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Jewelsy
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Need advice Im so lost
      #32965 - 09/21/05 04:57 PM

hello readers.. First of all thanks for taking the time to read this... I am 35 years old have been in the same relationship for 2 years... he is a Cheif in the United States Navy... I got pregnant ( twins ) and he was standing by my side seemed to be so happy and excited.. I did however notice he didnt go to appts ect but always had a work excuse... The weekend I was being educed.. weekend of Sept 6th... He knew all about it ( we didnt live together) We spoke he said he was excited, he loved me... and could'nt wait.. that same week ( weekend of birth) he vanished... took off and went to visit his other two children from his previous marriage in virginia.. ( i only know because someone slipped and told me.. they thought I knew) He never told me when we spoke he was leaving.. he just took off and went... I went to his home on that friday for dinner as planned and he was gone.... ( sunday I gave birth) I called him over and over on his cell with no return phone calls..... no phone calls whatsoever.. I called while in labor and also after I had his two children... Upon his return when I asked him where he was he said " out of town" and left it at that.. He was mad at me because I was upset he wasnt there for childrens birth.. the entire time he was in the hospital... he never once came to see us... today is September 21st and he has yet to even see his children... I tried two weekends in a row... no calls nothing.. despite him saying yes.. I went to his home alone to find out what was going on and he ended us for no reason... One of his sons has some lung issues and he has barely even called.. and when he does he tells me to lose my attitude and if i dont he hangs up... I asked him this morning after he screamed at me for being angry if he even wanted to see his children.. his answer " when I am available" Love has turned into pure hate.. children are not a convienence... he wasnt even there to sign birth certificate it has nothing...... I dont know what to do... he takes the time to visit and call his other two children daily ages 5 and 7.. yet ignores my calls... I dont want him in their life with his attitude and the stunts hhe has pulled.. Am I wrong to feel this way? I mean he wasnt even their for the birth and has called maybe twice... I just dont understand.. I feel like a horrible person because i looked into his computer.. and he has been in [censored] sites... talking and caming with [censored] females...yet he has no time for his family and new children... What should I do... Thank you for listening

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almostheaven
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Re: Need advice Im so lost [Re: Jewelsy]
      #33005 - 09/21/05 06:56 PM

I think you've pretty much done all you can. You can't make him want to be with you or the kids if he doesn't want to be.

However, you CAN make him be responsible for his kids. To do that, you need to file for CS a.s.a.p. Because it may take awhile to get it ordered and have the payments start. He will be granted visitation rights, but again, if he doesn't use them, you won't be able to force him to do so. Since you can show he hasn't been there since the birth and is taking no interest, he will most likely be treated as an NCP with every other weekend visits.

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Blah
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Typical [Re: almostheaven]
      #33299 - 09/23/05 08:38 AM

Whineing female. What did you do to drive this poor man away? There must have been something. Just bringing the MAN'S perspective to the womyn's forum. Oh yes, I was invited by sisters Tabitha, Karen, and Loretta. Have a nice cry girlies! Sniff, Sniff. Tee Hee!

Blah

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Jewelsy
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Re: Typical [Re: Blah]
      #33323 - 09/23/05 10:32 AM

Sorry to inform you that some men and woman dont need reason to walk out.. Except their own selfish ones.. I was the income, i was the one who purchased new vehicle ( 2 ) for him.. I PAID for him to get custody of his children..I paid his other car off.. I paid all his bills off any debt he had...

Whine? I think not..I gave birth to his sons.. alone... I have not even seeked CS or any lawyers yet..

I'm going to stop even responding to your hateful and uneducated response..

We are woman not womyn


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Blah
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Re: Typical [Re: Jewelsy]
      #33327 - 09/23/05 10:47 AM

Just thought I'd give you a little Man's perspective as your sisters are so fond of doing over on the MEN'S RIGHTS forum. Their advice is as idiotic as the advice I just gave you! Bye for now!

Blah

Not afraid to speak the truth!


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almostheaven
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Re: Typical [Re: Blah]
      #33339 - 09/23/05 11:29 AM

"Not afraid to speak the truth!"

