KeriT
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/04
Posts: 2
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Hi, My name is Keri...my parents got divorced almost a year ago now. We haven't had any problems up until the past 3 months when my mom found out about my dad's girlfriend. My boyfriend's dad and uncle know my dad's girlfiend and they say she is a real you know what. I really don't want anything to do with her, and my mom has told my dad many many times to keep her away from me and my sister. My dad gets every other weekend with me and my sister, but I don't want to see him anymore. On weekends that we are with him, my dad's girlfriend comes with and its suppose to be OUR weekend, not theirs. I have told my dad a million times I dont want anythign to do with her, but he always makes me see her. I never have been close with my dad, and I'm sick of having to go with him every other weekend. What I'm wondering is there a specific law that states I can make my own decision on who gets custody of me and my sister? I am 15 and my sister is 10, going to be 11 in a month. If anyone can help me please, I need a list or a link of where I can find certain laws about child custody. Please help me!! :(
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KeriT
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/04
Posts: 2
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Sorry that was a shortened version because my sister had to use the computer. Anyways, back in the day, while my mom had breast cancer.. my dad would leave every other weekend to go to the cabin. This mysterious caller that showed up as "unknown number" on the caller ID would hang up on me, my mom, and my sister, they wouldn't hang up on my dad though. My parents were still married at the time, and this took place for months.. since november 2002 until may 2003. We really didn't think my dad was cheating on my mom, until I met Judy, my dad's girlfriend. I found out my dad met her up north, by our cabin. That got me and my mom thinking that the reason my dad went to the cabin every other weekend was to see her, and she was the one who was calling and hanging up on the girls in the family. That is why my mother hates her so much, and I don't blame her. My mom was married and going through chemo and radiation for breast cancer and she was screwin around with my dad. It makes me sick to think about things like that. But anyways, my boyfriend whom I have been going out with for almost 6 months, his dad knows Judy. My boyfriends uncle lives up by her, and works in the same bar as Judy. He said she is not a nice person and many people up there don't like her. I told my dad that and he thinks they were just drunk one night and tried to hit on her and Judy turned them down, which is kind of impossible since my boyfriend's dad can't drink alcohol due to a skin condition. He is 33 years old anyways, and Judy is in her 40's and I doubt he would hit on her besides. So now my dad hates my boyfriends family which is bad because me and him are getting serious now and It would be nice if our families got along. Anyways, my dad denies that he cheated on my mom with Judy, and we don't have any proof except suspicion. My mom has told my dad to keep us away from Judy, and her mother, because Judy's mom is a drunk and hugs us all the time which is disgusting. The court decided that my dad and my mom switch off weekends, and so by the law I HAVE to go with my dad.. and Judy is always there. I never really liked my dad, he would always tell me how I'm a lazy spoiled brat, and he always says I cost him too much money. I'm actually kind of scared of him because he tries to be intimidating, hes 6'4 and me and my mom are only 5'5 and 5'6. I know he would never do anything to harm us on purpose, but I'm still scared of him. He came by my moms house to pick up some of his stuff in my moms garage and he brought Judy. My mom had a fit and told them to get off her property and my dad wouldn't leave so she called the cops. I was sleeping the whole time so I didn't witness it. All i know is my dad doesn't care about me or my sister really, and I want to live with my mom full time. My dad doesn't even have a job or a house that he OWNS for us to sleep in. Is there ANY law out there that states I can make my own disicion as to who gets custody of me? My mom said on 4th of July weekend, its my dads weekend and I told my dad I'm not going with him. My mom said I can make my own decision of I want to go with him and I decided I would rather go to my boyfriends cabin than be with my dad and Judy. She also said that he might call the cops on my mom and make them come take Laura and Me away for the weekend. She said they might not make me go, but for sure Laura, my sister because she's only 11. Please I really need help on this, I can't stand the fighting anymore and it upsets me very very much. Any opinions are welcome. thankyou
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Eric
old hand
Reged: 05/30/04
Posts: 807
Loc: USA
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Keri,
Does not fly.
Open your mind and your heart.
You exact reasonings are the reasons why you are considered a child in the eyes of the law with very few rights beyond the right to be fed and clothed.
First, you believe others before investigating for yourself and it is your Father that sees good in this other person.
