divorcedude
recently joined
Reged: 02/05/08
Posts: 2
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Last year my wife moved in with here boyfriend while I was deployed. She took my child with her across state line 80 miles away. I didn't agree with it but things went so fast I didn't know what to do. She promised she didn't want much and custody would be fair. I've been a wreck but I see my child every weekend and things were going ok, until recently. Were disagreeing on ways to care for our child medically. She is doing things with out my consent. I said I would have her arrested if she puts him on drugs and I'm not involved with test results (can I do that?). She is pissed and things are going down hill. She wont communicate now. Said she's getting a lawyer. She constantly threatens me that things can get worse and I will get less time with him if she doesn't get her way. Why do I give her the power? Is it fear of the legally unknown? I hear so many cases against the father. I fear loosing what I do have and getting less time with my child. With her it seems I only have 2 options, kiss her ass and play by her rules or take her to court were things will get very ugly. Is it worth the risk? If it goes full bore than we will fight until the death. This is not fair to our child. There no easy answer so I came here for support or advice. If your not serious or helpful (like the negative crap I've been hearing) I'll just disregard. I don't have time.
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rnmom34
member
Reged: 01/20/08
Posts: 174
Loc: oxford, ohio
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What kind of medications and test results are we talking about? Does your order say you have joint decision making?
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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No you cannot have her arrested or anything else. Until you establish your parental rights by court order, you have no say
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Angelicmama
recently joined
Reged: 02/04/08
Posts: 7
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actually, once u marry, u have parental rights....I suggest you go to court and get a temporary order establishing the visitation schedule and medical decisions and residency.
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divorcedude
recently joined
Reged: 02/05/08
Posts: 2
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The medical decisions evolve AADD. There was no order filed yet, but does that mean I have no parental rights? I find that hard to believe. I am his father. It took us both to make that child. I must admit, she calmed down remarkably overnight and has turned a complete 180. We talk talked for along time and came to many agreements. It would appear to be all fine again, but what if she has another mood swing and it gets real bad again? Do I walk on eggshells for her and just keep her happy so I get to see my child more. Does anyone one know a fathers rights? The things I've read online look grave and very bias.
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Pops_IL_CP_Dad
addict
Reged: 02/02/08
Posts: 406
Loc: Illinois
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You have another option. Take your child to a different doctor yourself and get another opinion. NO, you don't need your wife's permission, approval, or anything else. She is only HALF of the parenting team. You have the same rights as she does unless and until one of you gets sole legal custody. Until then, YOU'RE the DAD -- just as important as she is and with the same legal rights.
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Focus on what is legally relevant, not morally indignant or petty.
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Angelicmama
recently joined
Reged: 02/04/08
Posts: 7
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I know its hard to believe that u have no parental rights even tho u are his father. HOWEVER, if u did marry her, then u do have parental rights. You do have rights as a father. I would suggest that you and the mother of ur son get an temporary order from teh court stating what u guys have agreed on for protection for both of you guys.
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SunshineGal
journeyman
Reged: 10/08/07
Posts: 81
Loc: Southern United States
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I think it is best to get some papers filed so the rules are written in stone.
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emilar
enthusiast
Reged: 06/11/06
Posts: 380
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You said your wife and nothing about divorce...are you divorced or legally anything..Do you pay support? Go to a lawyer fast...you have many rights..including medical decisions..although throwing her in jail isn't one of them..seems to me her taking you to court might be a good thing...it doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong except been deserted and alienated from your child..I don't think this boyfriend thing is good either...see a lawyer she might end up paying interim fees...I agree with the other poster take the child to your own physician and get a second opinion...It gives the judge something to work with...psychotropic medications are a serious matter when it comes to children..
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If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
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