That isn't entirely accurate, since you choose to do it anonymously, in a forum specifically designed for women. It makes you appear to be a little man with little motives lashing out from behind anonymity because real life is not fullfilling for you. Truly sad and pathetic really.

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Rebecca5
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Re: Typical [Re: Blah]
      #33391 - 09/23/05 09:06 PM

Is that a little like being cranky that someone pissed in your sandbox, so you have to do it back? How effective.

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overtherainbow
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Re: Need Advice [Re: Rebecca5]
      #33468 - 09/25/05 12:24 AM

Um. I don't mean to be mean but just to inject a little reality. Since you were not married why in heavens did you get pregnant? Why did you expect him to support you. What's done is done and you are single mother with twins. I don't know about paternity and child support laws in your state and I suppose you could do that but at the end of the day you are responsible for those children. I hope you have relatives nearby to assist you. That man is gone.

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Rebecca5
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Re: Need Advice [Re: overtherainbow]
      #33487 - 09/25/05 02:42 PM

The obvious answer being something along the lines of.....First there's a sperm, and it meets up with an egg.......

It's not an uncommon happening...really.

I highly doubt that if she *knew* he was going to freak out and take off, she might have reconsidered even having intercourse with this man...let alone children. I think the same argument applies to the "support you" question. Apparently, she had some kind of impression that he was invested in their relationship and wished to participate in a long-term situation, no?

IMO, of the two options, she's better off not married to this dirtbag. She doesn't lose anything and gains two beautiful babies. That's something that women the world-over would beg, borrow and steal for. If he financially and/or emotionally decides to come around...then I would still tread very lightly and keep him at arm's length.

In the meantime, she's taking care of business.


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Jewelsy
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Re: Need Advice [Re: Rebecca5]
      #33499 - 09/25/05 07:54 PM

Im sure there were things I did not see... And yes it hurts drastically.. but , I dont call anymre nor will I beg, nor do I want a father in my childs life who says " Ill let u knoow whne im available" to meet his own kids.. They were born on 6th and he has not even seen them.. Which tells me he does'nt care.. I know in my heart now after the crying, hurt and uncertantity of why this happened.... He is just a self centered mouse and not a real man.
I am very emotionally stable ( even though i had my moment there of pure sadness and confusuion) i have a great career.. and Ilove my children with all that I am..
I know i can make it on my own.. i think it was more hurt when I wrote this.. I was confused looking for answers, I will probably never get.. And to be honest... him running.. and him not calling makes me understand it happened for the best.. I will stick by my children always... I am dissapointed in him as a man and as a father.. i rather be alone and watch my children grow into beautiful adults.. rather then have someone who can run away so easily... Im sure in time it will be easier and the pain will heal..

I thank you all for being there for me..


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Blah
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Congratulations, you've grasped it! [Re: almostheaven]
      #33523 - 09/26/05 08:02 AM

My point exactly. Little girls with little motives lashing out from behind anonymity because real life is not fulfilling for them. Truly sad and pathetic really! It's just an illustration of the kind of welcome I expected while visiting the womyns rights forum. Why the girlies who try to give advice to hurting men on the MEN'S RIGHTS board are then surprised by the reaction to them is beyond me. I am no less anonymous than anyone else here. It's a pretty picture but how do we know that it is actually you? Answer: we don't and never will.

Blah

I calls 'em like I sees 'em!


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almostheaven
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So then, you're just like the girls... [Re: Blah]
      #33561 - 09/26/05 01:56 PM

who choose to post at men's issues boards. A troll?

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almostheaven
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Jewelsy... [Re: Jewelsy]
      #33562 - 09/26/05 01:59 PM

Would you mind sending me your email addy to CFox@techtrek.com? Someone else would like me to pass it on to them so they can talk to you privately because your stories are so similar.

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Miranda
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Re: So then, you're just like the girls... [Re: almostheaven]
      #33584 - 09/26/05 04:30 PM

No Tabitha started it off and now it is just a free for all over there.

I feel bad for the original poster who came for advice and now his thread has been completely hijacked.

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almostheaven
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Re: So then, you're just like the girls... [Re: Miranda]
      #33594 - 09/26/05 07:23 PM

It's just as bad if Tabitha started in on a men's thread over there and derailed the original conversation as it is with what Blah is doing over here. It's trolling and it's totally unnecessary to throw threads off like that.

