kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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I know my stbx is self centered, selfish, uncaring and not worth the time of day, I still find myself every once in awhile really missing him. I miss what we was, what we had and what we lost. Why, knowing that he can rip out my heart and stomp on it without a second thought, just for his selfish reasons to be with someone else, do I miss this man, my worse enemy?? I don't want to wake up and think of the yesterdays. What we did, what we shared, what we were, how do I stop that? How do I learn to focus more on who he has become?
When did the world become such a selfish place where it was every man for himself? Where values and morals meant nothing? Where marriage was a convenience that we toss aside when we're done playing house? Have we become a society of self centered people. Do we now put our needs before others when we should put others needs before ours, where love is now a fantasy. And the reality is "happily after after" is only in fairy tales?
Look around us, is there anyone that believes in fighting to stay together? In exhausting everything before you say goodbye?
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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SteelersJR1
addict
Reged: 10/03/05
Posts: 693
Loc: PA
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Kim,
I know how you feel. I'm the same way. I don't think that, knowing now what my stbx has done in OUR past, I could ever again trust her. That's sad to realize, that someone you loved with all your heart, someone you desired to be with for the rest of your life, is not on the same road as you. If you sit down and think, really think about him, do you miss HIM, or do you miss the state of your life when things were good? (if ever). I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out for myself too. My brother is a recovering alcoholic and is in AA. He said his sponsor told him "quit thinking so much". Although it's very hard to do, it makes sense. There's nothing we can do to change the past, but EVERYTHING we can do to change the future. I'm a firm believer in the power of God who is directing our lives. We're hurting right now. Hurting beyond comprehension, but there will be a time when it will pass. There is a future for us all.
I've been trying to get to a DivorceSource group meeting at a church near here. I've tried for 3 weeks, but things keep coming up the day of the meetings. Last week, when I was going to go, an old friend & I went for dinner. I was going to eat, then go to the meeting, which started at 7pm. We talked at the restaurant until 830pm. I missed the meeting. But, in the course of our discussion, which by the way, was about my situation, I discover that he leads a divorce support group at his church. God closes one door, but before He does, he opens another. All we have to do is trust Him to lead us through the maze of life.
We're all going through, or have gone through, the same phase. It's hard to overcome. I had my son yesterday for the 1st time in 55 days. We had a fantastic time, but at the end, when I dropped him off to his mother, I had to think, why can't we all get in the van, go home, & be a family again? Why is this happening to us? Why did she have to do this? Why? Why? Why? (I hate that word). I don't have the answers. Maybe I never will, but if I can get myself to "stop thinking", I'll see that it will be OK.
My work puts out these little saying of the day. There have been several I've kept. One said "Gently remind yourself that life is ok the way it is, for now."
Keep your chin up.
Geoff
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alabama
enthusiast
Reged: 02/14/05
Posts: 228
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...I'll be g*ddamned if I'm gonna suck on the whiney vine of sadness...
Kim, Geoff...I feel the same way...plain and simple buddies...it really sucks sometimes...thank you dear sweet lord for this board...I'm never alone...I never have to think I'm the only one who feels this crappy emotional b*llsh*t...
BUT...I've got a 5 hour rule in place for the f*ck*n frazzelies and outofsortsies...
I'll let myself drool in pity for awhile...but after 5 hours...if I ain't feeling better...fur is gonna fly...I will get my nasty butt out and about...whatever the h*ll it takes...
...Hey...Geoff...the idea is not to "STOP thinking"...but to start thinking about other things...
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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you show up out of no where.....how do you do that? I agree with you that stop thinking won't work, you have to think of something else. But sometimes that doesn't work either. Five hour rule.......nice, but hopefully this won't take that long to shake.
Hugs
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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alabama
enthusiast
Reged: 02/14/05
Posts: 228
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...well, what I've noticed...is that by timing how long I feel crappy...I've found that my easily distracted mind will usually wander out of the valley of suckiness in less than an hour...
...it usually goes something like this..."oh..I feel so bad...everyone is so happy and I feel like sh*t warmed over...why can't I be with someone..."............................"oh...wait...did I leave my BEST OF LYNYRD SKYNYRD in the truck...hey...since I'm going out to the truck I might as well head on over to Subway and get me a footlong Subway melt...oh damn...baseball tonight...beer in the fridge...oh...life is good"...
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Dear Kim,
As you know, I am at the fortunate place of not missing my ex-husband. I can find humor now in things he's done, in some ways, and see him clearly for who he really is. However, I do still get hung up on just the daily hard things that happen in life, that seem to sometimes get amplified because of having lived through the hard times of divorce. I think what I miss most and maybe you too, is just having that special someone in your life to share life with. In the good and bad times... The loneliness comes in not having that.
I agree with Alabama, the board is a wonderful lifeline to others who understand our struggles, someone else who can commiserate with us, cheer us on, support us and be compassionate, understanding all our mixed emotions still at times.
Hugs,
Lori
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Hi "Bama",
You always make me laugh, thank you for that!
Hugs,
Lori
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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I'm sad, how do I shake the blues?? Oh..........it's 12:10 Steelers in 50 minutes. Gotta head out to my mustang and go to Fiddlers. Yeah, thats the local bar that has the Steeler game on and lots of Steeler fans. Oh and let's not forget.....drinks!!!
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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You're right, how I miss sharing my good times and bad with my stbx. Nobody to talk to, but that's not exactly true, is it?? I do have you guys and I gotta say, you listen better than he did :)
Welcome back Lori!!!
Hugs
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Kim.
LOL! Yes, head to the bar, watch the game, and have some fun! As you know, I did that this week too with a bunch of my classmates. Had my first ever experience at "Hooters", with hot wings and beer. It was so much fun!!! It just helps to get out with other people, laugh until it hurts and just unwind.
Bottoms up!
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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