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Maury
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Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8181
Loc: This Asylum --->
Re: Dazed and Confused in NJ [Re: Lazerus]
      #352833 - 01/28/08 11:29 PM

A violation can and should result in a criminal offense. If it was not charged as such, something is very wrong. Report every violation.

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Lazerus
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Reged: 01/17/08
Posts: 41
Re: Dazed and Confused in NJ [Re: Maury]
      #352952 - 01/29/08 08:16 AM

Okay, game day 1 today...the first of many legal issues to follow.
Today is the DV hearing and the her attorney is going to say that since I knew she wanted a divorce that I set this up strategically. HA! If we had any real assets and had something worth while to split there may be something to that accusation, jeez you know how many lows she's been on where she threw me out and wanted a divorce only to want to reconcile later...why should this time be any different? How do you take a person like that seriously...however the difference this time is that I didn't accept her hitting me and over the last couple of years she has been assaulting my oldest son...that's the difference this time.

Lawyers (sorry to any attorneys) are just ignorant when it comes to all this...they all peddle the law, not the facts. Will her attorney defend her for free when she hits my son again, will he defend my son if he hits his mother. What's next, will her attorney pay for my hospital bills when she picks up another snow shovel to hit me?

Yes this is the first of many court room dramas, and it doesn't have to be if all she does is get into therapy...how freaking simple is that?

Take the damn house, the cars and everything that isn't nailed down...I can survive in the world without any of those things, but there is no way that she will get to continue to be the custodial parent as long as she is not in therapy.

Today's outcome for the PRO, doesn't really matter, even if her attorney drags me through the mud I am not going to waiver from the facts and the truth...but I also have the Department of Youth and Family Services on my side...I will prevail one way or another and she will be in with a therapist, she will get evaluated and she will get help.

Well wish me luck, pray for me and I will for all of you. The second day of the rest of my life starts today.


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Relayer
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Reged: 03/13/07
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Re: Dazed and Confused in NJ [Re: Lazerus]
      #353000 - 01/29/08 09:54 AM

Good luck. Hopefully this is the start of a new life for you and your kids. One where you can feel safe.

However, fair warning, the court is VERY easy on female abusers. The scenario for a male abuser is very different.

The only reason her lawyer would accuse you of "setting her up" is he has given plenty of women advice to do exactly that. Thats part and parcel to a lot of divorce proceedings, usually instigated by an attorney.

--------------------
GO CUBBIES!!!!


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Lazerus
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Reged: 01/17/08
Posts: 41
Re: Dazed and Confused in NJ [Re: Relayer]
      #353152 - 01/29/08 12:16 PM

A small victory today...I got a continuance on the Restraining order until the 19th of Feb. Which is good, because we will change the venue to civil under the divorce. It will become a civil restraining order.

Also...Small victory again...she spilled her guts to the aunt she is living with...Spoke with the aunt today...aunt had a bi-polar mother and my STBX threw up the history to her...well, as a condition of, living with the aunt, seeing the children and having the attorney paid for...the STBX must stay in therapy....PERIOD.

The aunt, myself and the attorneys (including hers) are all on the same page...so as I said a small victory...partly a false one since this is the first play from her side. We played back and countered by allowing immediate supervised visitation tonight with the boys, which won her attorney over today, he thought I was going to fight tooth and nail...I gave them everything they wanted tonight....but now the next play is in their court.

I get to file the divorce first which is okay, the negotiating game starts in the next 10 days...don't count me down, score 3 for me 1 for her...yes I am keeping score.

This is a war and even though I don't want to hurt this woman, it is a war...I negotiate for a living, I know what the end results are supposed to be. Right now everyone has won something today, however I am ahead.

Yes today is the second day of the rest of my life...and it's a good day, let's hope that I keep having them.

Chin up to all, do not back down. Thanks again for your support and I will keep you posted and continue to reply to you. I won't lie, this hurts like hell, but pain goes away and has a counter which is joy...we will all have joy in the end...keep forging ahead.

Okay, done blah blahing.


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Buckeye
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Reged: 12/08/05
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Re: Dazed and Confused in NJ [Re: Lazerus]
      #353559 - 01/29/08 10:15 PM

Thanks for bringing us up to date.

