SteelersJR1
addict
Reged: 10/03/05
Posts: 693
Loc: PA
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Guys, (well, girls really) I thought a "cover-all" post would be better than replying to each of you on an individual basis. First, thank you all for your compassion and caring. It seriously means the world to me. It shows that the world really isn't turned upside down, it's just me. I wish I could get on this site at work, but then I probably wouldn't have a job!
You all have wonderful advice and I read all of it. I ABSORB it. In a back-handed compliment, I'm glad we're all going through, or did go through, this. Only that way can we really appreciate what each of us is talking about. Death would have been easier-at least there's definite closure there. With this, so far there's nothing but the hurt, pain and grief of death, but with the horror of possibly running into "them" at some point. I haven't even gotten my personal belongings from my house yet, because I'm not prepared to see things that have changed since I've been gone. This house was a life-long dream. I was born and raised a country boy, and this house was about as country as you can get without having to pack extra fuel to get there. Now? It's nothing but bad memories. Doesn't really matter-the banks (2 mortgages) are foreclosing at the end of this month. I'm not paying because my attorney said all that will accomplish, besides keeping my credit somewhat passable, is to, in essence, pay rent for her, and child & spousal support on top. The financial aspect-who cares? Money doesn't mean a whole lot to me-as long as I can feed myself & family & have a few bucks to spend on some fun family stuff, who needs anything more? I think EmC said it-I was in love with being married & a family guy, and she only represented that view. Once I gey over the hurt, I think that's what will come out of this more than anything-I'm somebody who loves to be a husband & a father. No, if she walked in here today, dropped to her knees and begged forgiveness, I think it would be one of the hardest things I'd have to do, but I think I would ask her to leave. I can't say it wouyld be dry-eyed, but very few of the last 90 days have been. It's all about my kids. I say that in plural. My son, obviously is the most vulnerable, but my 15 yr old step-daughter is at risk as well. Not only is she there, hormones raging, with a boy only a few years older, but, according to her father, told her father that the only reason she hasn't moved in with her dad is because "she fears for my son's safety". Now, that is a telling statement, I think, but blood is thicker than water & she's intimidated by her mother. We had our differences over the 7 years I was a part of her life, but in the past year we'd started getting along a lot better. I miss her, too. Then there's MY daughter. 19 and simply beautiful, inside and out. When this all went down, I took a weekend and went to my mom's. (they live in the same town 250 miles away.) My daughter has said she had some college friends coming, and she WOULD see me but didn't know fgor how long. I left her a voice mail saying that I really needed her, but I understood her plans and not to change them. She showed up at my mom's and my sister said "I thought you had plans?" My daughter answered, "yeah, but my Dad needs me more." She's been a saint through all this, and I'll never be able to repay her. I talked to her last night after I spoke to my son & she yelled at me because I was angry about only having 3 minutes with him, instead of cherishing those precious seconds. She's right. It's 3 minutes more than I've had in 50 days. She called me back and apologized, but I told her she was right. She also said that it hurt sometimes that I talk constantly about my son, when she also missed a lot with me growing up. I've felt bad about that for the past 3 months. I've been writing some poetry, something I can give my son when I see him, to let him know that no matter what's being said, I miss him and have not forgotten him. I've also written some for my daughter, to let her know she's not out of my thoughts for very long either. Anyway, I'm goring to post one I wtore for her today. Hope no one minds.
Whew! My fingers talk a lot! Thanks again to all-keep my in thoughts and prayers tonight-my 1st custody hearing is tomorrow morning.
Geoff
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Being defeated is only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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Geoff
[Quote]I was born and raised a country boy [Quote] Gee coming from Pennsylvania, I find this so hard to believe. LOL ;)
The difference between having someone leave you and burying someone you love, a loved one that passed away didn't leave you by choice, a spouse that leaves you, did. This is just my opinion but I think that's what makes it so hard for us.
Good luck tomorrow at your hearing. I will say a prayer for you. It's about time that something go your way!!!
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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SteelersJR1
addict
Reged: 10/03/05
Posts: 693
Loc: PA
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Kim, thanks for the wish and prayer. By the way, not ALL of PA is parking lots & sidewalks! Actually, I'm from a town of about 7000 just east of Youngstown, OH. Back there, back then, kids could be roaming the area without fear of freaks picking them up. Also, the road I grw up on wasn't paved until I was about 12! I'm praying that tomorrow, while I know it won't be the end, is at least a start in the right direction, and something to give me hope & a smile for. Thanks again,
Geoff
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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Geoff
Where did you grow up in PA?? I real familiar with the whole state. Remember when I go back home for a visit I drive from one end to the other. What a long state Pennsylvania is!!
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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SteelersJR1
addict
Reged: 10/03/05
Posts: 693
Loc: PA
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I was born in Titusville (home to the oil well? remember your elementary history?) & moved to Franklin, about 20 miles away when I was 14.
