sadie46
member
Reged: 04/21/06
Posts: 186
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I need to know what is right in my mind if this is normal in divorces. We all know the hurt and anger that divorce brings. My ex started abusing me and playing really horrible games emotionally and mentally towards the end of our marriage. He continued placing blame on me as if I was the bad one, but in reality he wanted out so to make me look bad the abuse started. The divorce and those years prior were filled with lies on top of lies. Fraud etc. Was a very bitter divorce. Once the divorce was over, I thought now I have to start my healing process. Hard to do that during the divorce. Within a few weeks ex wouldn't abide by the order....saying he didn't give a rat about what it said. I tried explain that it was an order. Months and months of trying to get him to do our property division and all he does is threaten me saying I am harassing him. His verbal abuse is never ending. I call and have sent emails but to no avail. I don't trust lawyers to take care of things either. My ex is a narcassist and he really does scare me. He has lied so much about what is reality, I don't even know what is real. It's like a kind of brainwashing he is doing to me. I feel like I am going nuts with him. They say to not have any contact with people like him...they feed off you and it is their intent to twist the truth. I don't want to have to resort to constantly filing against him. I had to do it last fall. He basically laughs at all of it. I feel that him doing all of this is abuse and harassment to me, not the other way around. What do you think? Do you think that a Judge would look at it that way and if I brought out the verbal/physical abuse that he would get in trouble? Surely Judges have seen men/women that do these kinds of things and can spot a narcissist. Do they ever get punished and am I going to have to start recording/documenting everything when dealing with him? This is one thing that sticks in my mind. He said on the phone when I told him...please do what you agreed/ordered and if he doesn't he would have to talk to the Judge. He says to me.."I don't give a fat f*** what a Judge says or that f***** decree. I wished that I had taped it to show how arrogant he is. It is mind boogling to see this kind of disrespect. I don't know who my ex is...like he went off the deep end. The behavior is erratic/not normal to me. He also files really fraudulent tax returns and thinks he will not get caught there as well.
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motorboater
old hand
Reged: 03/14/08
Posts: 921
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Well every divorce is different but I guarantee everything you've listed has happened many times to many people in many divorces already, in various combinations. So I guess you have a normal, ugly, divorce.
I think that if he is not following an order, the judge would NOT look the other way; in fact that's what you should have done the first time it wasn't followed and any time in the future its not followed; take it to your legal counsel and take action.
Verbal abuse over the phone when you tell him to follow the order is likely NOT the big deal to the judge; its the fact that the order is not followed.
So here's what you do: don't talk to him. From what you say it sounds like you could live your life and not talk to him. No kids to hand back and forth, right?
If he calls you can hang up. Or if you're feeling generous, listen to him right up until the abuse starts, then hang up. See? You don't have to take it then complain about it.
If he pursues you and whatnot, you have a whole new can of worms, but it sounds like you don't like each other so leave him alone. Probably better for your recovery than dreaming of taping him and playing it back for a judge, imo.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Yup. Stop dealing with him and continue to file through the courts. Eventually, they do get punished, but its a long process...THROUGH THE COURTS. The back and forth between the two of you doesn't speed up the process, it just drags it out longer and makes it harder to deal with. Also, documenting everything is never a bad idea. I'd start doing it. And check the recording laws of your state. If you're a one-party state, start recording all communications between the two of you. If you're two-party, tell him up front you're going to record or let the answering machine pickup. If he continues, he's consenting to being recorded.
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Char Fox
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