greenolive
recently joined
Reged: 01/15/08
Posts: 1
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I have a daughter who will be sixteen this month. She is anxious to feel supported by the laws to be able to tell her dad that she does not want to come to his house on any given weekend. Do children have any input (before they are 18)?
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googledad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/31/05
Posts: 4789
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On visitation ? No. You can encourage the " child " to encourage alternate arrangements .
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Adversus solem ne loquitor
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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Almost all states do not allow a child to "choose" whether they want to follow a visitation order.
And if the child refuses to follow the visitation order; the NCP "might" be allowed to suspend child support payments.
HOWEVER, there are three states that allow the child to choose starting at the age of 12.
Georgia is one. Oklahoma recently became another. There was one more like Indiana or Iowa or something like that...
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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she needs to go as scheduled. If there is a valid reason why visitation should not occur, then you need to pursue it legally. If this is just because she wants to go and do other things on specific weekends, then she needs to discuss it with her father and see if dad is willing to be flexible enough to allow her to do the things she wants to do and come at other times.
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ILMimi
addict
Reged: 01/03/08
Posts: 413
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My 13-year old refuses to see her father. I was also worried that I would be in contempt but there was no way that I could persuade her or physically get her to see her father.
My lawyer said that the law said I needed to make her "available" for the visit. If my husband came to the door and she told him she didn't want to see him, she didn't have to go.
In my case, my husband hasn't pushed the issue as he knows he did a great job hurting this relationship through his lying and drug use. She does visit him occasionally when there is something in it for her (e.g. Christmas presents, he helped her make a Christmas log thing for French class (he was a great chef at one time), etc.
I would love to see a stronger relationship between the two of them. After all no one loves my daughter as much as he and I do.
My 11-year old son always goes to visitation. But then again, his dad is his buddy and he was much less astute as to the drug use and other issues.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 16697
Loc: North of Mexico
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Are you confusing custody with visitation? I have never heard that a 12 year old pick and chose if he wanted to visit the NCP.
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I may be schizophrenic but at least I have each other.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 13444
Loc: Capital District, NY
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It sounds like you have some choices, when she brings boys home will you be able to physically persuade that it isn't going to happen or if she wants to use drugs. it sounds like she knows she is in charge and can have it any way she wants. Its time she understood who is in charge and she needs to do what she is told to do when it comes to parenting time with Dad.
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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she doesn't want to go to school? Or to church? Or to an event with family? Or have you not had that experience yet?
I think your lawyer is not advising you well, because as the custodial parent, your job is not only to make the child available for the visitation, but to encourage and facilitate the visitation. If encourage and facilitate means threaten and coerce, then I guess that's what needs to be done. My children are 16 and 17 years old and have reached the point where they make their own arrangements with their father due to their schedules (work, sports, plays, school activities, social activities)...BUT during the times that they were court ordered to have visitation with their father, they KNEW that there was no choice in the matter and that they would go AS SCHEDULED without argument...else face consequences for their rude and uncooperative behavior. Perhaps you need to let your child know that SHE doesn't call the shots and that you will consequence her for failing to go...it's your job to be a parent.
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ILMimi
addict
Reged: 01/03/08
Posts: 413
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Wow. You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine. There isn't ONE way to parent a child nor is there ONE set of rules for visitation. Given my circumstances this is the right thing for her.
And you obviously don't know everything about my case either. My STBX is a bipolar drug addict who tried to kill himself and us last year. I have an OP against him and he has very little visitation. I was just awarded sole custody. Did you ever have to have a discussion with your 10-year old daughter (at the time) as to whether Daddy ever touched her? (After I found the photos of na-ked little girls for the second time) Or did your pre-teen daughter ever hear her father hallucinating or find empty cough medicine bottles (he'd drink 2 a night) or his hidden vodka and cranberry glasses? Did your child hear their father try to kill himself and when he couldn't do it go after his mother and then try to grab the police officers gun?
I do value the opinions of people on this forum. What I don't value are people being judgemental and trying to force their opinions and values on others.
My STBX is lucky that she even wants to see him at times, even if it is for a self-serving visit.
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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Sorry ILMimi- (I assume you are form Illinois or are sick, but I am guessting Illinois)
Your attorney is giving you [censored] advice. I spent last summer (as a lot of people here know) in court and won custody back of my kids and it was partly based on citing Illinois statute
750 ILCS 5/602 Best Interest of Child.
The court shall determine custody in accordance with the best interest of the child.
<snip>
(8) the willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the other parent and the child
Keep doing what you are and your kid(s) can end up with a new address.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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