at 6:30am so I could avoid traffice to start work at 8am. I dont thing its fair to them. I found a place 6miles from my workplace I would like to move to. If I move there, then I could also have more time spent with them rather than commuting on the road.
Thanks for the link
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Cinder2
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4361
Loc: Southern California
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Dear Jams,
If you only move 30 miles, I don't see a problem. Dad is getting two weekends and four weekdays a month and that could still be facilitated with a 30 mile drive. In California, the courts only have a problem with moving if the parenting time is going to be altered. As long as he still see the boys the same amount of time, you have some good reasons for moving. Keep in mind that you will probably bear the burden of transporting them the 30 miles to dad's house.
Maybe you should offer him a trade: you'll update the court order to reflect the custody agreement that he wants if he'll allow you to move. Offer to drive the boys to him on his weekends. You'll save yourself a lot of money and time if you can get this done outside of court.
Cinder
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jamstwins
recently joined
Reged: 12/02/04
Posts: 11
Loc: The Poconos, PA
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I appreciate the advice. But to update the court order doesnt it have to go through the courts??? Im just afraid that if he says yes ourtside of court and I move hes the type to renegage on me and say I took off. I just dont want to get in trouble. I offered numerous times to bring them to him, but I feel theyre his kids too and he should be accomodating as well
janine
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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If you move farther from dad, you bear the brunt of the additional transportation costs. That's pretty standard.
If you move out of the state, you have to seek legal permission. Such a move involves more than just transportation and parenting time issues. Now you'd be looking at a whole change in jurisdiction...and all the issues that arise from that.
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Cinder2
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4361
Loc: Southern California
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It does have to go "through" the courts, but you are allowed to mutually decide things without having a judge tell you what to do. Decide what it is that you want the order to say. Be specific. If you know how, fill out all the forms and both of you should sign them in the presence of a notary. Submit the forms to the courts and they will create your new court order for you and mail it to you in a couple of weeks. If you feel unsure about the formats, hire a paralegal to write it for you and it will only cost maybe $200 dollars.
There are a lot of people on these boards with a lot of court orders in our pasts...  You can post any sample you want on here and we can advise you if there are any dangerous loopholes left open.
Cinder
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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That's not true in many locations. You have to have permission from the courts to remove a child from their jurisdiction. It's not simply a matter between parents.
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Cinder2
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4361
Loc: Southern California
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Yes, but if both parents agree, why would the court care?
Cinder
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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It's the law. I didn't write it...lol.
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jamstwins
recently joined
Reged: 12/02/04
Posts: 11
Loc: The Poconos, PA
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Thank you to the both of you ~*smiles*~
I have a conference hearing at the courthouse on Sept 21st (the day after their 5th birthday). He told me I didnt need my attorney. I am still bringing mine. Hopefully we could come to some agreement otherwise it will probably go before a judge. I dont want my poor sons to go through this till their 18 yrs old, nor do I want to live here for another 13 yrs. Im 33 yrs old and I want to find happiness before 46 yrs of age LOL. When do the courts listen to the children??? At what age???
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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In PA, the wishes of a child are heard at about 12 years of age, depending upon the maturity of the child in question.
I would refrain from speaking to the children about anything. That's a horrible position for a child.
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jamstwins
recently joined
Reged: 12/02/04
Posts: 11
Loc: The Poconos, PA
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I know that. I try to make sure that the children understand that we both love them. Him and I dont argue in front of the kids. We dont even really discuss much, unless it pertains to them. If we do have an indifference we dont involve them. I just wish he was more open minded...and just lets go of the past. Hes the one that hurt me, I didnt hurt him...and I learn to live on
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MaryWhoCares
old hand
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 983
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What is a few miles? I have family in MI but they work and shop in OH....a 5-10 minute drive is nothing to avoid problems.
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Mary
When life hands you lemons, you make lemonaide!
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MaryWhoCares
old hand
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 983
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You can do a mediation agreement and the judge merely signs it....
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Mary
When life hands you lemons, you make lemonaide!
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insoluble1708
recently joined
Reged: 11/08/05
Posts: 11
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god just go for 26 miles. This whole thing on CP is riduculous. Its in your best interest and your childs. My ex was ordered to pay 122 a week in CS now this week he is leaving the state. What gives him the right to move away but not the mother. Dig deep you will find answers. You are supporting your children $$4 and emotionally, he is a part time dad in my eyes. I am going to open my own coalition on parenting. What gives the man the right to treat parenting as credit card debt. Pay your bill and see the balance go down. NO!!!! we get stuck with the luggage of interest. By the time he gets you in court and all is said and done ten years will pass. You are doing for you and your kids. He should accept you are there for their well being. Where is he. PAYING HIS CS>>> not helping you adjust to being a mother fulltime. YOU MOVE GIRL!!! I am going to do it whether they tell me no or not. I am here fulltime for my kid I am going to whats in best interest for me and her. Dont let any judge tell me I am doing wrong. Its a dog eat dog world
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