Good luck on everything including getting STBX in therapy.


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Lazerus
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Reged: 01/17/08
Posts: 41
Re: Dazed and Confused in NJ [Re: Buckeye]
      #353605 - 01/29/08 11:06 PM

Thanks Buckeye...seems with 5862 posts you've seen every story that could possibly be brought to the boards. Any adivce you would like to impart on us noobies?

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Buckeye
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Reged: 12/08/05
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Re: Dazed and Confused in NJ [Re: Lazerus]
      #354169 - 01/30/08 07:10 PM

Yep, do what is fair for everyone - then, no one gets hurt.

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Lazerus
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Reged: 01/17/08
Posts: 41
Re: Dazed and Confused in NJ [Re: Buckeye]
      #357920 - 02/07/08 11:23 PM

Game Day 2:
Criminal hearing was last night. I was represented by the state and my lawyer coached me on exactly what I should and shouldn't do.
First I have to say that I asked my lawyer with all honesty how I can use this criminal thing to my advantage? He made it clear that I am ahead of the curve on the whole divorce situation and he believes I can pull ahead even further because things with my STBX are not improving (mentally).
So I am in court and through my friendship with the Chief of Police I ask if we could fast track the case before roll call with the Prosecutor.
I meet with the Prosecutor and make my wishes known, that I want to have the charged removed if the STBX get's anger management classes. He will not remove the charge, just reduce it so she doesn't lose her job over this (which she could if convicted of the original offense).
After a few minutes of information passing between me, the chief the STBX her family and the prosecutor, all is arranged and I go home.

I get the thank you from the Aunt (supervisor) today and a whole story about how the STBX is not on meds yet, not responding to therapy and there is concern that she may need to be hospitalized. In all that I get the apology for having to put up with her decline into a worsening mental state for 15 years...the aunt has only had her for three weeks...I must be a freaking saint!

Long story short, I completely kept them off balance again...they expected me to demand the book be thrown at her. Now...the question that some of you may be asking....
Why? Why do that, Why spare her, Why care?

The answer....strategy. At the end of the day, my stock is rising while her's continues to decline. Everything is still about her and her illness and I am just trying to get the mother of my children to get help. Considering what everyone has been told about me...there is quite a new picture being painted and I have just increased the score 4 to 1 and have proof that my intentions are not to harm her, only get her well so she can be a mother.

While this is true, there is always motive behind my action. The first motive is a safe, sane, healthy parent. The second motive is to make every attempt at making her pay the price for her actions for a change, but without harming her fragile psych so much that the first motive get's increasingly more difficult. The final reason for my sparing action is image...I need to continue to earn my place in the uphill battle as a man, showing that I have compassion, care and willingness to continue to help another human being, even if it is a woman I can never forgive for hurting our son.

That's the lasted update and things are looking better and better.

Game day 3 will be the official word of the filing of the divorce complaint...I should make it out of the gate first...I'll know more tomorrow.


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Lazerus
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Reged: 01/17/08
Posts: 41
Re: Dazed and Confused in NJ [Re: Lazerus]
      #358276 - 02/08/08 05:08 PM

Well the game is on, but they are grasping at straws. Her uber catholic mom called DYFS on me today....all innocent and concerned about my kids.
Needless to say, my social worker at DYFS stuck up for me and politely put her in her place.
Then the aunt blamed me for not paying the property taxes on the property (STBX can't read a mortgage or tax statement - she paid the taxes on the property even though they are included in the mortgage)...I straightened that out with proof and the aunt wilted in shame and apologized and asked me if it was okay to stop payment on the check.

Here is the problem they face and I am sure that many of you are in my same position...I am so transparent that no one can make anything stick to me so they have to grasp at things.

They try so hard to knock me off balance, but they are just don't really know me. They only know the person they so long saw sitting at the table and engaging only in trivial conversation, never alluding to my business or thoughts. They only have what their mentally challenged (my STBX) relative relates to them in anger and pain.

Remeber, keep your advesary off balance right back, they may claim to know you, but there is plenty of you they never learned about....be honest and don't play vengence games...I know men have a harder time at gaining custody of their children, but at the end of the day all you want is the freedom to move with your children when you want...unless of course you kids are in an unsafe environment, then fight.


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