LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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It just doesn't matter to me anymore... I look back at all the years we had together and all the bad memories and they far outweigh the good. My problem has never been about missing my ex-husband or wanting him back. It's more about craving the experience of having at least one, healthy, loving, relationship with a man, before my time on this earth is over.
I married young, to my high school sweetheart, and my experience has been very limited. I have had one serious relationship since my divorce, but I had to end that too. It was again too unhealthy. I seem to have a tendency to attract men who seem very nice at first and then they seem to turn into something and someone else, like it was all just make believe.
I could understand if I was mean, nasty, vindictive, b*tch, who did things to ultimately deserve being treated badly. But, heaven help me, I can't think of what I could ever do to deserve that. For whatever reason, that's what I get in return.
I just went through this again recently. I never even got a sincere apology. Instead I got sarcasm, a bit of nastiness, even some plain, all out, arrogance on their part. When all I did was reach out to them and care as a friend. I don't understand how people can do that and not feel badly? It hurts a lot... But, I know in my heart of hearts I was only good to them. That's all that matters at the end of the day.
People have to live with and deal with themselves. I just don't know if some ever really do? They certainly don't seem to look back and care about how they have hurt someone and why? I don't understand people who can't truly say they are sorry and face they treated someone else badly.
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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mlh53
member
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 110
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Mediation is just like Nancy described. The X and I worked with a Mediator and it turned out pretty well for the most part. HOWEVER, I had my own attorney to consult with, studied up big time on divorce law, and was used to negotiating as I formerly worked in the investment field and was a real estate broker. The hardest thing to do is to put your emotions aside. But if you have a good Mediator they'll know how to keep everyone's jets cooled and negotiations from deteriorating.
In any case, good luck. It's not easy having to deal almost directly with STBX. But it sure beats dueling attornies, attending court constantly, and running up huge legal fees. Not to mention the time it takes when going through the beaurocratic system.
Hugs,
Melanie
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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Thanks Melanie
I think I will be in control with the mediation process. I know I have to stay firm and not buckle. I can do that, I'm pretty determined on what I want. I also consulted with an attorney and know what I'm capable of getting. I have a good feeling with my stbx picking up the cost that he won't argue to much. If I stick to something and the arguing goes back and forth, that will just run up his money and he doesn't want that. At this point he just wants out. He's living with his girlfriend most of the time but still paying rent on his place. I know he's waiting for all of this to get behind us so I don't use the infidelity against him. The longer our process takes, the longer it takes for him to move in with her. That won't make for a happy girlfriend.
Hugs
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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