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Dee78
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I don't think she was trolling. [Re: almostheaven]
      #33619 - 09/27/05 06:22 AM

She offered advice, just advice the men didn't want to hear so gr8 and blah started in on her.

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Blah
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Re: I don't think she was trolling. [Re: Dee78]
      #33632 - 09/27/05 08:01 AM

Of course she was trolling! Her advice to Brian99 was of no more help or interest on the Men's Rights forum than was my interjection to poor Jewelsey. After Tabitha, we had Karen 1, Loretta, and you, Dee, piling on myself and gr8Dad for calling her out on it. I was trying to illustrate the point that your points of view have no, zero, nada, value on the Men's Rights Forum. Just as I suspected, when I visited this forum, I was called out on it by Char Fox. As I said on the other forum, you certainly have the right to post there but you don't seem to have the sense NOT to post there. Your opinions have no more merit there than mine do here. Read and learn about men and then discuss it here. No on there is interested in the female perspective. If we need it, we'll ask our Moms and Sisters not our ex wives who reside here. Is that so hard to understand? Sheesh!

Blah

I calls 'em like I sees 'em!


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Miranda
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Well sort of... [Re: Dee78]
      #33636 - 09/27/05 08:19 AM

[quote]She offered advice, just advice the men didn't want to hear so gr8 and blah started in on her. [/quote]

Gr8dad did not agree which is his right to do, and then he is just "not educated enough" or his responses are "too simplistic" and before you know it people can't spell so therefore their opinion is moot. And now it is just out of control with the insults and brian is getting no help from this board.

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13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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Dee78
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Oh I agree [Re: Miranda]
      #33639 - 09/27/05 08:35 AM

Those comments didn't start until after Blah made his chauvenistic remarks. Blah NEVER offered one piece of advice to the poster, he is the reason the thread got hijacked, not Tabitha.

IMO, we may not like to hear what the "other side" has to say but I do believe that it can be more helpful that the pats on the back. Maybe the "men's rights" board isn't the place for it, but if the only place they post is there, then they won't hear other views.

If Blah or Gr8 wants to come over here and give advice from the male POV, then it would benefit the women here. But I think that there are women here that give that POV, it isn't all about hugs and pats on the back and man bashing.


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Jewelsy
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Re: Oh I agree [Re: Dee78]
      #33642 - 09/27/05 09:03 AM

Im so glad my asking of advice and needing a shoulder to lean on...caused such a chaos...

Maybe my post was'nt as important as some, seeing I was not married... I just thought this could be the place to come for advice, or words of encouragement..


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almostheaven
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Re: I don't think she was trolling. [Re: Dee78]
      #33643 - 09/27/05 09:05 AM

I don't know. I don't read over there. I figure men's issues have nothing more to do with me than women's issues have to do with the idiot we now have posting over here.

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almostheaven
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LOL... [Re: Jewelsy]
      #33644 - 09/27/05 09:07 AM

It's not your post that did it. It's the people who chose to respond and the attacks some choose to make. That goes on on any board, whether or not you post anything important or not. And everyone's post is important to them.

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Blah
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Good Advice to a man? [Re: almostheaven]
      #33655 - 09/27/05 09:35 AM

Here is Tabitha's "Advice" that "we didn't want to hear" as interpreted by Gr8Dad:

She advised that he:

1. Quit his business, and move to CT, where he will have to find a job, therefore reducing child support and actually causing arrears while he looks for work.

2. STOPPING the only contact he has with the child now (phone), so as not to "nag" Mom

3. To "understand" that Mom's failure to follow the court order is actually HIS fault, for not being there.

Yeah, GREAT advice.
Gr8Dad

Nonsense, it was Tabitha's "Gr8 Advice" that was the problem. No one cares about your "Advice". It is clearly not a forum about "pats on the back". It IS a forum FOR AND ABOUT MEN. We appreciate your "concern", but we don't want or need your advice. I don't want to post here and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why any of y'all want or feel the need to interject your "advice or opinions" over there, where they are NOT appreciated or needed. Can't you get it? It is about respecting the fact that it is a forum for MEN. I respect that this is a forum for women. I only came here to illustrate my point. How many men post here? most likely, very few, but we have lots of girls sticking their noses in our business over there. What's the deal? Why the compulsion to go to the Boys Club and stir up trouble? Is it just a girl thing? I don't get it. Enlighten me if you can! Mostly though, just go and stay away!

