kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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I will have a drink to your return Lori.
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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passem
addict
Reged: 06/26/04
Posts: 463
Loc: Left Coast
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[quote] Look around us, is there anyone that believes in fighting to stay together? In exhausting everything before you say goodbye? [/quote]
I did. The ex didn't. End of story.
If anything happened between my wife and me I'm confident that both of us would leave no stone unturned to make it work and would call it quits only if all our efforts resulted in nada. We take our commitment to one asnother and our marriage very seriously, especially considering our ages. But most of all, because we truly love one another and were great friends first, and remain so.
Divorce would only be an option under two circumstances ~~ abuse of any kind and/or infidelity.
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Depression is merely anger without passion!
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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I agree wholeheartedly, thus why I filed over 4 years ago. I stayed with it for 18 years, only for the same things to keep happening over and over. I finally just had enough.
I truly hope that one day I will meet someone that I become friends with first, then the rest can or cannot follow. But, even if it doesn't, I'll hopefully still have a friend in the end.
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SteelersJR1
addict
Reged: 10/03/05
Posts: 693
Loc: PA
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Kim,
After I replied this morning, I went to church. It's the church "we" used to go to. It's about the 6th time I've been there since the separation. Today was no different than the other 5-I cried just listening to the music. The pastor, who knows my issues, seemed to be looking directly at me when he said "Give your troubles to God. Let Him help you through whatever is is you're dealing with". More tears. We greet each other; 2 people we were close to as a couple hugged me. "Keep your chin up". "Hang in there". So now this afternoon is a bust. I've been on a high since yesterday I saw my son for the first time in almost 2 months. That was wonderful, but when I dropped him off, I couldn't help thinking about us as a family. Then, today, the last hymn we sung in church was titled "Sinner, Come Home", so I'm trying not to let it loose, but thinking about my family "coming home". There are some things that will never allow me to not think about this, smells, sounds, places, etc.
I'd like to just get frozen cyrogenically & wake up about a year or 18 months from now & have all this sadness & heartache be over.
Geoff
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Being defeated is only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
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passem
addict
Reged: 06/26/04
Posts: 463
Loc: Left Coast
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I think that's what's important. Peggy and I would always have been friends because we admired and respected one anotherat work and enhanced each other professionally. Never in my wildest imaginigs did I, for five years, think we'd end up together.
It just happened and I'm convinced that sometimes, that's the best way. It's like Candid Camera ~~ "One day, when you least expect it, someone's going to walk up to you and..."
[quote] only for the same things to keep happening over and over [/quote]
I'm proof positive that the defiition of insanity is correct ~~ doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! I did for 25 years. You're way ahead of me, Lori!
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Depression is merely anger without passion!
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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A few drinks and a Steeler victory and I'm feeling much better.
Thanks guys. It's so easy to go down memory lane and miss what is gone.
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Hi Geoff,
I empathize, but the only way to get past the pain is to go through it. There are no short cuts or "easy" buttons to push. You will be amazed when you get a year, two, or even five years out, how much you've grown and changed for the better, because of it all. I know that's hard to see or realize right now, but it will happen... Trust me, it will.
In the meantime, that's what we are all here for, to help each other. We each have our own unique experiences, that help others here in their own unique ways. We are all survivors!
Hugs to you,
Lori
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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You have the wisest words. And you're a good example of moving on and finding love again.
Do me a favor..........give your wife an extra kiss and hug tonight, just because
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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passem
addict
Reged: 06/26/04
Posts: 463
Loc: Left Coast
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Be happy to. Her mother ended up in the hospital yesterday (still there) so she (wife, not MIL) can use the hugs.
Here's one for you too (((((hug)))))!
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Depression is merely anger without passion!
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Hi Kim,
My ex-husband called here this afternoon, to ask to see the boys for dinner tomorrow night. Once again, he called with just a little over 24 hours notice, which is totally against our visitation agreement. As usual, I was agreeable and accommodating, for my boys sake. He was friendly as usual. I had called him earlier this week and left him a message, again that our oldest son was having problems and asked if he'd call him, he never did. He never even called me to inquire about what the problems were. He brought it up today, saying he's tried to call our son, but was unable to get through to him each time. I re-gave him his cell phone number and he then proceeded not to call our son again. This is why I don't miss him...
I also told my ex-husband about our dog, Cole. I thought he should know. This was our dog together. He bought Cole for me, after one of his disappearing acts in 1998, where he just vanished at the time for 5 months, off having an affair and then came back again. Then soon after his return, he bought Cole for us. My ex-husbands reaction to the news was very non-emotional and unsympathetic. This is another reason I don't miss him...
I've thought a lot today about the man I dated for almost a year, got very serious with and then broke things off with him back in early February. I thought about calling him today and telling him about the dogs. He loved both of them very much and he would be very sorry to hear the news and would be very sympathetic. I caught myself before I did it. As much as I'd like to tell him, talk with him, hear how he is doing, I couldn't bring myself to go there. He, at least, I have very fond memories of, even if at times he made my life nuts. There is a part of me that still loves him, misses him, but knows he just isn't good for me.
It's been a weekend of very hard emotions. The loneliness gets the better of me often too, especially after having had hard and stressful things happen, when you just want to reach out, have someone to hug and know they care. The difference is, my ex-husband never crosses my mind in that capacity anymore.
Lori
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