Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Helping a "spouse" get an ID card against the will of the military member who is ultimately responsible for EVERYTHING she chooses to do with it - does NOTHING for military readiness. And that is why no one gives a sh!t if it gets done yesterday. Especially when the spouse in question wants a frickin divorce.
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Thank you.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26700
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What? I don't even know what you are trying to say. There are war time duties and peace time duties/ state side duties. I don't control who has to cut a ribbon-and I think I have seen that twice in 15 years one being at BAMC. I really don't understand why you are so angry at senior leadership.
No one is angry at the senior leadership, but what does a war going on have to do with getting a dependent an ID card that she is entitled to? Are you saying she should not get one? Are you deciding which dependents are worthy of attention and which are not? You said there is a war going on like how dare a dependent take up valuable time when there is a war going on. Isn't taking care of the family a wartime duty and a peacetime duty. I can't speak for the Air Force, but I know in the Army, there is a Chain of Command appointed to take care of these things during deployment. The reason for that is that the family is such a huge part of readiness. Again this whole thing smells bad, but leaders do not get to pick and choose the family members they want to help, they help them all. I just do not judge her motives, and nor do I care if she was married a day or 20 years. I wouldn't and don't like it, but my likes, and yours as well do not make the difference.
"First - I don't understand why she needs an ID when she wants a divorce. Either you are divorcing him or not."
So only if you need one, should your request get any attention, authorized has nothing to do with it. Sorry maam, I understand your authorized an ID card, but since you don't need one, your not getting one. Again not a gray area, not something that needs to be questioned.
My husband is now at Ft. Rucker in Alabama training so he can leave on his second tour to Iraq in January. I'll be sure let him and his comrades know that he is good enough to get shot at and to dodge insurgent attempts to shoot him down, but by golly if a dependent calls and he does not get her an ID card he should be relieved of his position due to incompentency. Redlegg, the more I think about what you said the more furious I get. Especially as a veteran.
If a leader can't or won't discharge his duties a leader, then you tell me if you want them in that position. One of the hardest things going on right now is retaining people in the military. How the chain of Command responds to issues like this is one of the things that affects retention. You can't associate this situation with your husband, there is no doubt in my mind that your husband would have had this handled in no time, not like what she is saying the people she is dealing with are doing. Your husband has always sounded like he would do the right thing. I hope he never has to deal with distractions like these.
Bottom line is that both of these people are a detriment to the military, but they are none the less a part of it and should be treated as any other member and spouse, they should get exactly what they deserve. people like this are a burden to leadership and one ID card may not impact readiness, but this falls within the family issues and makes up a part of the whole.
"Today - at the weekly social - I'll be sure to remind everyone that even though this type of event brings normalcy to extremely stressed out people (because of that pesky war) its inappropriate in light of it."
Don't forget to ask them what do if a dependent wants and Id card but her sponsor won't cooperate. Unless of course you let them know that she does not really need one.
She is entitled, thats all that counts, if she can not get help at the local command level, kick it up, and keep kicking it up until what is supposed to happens, happens.
Again, I have continually said she should exhaust all the military channels, CofC, IG, JAG and if that doesn't work, certainly a member of congress. Normally when you ask why someone wants something, its to frame a reference on how to guide or help them, but this time it just seems as if she was judged not worthy and should not pursue it and that is the wrong answer. if I was in this guys chain, i would have had a foot up his backside for the distraction and he would have gone down there ASAP and handled his business so everyone can could get back to the primary focus.
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Renee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
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You skipped over one point though - her Mother took her to get her card. I guess she couldn't figure out how to get the insurance card without mom's help?
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I AM saying she should not get one. If she is planning a divorce after 3 months of marriage she has no need of one.
His command is not going to ream him for not getting her an ID if she hasn't even bothered to relocate to his area. What does she expect him to do 3 states away?