When you grow up, come back here. Immature questions and problems like this are unnecessary.
Good luck,
Eric
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Equality is not a difficult concept
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
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Unfortunately, you been dragged into the middel of this situation. Adn I am sorry to say, but it is your MOTHER who did it. The reason's that your parents got divorce, unless it was abuse of you or your sister, are none of your concern. You father may or may not have had an affair, but that, while making him a bad husband, does NOT make him a bad father. Perhaps this Judy person was simply a friend of your father's (which, since she works at a bar near the cabin, it is quite likely that they knew each other), and it evolved into something more after the separation or divorce? Of maybe he WAS having an affair, but that is none of your business. You need to stop being "part" of the post divorce situation between your parents.
Your father is simply moving on with his life, and since "Judy" is part of that life, she will be part of you life as well.
Before you discard this advice, I have one question. Will you feel the same when Mom finds someone new? Best of luck, and try to control the anger. Dad is taking you on his weekends, he is paying his support, and he ia trying to be a supportive Dad. As for his feelings towards your BF's family, consider this, you are angry at HIM because he doesn't like your BF and his family, right? Well, isn't that the same as him being angry at THEM for trash talking about his GF to you?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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sueotey
recently joined
Reged: 06/16/04
Posts: 23
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I agree 100% with Eric and with gr8dad. Just listening to your words is why children are not allowed to make the choice of whom they get to live with.
you are being manipulated to think the way you think. it is time you try and think on your own -- without prompting from any other sources.
and sweetie -- if you think at 15 years old -- you are ready for a serious relationship -- have you not learned at all from your parents divorce?
your dad is trying to have a relationship with you. it is your obligation to try and do this as well. if your parents were still married you would have no choice in the matter either. just because the marriage ended does not mean that parental responsibility from both parents has ended as well.
please seek therapy (i'm sure your parents will help you with this -- if you are truly seeking help) -- it may be the only way you can cope with whatever feelings you are seriously feeling. -- and a good therapist will help you sort out which feelings are yours and which feelings are the ones that have been planted into your brain.
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LOVE WINS! in every instance -- it knows no other way but to win!
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Helpless
recently joined
Reged: 06/25/04
Posts: 4
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Hi Keri,
I think I know how you're feeling. When a similar situation happened in my neices life, I felt as though she was angry at her father because he had a new girlfriend and would spend more time with her than with his own daughter. The thought of having to share your father's love and affection with someone you don't even know (and don't particularly like) makes you angry. However, as your father, he has the right to see you. As long as his new girlfriend doesn't harm or abuse you, you should look for the good in her and not see her as a replacement for your mother. If not, just accept the fact that she is around and that women will probably come and go in your father's life as well as men will come and go in your mother's life.
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Shyrider
newbie
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 44
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Hi Keri;
I am so sorry you are going through this. Divorce is tough all the way around, but especially on kids. I have a daughter who is also 15, and she's a wonderful girl. I also have a son who is 11, and he's awesome! However, when their father and I divorced 5 years ago, things were so hard on them. I totally feel for you.
If you would like to talk, please feel free to email me, or you can also come over to my website, and talk to some other gals who are sure to do their best to help you out. I would rather not discuss things here, as it is not very private.
Anyway, if you need a friend, just click on my name to go to my website, or send an email to shyrider16@yahoo.com .... I'm here if you need me!
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gramto4
newbie
Reged: 06/12/04
Posts: 38
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[quote]Unfortunately, you been dragged into the middel of this situation. Adn I am sorry to say, but it is your MOTHER who did it. (end)
Gr8dad
That was uncalled for! I certainly hope this is not how you speak to your children, by placing blame. This child needs to get some counseling to cope however you were out of line.
Would you appreciate a stranger telling your son or daughter that YOU caused problems in their relationship w/ their mother.
Adults are one thing....go ahead and bash but children are different and you know better.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
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This "child" is aware of Dad's actions in regards to the marital situation. She was told that Mom "hates" the new GF. She knows time frames of the alleged affair. Sorry GM, but info like that only comes from one place, the parents. And THIS info, per the original post, comes from MOM. Don't like it? Talk to the mother. I was NOT bashing the child, I was telling her that she is being involved in things that she should not be concerned about. And I advised therapy. Please point out where I bashed her? Did I bash Mom? Yes, because Mom is screwing up here.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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gramto4
newbie
Reged: 06/12/04
Posts: 38
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Just remember this when someone tells one of YOUR children that YOU are the cause of a problem they have. I don't think you will appreciate it.