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Being defeated is only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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I agree Kim... unless a spouse dies due to suicide, they are not willingly leaving you. With the death of a spouse one can grieve without the feelings of rejection.
From a Browns fan to a Steelers fan... Hang in there. It is horrendous at first. Bit of my history, with stbx for 30 years when he left. Our marriage had its ups and downs, like all do, and I was totally in shock that he left . DId nto know it til later, but OW with him before he left. I finally filed for divorce 20 months after he left. Long drawn out process, he left in June 02 and divorce final in August of 05. I found this site about 1.5 years ago, and it has been a blessing to me. When I first came here and read that it gets better, it gave me hope however part of me thought that would not happen for me. I was wrong. Although I am older (um like almost 57) and my life and my future changed in an instant, I have found many positives. Still not real thrilled about the possibility of spending my retirement years alone, but can and will handle that. I am so very fortunate that our child, our son and only child, was 23 and on his own when ex left. I can't imagine what you are going through, but know that it has to be the pits. All I can say is hang in there, and post here and vent as often as you want. (you are not whining!)
Did I read that you are from the Pittsburgh area of PA? I grew up near Youngstown OH, which is just a short distance from the PA border. My Grandma was from the Pittsburgh area, real rural town of Coal Bluff, the "big city" near there is Monongahela (Mon) City. Grandma's cousin's son played for the Pirates, Bruce Del Canton (sp?) and Grandma of course was a Pirates and Steelers fan. The rest of our big bunch is all Browns, good or bad years we are there for them. So Grandma had to listen to a fair share of Pittsburgh bashing, but she gave it right back to us>
I found myself in Pittsburgh for an overnighter during a football play off game last winter, and since the Browns were not (really far out of it from the beginning of the season) I found myself gravitating from the restaurant to the lounge quite often to check out the score and was rooting for the Steelers.
Must be my age, sure can get off track. Will keep you in my prayers that you will soon be able to spend more time with your son. It is so wrong and unfair that you are not yet able to do so.
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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Karen
I'm from Pittsburgh, Geoff is from Carlisle Pa. When you visited the restaurants in Pittsburgh did you go to Penn Brewery? If not, the next time you go there check it out. It's a great German Pub, I used to work there. You'll enjoy it. As far as being a Browns fan, my condolences to you. Big time rivals of the Steelers. What happened to the Browns this year? Not that I'm one to talk after that Steeler game last week :( Cincinatti is killing us in our division. They don't seem to lose this year.
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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SteelersJR1
addict
Reged: 10/03/05
Posts: 693
Loc: PA
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Hi, Karen. Are Steelers fans even allowed to talk to Browns fans?? If you're from Youngstown, you must know Franklin, Oil City, Titusville, PA? Them's my old stompin' grounds. I used to go to Sharon when I was young & a party-er. There was a place there called the Quaker Steak & Lube-was an old Quaker State gas station they remodeled into a restaurant/bar. They made fantastic steak sandwiches-skewered steak with seasoning on a roll. Makes my mouth water now just thinking about it.
I think back & see all the precious time I wasted on stupid things-all the while missing my daughter grow. Thanks to her mother, who did an absolutely wonderful job as a mother, she's turned into a very special young lady-active in her church, active in the community and truly a blessing to me and her mother. What I fear most is the time it takes to finally "win" (I really don't think anyone ever wins in custody-there are only losers; mothers/fathers who lose part of their kids & themselves, and the kids who lose at least a parent & often a sense of security which I feel is pretty high priority, especially these days. Thanks to you & thank you for your prayers.
Geoff
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Kim, can't think of the name of the restaurant. Took my son and d-i-l to IKEA and we stayed near there. Was a really good restaurant. Damned those Bungles, er Bengals. I am now in central OH and our local TV shows either Browns or bungles, well Sunday we played the Ravens and of course the darned TV channel chose to show the Bungles. I listened to the game while trimming back my roses, grumbling to myself about the game and got caught doing so by one of my neighbors. I hate getting caught talking to myself. Actually for the way the seasons have been since we got our Browns back, this one was going well. I have faith in the new coach, but after Sunday am thinking the back up quarterback should get some playing time. Oh well, at least we have a team back after those few dry years. As we always say, there is next SUnday, or next year etc.
One our next trip to IKEA we will check out the place you mentioned. I love a good pub!
Karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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Well we're glad you got the Browns back too. Pittburghers always enjoyed the good rival. I'm fortunate because there is a bar just down the road the has the Steeler games on every week so I can go there to watch them play. Being in Ct. now I only get the Sunday night or Monday night games. Oh well. I'm sure the Browns will work their way back up and maybe the Steelers and Browns can go head to head all season. What fun.
Now if you go to Penn Brewery you have to keep in mind that their beer is 3x the alcohol level of a regular Bud, Miller, etc. Then if you get the Octoberfest beer, well watch out.
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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