And yes, ribbon cutting and other social events are beneficial to the morale of the troops during wartime so leadership DOES find the time to do them. Helping a woman get an ID [good for 4 years] for the 6 months between filing and divorce against the will of the person responsible for it and then expecting someone to retrieve it - is not at all beneficial to the morale of the military and creates unnecessary work for people who have better things to do [like shorten my wait time in getting my ID]. So leadership DOES have a hard time finding time (or caring) to do that.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26700
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Amazingly enough the DOD disagrees with you, they really don't care how long someone has been married, much like they gave the service member the higher rate of BAH because he was married, she gets an ID card because she is married to the service member. Its not an opinion type case, its not a what I want to do case, she is entitled. Three states makes a difference in no way, I am guessing the person moving to vegas from FT. Sill won't need one either. I am not sure if it is some kind of eliteness that makes you think she should not have one, or you should wait less because your more important in some way, or is it just the real spouses that count. Its an entitlement, its cut and dried, when your married your entitled, when your not, your not entitled. There is not much difference in you saying she doesn't need one, and me telling some mother she doesn't need CS because her child is not starving. Its not up to you, me or anyone as an individual to decide who should and should not have one. Much like a part of the social events, getting a spouse one might not like an ID Card is just as much a part of military life. You take the good with the bad. No one likes the BS, but it doesn't go away because no one likes it. The will of the service member, when you start allowing the will of the service member dictate who gets what entitlements, trust me you will have alot of single servicemembers living in government housing because they decided they no longer want their spouses there. People are forced to call JAG, the IG and congressmen because somewhere down the line someone takes it upon themselves to decide what someone should or should not have. What does it take to get an entitled spouse an ID card, well if we don't like her, it may have to take an act of congress. As long as we like her we will do it immediately. Do you really wonder why family members call congress? Yeah the whole deal stinks, and there is probably more going on than we know, but at the end of the day she is entitled and based on that alone, she should get the same treatment as anyone else would, no more, no less.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Well I have the choice whether to tell her to call her congressman or get on with her life and don't worry about something she doesn't need. And frankly - I still think his command and any congressman is going to wonder how she expects him to get her an ID when she hasn't left home to live with him yet - especially since according to her he changed his tune and wants her there. They hear this BS on a DAILY basis. If it doesn't pass the sniff test they aren't interested in helping - and I seen no purpose in telling someone to waste their time.
And maybe it is my husband's community (submarines) but I see alot more predatory wives who use the system to keep their husbands hostage or unemployed than I do men trying to screw their wives out of entitlements. So I do worry about protecting servicemembers rather than a spouse who may or may not be telling the truth. But I have to wonder when her Q doesn't make sense e.g. "I want a divorce he is such a beast, but in the mean time how do I get my spouse ID?"
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26700
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If this guy who married her just to get the BAH would just have done what he should have in the first place, get her what she needs/wants/entitled to, and maybe he did and we are hearing just her side, he would not have any issues. He allowed himself to be put in a position by his inaction. If he had done it, there was nothing she could have done. There are many times when the chain of command can tell a spouse to pound sand, and they should, but the service member needs to have his ducks in a row and this one may not. No matter how predatory they are, if the servicemember is meeting the requirements, there is nothing a predator can do. The best way a servicemember can protect himself in this case is to get her what she is entitled to, to do his part, then there are no questions. Even in a divorce, a judge cannot tell a spouse if she is entitled to ID cards or any other benefits because they are administered by the DOD. If this guy had given her the 1172, paid whatever support is required by the service, then everyone could tell her to pound sand, but when the question gets asked, did he meet the requirements, and someone has to say no, She didn't deserve it is not gonna cut it. No matter how much it stinks, as a service member or a leader, you never let yourself get in that position, and you do it by following the regulations. This guy is no prize, and she is probably no better, but that fact will not excuse anyone from deciding who gets what, and its not even close to the price someone may have to pay. I agree this one does not pass the sniff test.
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marie21
recently joined
Reged: 11/14/07
Posts: 4
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My Dad work with jag and by law he has to support you and get you an id if he keeps doing the things he is the militry will kick him out you should go to his command all the way up the chain or the base comd of the base he is at and tell them whats going on.. the militry is vary big on family the littlst thing wrong and they freak..and you can get an id without him i belive by going to the base near you and showing them your ML as prof, and put yourself in deers.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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and you can get an id without him i belive by going to the base near you and showing them your ML as prof, and put yourself in deers.
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NOT. You need the sponsor or a power of attorney.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26700
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Her Dad works for JAG and yet from her other post........
I want a divorce my h he navy we'v been married only 10 month and i just can take it he's a drunk. And has gottin truble to the point were the navy was going to kick him out but he lied to them and got away with it yet again.and ther in hardly enough money to put food on the table with him spending it all on him self. i have 2 kids my son is mine and our lil girl together and i'm 21 we'er in Fl.i've left before our lil girl was born stayed with family for 6 weeks and it was ok at first when i got home but its only gotten worse and as i fear i belive he's cheating on me as well. my H and his family think its 1955 and the wife shouldnt work so i've been outa work for a year now and i dont have the money to get my kids into daycare or even file for a divorce what are the laws in fl???? and yet even that he's in calie for schooling.and i'm planing on leaving fl go to to Ma to stay with my son's dad and family who as oferd to help me till i can get on my feet. what do i need to do to get this divorce done asap????and can i file in ma or do i have to file in fl?and i fear is parnets might take my lil girl even tho they dont think she's his and they wish death on her life before she was even born and they treat my 3 year old like sh!t can i get an r.o against them? and once i file do i have to move outa of vase housing?
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