My point is and was YOU are an adult ....the poster is not. You do not tell "children" either parent is the "problem" . And as Eric pointed out she is a child in the eyes of the law.
And for the record, no I do not think a child of any age should know the details of divorce, however, sometimes they figure it out or come to their own conclusions.
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Eric
old hand
Reged: 05/30/04
Posts: 807
Loc: USA
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that since this thread is changing directions of helping and giving opinions to the original poster to that of criticizing other's posts, that we stop it...
We have an opportunity with this new board to put our known idiosyncrasies of each other and move forward without criticizing each other's post, keep the threads on topic to the original post and have faith that the poster will decide for themselves what they think is best for them from all of us "experts."
Just my thoughts before we have to write more letters to divorce source complaining about all the fighting and bickering.
Good luck,
Eric
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Equality is not a difficult concept
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
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...defend my actions, nor my advice to you. I gave my advice, I gfave my opinion, and they stand as they are. Thank you and good day.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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realitycheck
recently joined
Reged: 06/28/04
Posts: 16
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Try making Dad and Judy's life miserable when you are there. Have a nice pleasant discussion about adultery and why they are so fond of it. Tell Dad you are just curious how he could cheat on wife battling breast cancer. Have a big smile on your face when you ask. Make sure it is in a public place. If he takes a swing at you, call the cops. At your age, you can help decide visitation with your feet. Unfortunately, your sister is stuck. Write to your state representative and tell how much you are learning and benefiting by being with a father who frightens you and his tramp. Best of luck. It is just a few years more for you and you never have to see him again. Remember how he treated your mother, when he gets old and sick.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30378
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This probably the WORST bit of advice I have EVER seen on this baord or any other, and I have seen some BAD ones. You deserve the same level of understanding and forgiveness that you offer to others, and may you children grow to treat people better than you obviously are teaching them.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Dolph
recently joined
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 5
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I have to agree here. This is not good advice to give to any child! All this will do is set the child up for discipline from Dad.
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-Life is too short for regrets.
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realitycheck
recently joined
Reged: 06/28/04
Posts: 16
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Keri and sister deserve a life, not being dissed by an idiot and slobbered over by a drunk. You missed the part where she mentioned being verbally abused non-stop. or it that necessary to grow up, being abused by Dad?
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realitycheck
recently joined
Reged: 06/28/04
Posts: 16
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or do you want her to grow up as another victim, that is cheated on, supports a loser, etc.
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M5K
recently joined
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 21
Loc: TN
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How retarded! I think YOU need some serious anger managment and therapy!
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~*M5*~
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realitycheck
recently joined
Reged: 06/28/04
Posts: 16
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Explain how being verbally abused benefits these children M5? What is wrong with telling your legislature how miserable it is being forced into visitation with worthless trash?
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Myfantastic4
recently joined
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 18
Loc: Pennsylvania
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I think that MOST parents drag older children into the situation and they know and hear more then we want them to or know that they do. The thing is that this young lady needs to understand that this is NOT the way that a normal relationship should be. Children need one on one time with the visiting parent. Me being a stepmother myself I understand that the children need to have that free time to spend with the parent. I also have children from a first marriage and understand it from both ends. Children should NOT be involved with information that they do not need. But she also needs some advice being a child or an adult. She is still going through an adult situation and she isn't happy. Should she be unhappy for the next 3 years until she is old enough to say she doesn't want to see her father? That isn't fair to her or her sister.
Why don't you see about trying to find a message board that deals with other children that come from a divorced family and might be going through the same situation that you are going through? If you need some help finding them please feel free to contact me and I will help you out.
Giving advise to a child to make a parent miserable when she is there isn't the right thing to do and you are only telling her to do something that is disrespectful. Regardless of what either parent has done she should still have respect for her parents.
Hope this helped you out!