Blah

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Miranda
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Okay already... [Re: Blah]
      #33656 - 09/27/05 09:48 AM

Point taken.

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13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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Blah
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I knew there had to be at least one! [Re: Miranda]
      #33665 - 09/27/05 10:29 AM

Thank you! You have my respect. You may not want it, but you have it anyway. I don't know about the others. Old Hand, almostheaven, you don't look that "old" to me!
Tee Hee!

Blah

I calls 'em like I sees 'em.


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Tabitha
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Re: Um, excuse me but, [Re: Miranda]
      #33683 - 09/27/05 11:46 AM

I didn't "start anything" on the Men's Rights Board. Brian asked for opinions and I gave him mine. Gr8dad didn't agree and we had a debate over our difference of opinion. Blah came along and started trolling with his message of hate and exclusion. I unwittingly replied to him a few times before I realized he was a troll formerly known as Rah who was subsequently banned from that board - and had to come back as a different identity.

Up until Rah/Blah started his campaign, women and men used to post ideas back and forth freely on both the Men's and Women's boards and I enjoyed hearing everyone's opinions, even the ones I disagreed with. I was under the impession that these boards were open to everyone. I guess some small minds can't handle a difference of opinion.

For the record, I never once used the phrases you are accusing me of in quotes... "not educated enough" or "too simplistic." I never once told brian to up and quit his job, stop calling or that it was all his fault. I merely tried to get him to open his eyes to what might be her perspective so that he could understand his enemy in order to make better decisions instead of continuing to run in circles. My advice for him was to 1) Try to figure out why she was so angry and resentful because that could be the key to the whole problem. 2) Do whatever he had to do to wrap up things with his business and find a job and move back to Conneticut so he could be there to parent his son since his ex wife obviously wasn't going to facilitate that relationship. 3) Realize that holding her in contempt of court probably wouldn't change her behavior and could possibly exacerbate the problem.

So, please, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't put words in my mouth. Thank you.


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Blah
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Re: Um, excuse your Butt? [Re: Tabitha]
      #33700 - 09/27/05 12:51 PM

If you took your foot out of your mouth long enough, you might realize that your response to Brian was NOT what he was asking about. His post was titled: "Vindictive angry ex has me in a bad spot". He was inquiring on a MEN'S RIGHTS forum. Is it so unreasonable as to assume that his reply would be from the MALE perspective? As I said before, this is all about respect. You, obviously, have no respect for this mans predicament or that of any MAN who disagrees with you. As Gr8Dad pointed out, your advice was terrible. I agree with him, but you just had to keep on trying to prove your point. You got a lotta nerve, lady, trying to give MEN advice when you have NO CLUE! Brian wasn't interested in his ex's perspective or trying to "understand why she was angry and resentful". He wanted to know how to get her to comply with a court order. You don't just get to ignore those. If you do, you can go to jail. That, my dear, can certainly change her behavior.
You are pathetic with your attempts to justify both your advice and your presence on a MENS RIGHTS forum. As I said before, TAKE OFF TROLL!

Blah I calls 'em like I sees 'em!


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AnneB
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Gee, Blah, couldn't keep your promise. [Re: Blah]
      #33706 - 09/27/05 01:07 PM

Just a little earlier you posted on the men's board that you wouldn't be posting here again. Guess you are either bored or a control freak and have to have the last word.

If a female posting on the men's board bothers you so much, why don't you do the mature thing and skip over it? I think you have an attention seeking disorder or a need for drama and are enjoying yourself with this little debate.


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Blah
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Re: I don't think she was trolling. [Re: almostheaven]
      #33707 - 09/27/05 01:07 PM

almostheaven said:
[quote]I don't know. I don't read over there. I figure men's issues have nothing more to do with me than women's issues have to do with the idiot we now have posting over here. [/quote] I think you have it exactly right, except for that "idiot" part. I'll accept it though if it also extends to Tabitha! And AnneB!