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Eric
old hand
Reged: 05/30/04
Posts: 807
Loc: USA
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What would be more helpful is to give insights to the original post as opposed to trying to give insights to the posters that had original thoughts. By commenting on the poster's post and not concentrating on the original poster's post, you are just plain, bickering and stirring up things that don't need to be stirred up because, the respondents have already made up their minds based upon the information given and their own life experiences.
I was right from the beginning :) yet, you want to keep the long threads of disagreement that lead to hatred going.
Can't you just give your opinion to the on topic post and let it drop? Why all the bickering to the responses? Do you really think that the original poster cares about the bickering and the "correct" answer that may be ratified by just a few? I don't think so... I think that they will look at the responses and decide for themselves no matter who posts what... And, to ratify in their mind that adults are stupid like this bickering shows that we are, just makes her think that all adults are hateful and don't care about the children.
Just my thoughts,
Eric
www.FIRMncp.com
(good site for minors as long as you don't read the FIRM's Forum...cuz, there are adults there that are immature, too...)
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Equality is not a difficult concept
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Myfantastic4
recently joined
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 18
Loc: Pennsylvania
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As a matter of fact I was responding to the original posting and also putting some other thoughts in there as well. I dont sit here and bicker with others because I do not waste my time with that stuff but was only refering to the fact that I COMPLETELY understand where she might be coming from because my children are going through the same thing with thier father that is all.
Thank You!!
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realitycheck
recently joined
Reged: 06/28/04
Posts: 16
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I had a loser father and I kowtowed and kissed his toes and was abused until he died when I was 35. Don't waste your life on losers. The selfish don't ever develop a heart. Some parents DESERVE less respect than a rock on the floor.
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sueotey
recently joined
Reged: 06/16/04
Posts: 23
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wow! -- what a variety of opinions. basically, however, i do think that we can mostly agree on one thing. The CHILD needs therapy. No, CHILD should ever be given the opportunity to choose whom she/he lives with. This is up for a court to decide -- or the parents themselves.
I'm sorry reality check that you had an awful father. I believe that you read a lot into the original poster's post -- perhaps based on what you lived through.
Please all of us should always remember that there are two sides to every story. -- and this poor child has only heard her mom's side. she has not been presented with her father's side -- nor has she been open to discussing this.
Divorce sometimes happens. I wish it didn't -- i wish people would try harder to make their marriage work. -- but, sometimes, even then it happens.
the thing that parents need to assure their children of is that they are not the cause of the divorce, nor are they the solution to the divorce. -- children and parents can live through divorce -- successfully and painlessly -- as long as everyone puts their own individual emotions aside -- and think only of the children
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LOVE WINS! in every instance -- it knows no other way but to win!
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realitycheck
recently joined
Reged: 06/28/04
Posts: 16
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P.S. You don't need therapy. You are thinking straight. You do not need brainwashing to think it OK for your father is entitled to break his vows and treat you bad, while you are forced to give up your life and teen years so he and his tramp can say they have control. No child deserves insults and threats. Call Child Protective Services or talk to a school counselor yourself if he is cruel to you.
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realitycheck
recently joined
Reged: 06/28/04
Posts: 16
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My wife was sick with breast cancer, so I did not want to bothered with her anymore. The local tramp offered to have sex with me while wife was sick, so of course, I cheated. Since the b8tch ex is collect $50 child support, I will torture the girls and the ex by forcing them to watch me give everything I have to Judy, while I tell the girls what a waste they are. If the ex would not take the money, I would rather run around with new women and drink than spend time with my children, at least these kids.
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sueotey
recently joined
Reged: 06/16/04
Posts: 23
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hmmm -- wellll i see you are receptive to kindness. i guess you will be the first person that gets reported to the moderator. :(
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LOVE WINS! in every instance -- it knows no other way but to win!
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realitycheck
recently joined
Reged: 06/28/04
Posts: 16
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I checked the forum rules and agreeing with suoetay is not one of them. Some people care about children's rights and some people care about bad parent's rights. those two are not always compatible.
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sueotey
recently joined
Reged: 06/16/04
Posts: 23
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[quote]I checked the forum rules and agreeing with suoetay is not one of them. Some people care about children's rights and some people care about bad parent's rights. those two are not always compatible. [/quote]
lmao here.
that is the funniest thing i've heard all day....
thanks for the laugh...
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LOVE WINS! in every instance -- it knows no other way but to win!
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