Blah

I calls 'em like I sees "em!

Edited by Blah (09/27/05 01:11 PM)


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Tabitha
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Re: U R the troll. [Re: Blah]
      #33708 - 09/27/05 01:11 PM

You trolled Brian's thread on the Men's Rights forum and then came over here and trolled again. I kindly ask that you please never reply to one of my posts, as I will never again reply to one of yours. You obviously have major personal problems that I could never even begin to relate to. I do hope that you are getting professional help for your anger and self esteem issues. Good luck.

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Blah
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Re: U R hopelessly self centered.! [Re: Tabitha]
      #33711 - 09/27/05 01:15 PM

Why does it say journeyMAN after your name? Hmmmmm..
Is that why you troll the MEN'S RIGHTS board?

Blah

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TGSM
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Tabitha [Re: Tabitha]
      #33718 - 09/27/05 01:48 PM

I highly recommend the ignore feature of this forum. It has made all the difference for me and my sanity. LOL I just avoid the troublemakers posts now. You can't reason with an unreasonable person! ((HUGS))

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Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster


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Tabitha
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Re: TGSM [Re: TGSM]
      #33720 - 09/27/05 01:50 PM

You are a genius! Thank you!

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TGSM
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You're welcome, but... [Re: Tabitha]
      #33722 - 09/27/05 02:12 PM

I definately learned the hard way after trying to have a valid discussions with some people...it was pointless. Some people have their agendas and will not "hear" a different view point. We all bring our own experiences to the forum, but some people are so closeminded they refuse to see the other side.

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Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster


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Tabitha
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Re: Consider it learned.... [Re: TGSM]
      #33725 - 09/27/05 02:28 PM

the hard way! What I can't figure out is why that man has to be so nasty. He gives me the creeps... he's like a cyber-stalker.

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Blah
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Typical [Re: Tabitha]
      #33833 - 09/28/05 08:22 AM

You poor little victim. Boo Hoo!

Blah

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Jewelsy
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Re: Typical [Re: Blah]
      #33840 - 09/28/05 09:01 AM

i dont think after how my asking for advice turned out on this thread.... I will ever post here again.......

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almostheaven
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If you do that... [Re: Jewelsy]
      #33848 - 09/28/05 09:28 AM

You'll never be able to post anywhere online. This goes on all over. You just have to learn to either ignore threads getting derailed or jump into the fray...whichever you prefer to do. But don't let it run you off or some posters accomplish what they set out to do. There are actually people who post purposely to rile others and/or derail threads just to see if they can run people off and get arguments started. And sometimes they post in such a manner because they're generally clueless. Either way, if you run off because of OTHER people, you're allowing others to control your actions and that's never a good thing.

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Miranda
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Why would you do that??? [Re: Jewelsy]
      #33861 - 09/28/05 10:09 AM

Why would you never post again because of this thread? I mean you posted this same situation on three or four different boards on this site. YOu received a lot of good advice. This is only board and thread that was hijacked, so to speak, and that was more of a personal vendetta because of the men's rights forum. You can utilize the ignore feature on here-that way you could never view posts from certain individuals.

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13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Re: Why would you do that??? [Re: Miranda]
      #33875 - 09/28/05 11:04 AM

"YOu received a lot of good advice."

There's an angle I never thought of and a perfectly good reason why posters should never leave a board because a thread may get derailed. As long as they're getting good advice, then the board has actually served the purpose and all the bickering won't change that part.

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Char Fox


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Blah
member
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Reged: 07/13/05
Posts: 104
Loc: Fla.
Re: Why would you do that??? [Re: almostheaven]
      #33937 - 09/28/05 02:46 PM

Jewelsey,
Just post on the MEN'S RIGHTS forum. There are no men there to annoy you. It's an all girl zone! No mean men to hurt your widdle feewings! Ohhh sooo cute!

Blah

That mean MAN!


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bloozydude
recently joined


Reged: 01/02/08
Posts: 1
Re: Typical [Re: Jewelsy]
      #339334 - 01/02/08 04:43 PM

Wow .... Twins ?

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