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freedom123
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Reged: 05/21/07
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Re: Why do people think CS is enough??? [Re: accesskas]
      #387602 - 04/10/08 12:30 AM

IMO, nearly every situation is different. People are people whether they are NCPs or CPs. There are honorable people and dishonorable people in this world and variations in between. A wonderful situation is when you have an honorable NCP and CP...but it doesn't always happen like that. I personally don't care that my x doesn't provide any help towards extras...heck he didn't even give daughter a birthday gift or card so I knew for sure that he wasn't going to contribute when she went on a class trip to Washington DC. IMO, he's giving up quite the gift that I have in our children. On the flip side, I'm in the schools so I also see CPs who definitely take advantage of having custody of their children...besides NCPs who show no concern for their children, both shown in different ways. Arguing over who has it worse is like teachers in my school arguing over who has the hardest grade to teach (believe me, although they don't do it out loud, they complain about what others teachers AREN'T doing all the time and think that their grade level is the most challenging to deal with)...each grade has it's advantages and challenges. However I teach ALL of the students and know certain CLASSES, not grade levels, are more challenging than others simply because of individual situations...just like an individual's situation is going to determine the challenge or ease of being a NCP or CP.

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Relayer
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Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
Re: Why do people think CS is enough??? [Re: BeckaLeigh]
      #387615 - 04/10/08 04:55 AM

[quote]I realize CS is all you are ordered to pay. That's all that is enforcable. Cool. But, I hear about NCPs giving CPs reciepts for reimbursement for haircuts, meds, etc.... I cant see that. If we take my SS for a haircut, or buy him clothes, or Tylenol, do I expect BM to reimburse us? No. What we spend on him when he is with us is OUR choice. Maybe not meds, but what is $10 in the grand scheme of things? When you get into meds like my DD11 is on, that costs $404 for a 30 day supply, I can understand that. But, CS doesnt cover all expenses of the children. Sometimes, it doesnt even make much of a dent in it. I see SPs come on here and bytch because their spouse is being asked to help with extra expenses and say that is what CS is for. I dont understand the mindset of those. Maybe someone could help me understand? And not just the "we cant afford it" crap either. There are alot of things we cant "afford" at the moment but come he!! or high water, if my kids or SS need it, they are going to get it one way or another. Just because we cut a check every month for my SS doesnt mean we are financially done in my mind. [/quote]

Unfortunately, it probably is as simple as what someone can afford. For some people, the guidelines are very oppressive and has driven the NCP to the bring of poverty or below.

Think of the poor guy who earns $30K a year w/2 kids. After taxes and CS, his income is around $16K. Hard to pay $6k+ a year in CS, live off of $16K and pay for any kinds of extra's.

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KentuckySm
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Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 773
Re: Why do people think CS is enough??? [Re: Relayer]
      #387619 - 04/10/08 06:27 AM

My SO is that way now. 3 boys. He makes around $33,280 a year. He brings home around $11,960 a year after taxes and child support. But he is lucky he had put in the divorce that he claims all 3 boys on his taxes as long as she is not working. Once she works at least 6 months out of the year full time then they switch off and she claims 2 then him 1 and the year after it switches. And yes every stitch of that tax money goes to the boys through out the year.

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BeckaLeigh
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Reged: 06/08/05
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Re: Why do people think CS is enough??? [Re: RedskinFan]
      #387721 - 04/10/08 12:20 PM

I meant, why do some people think that is ALL an NCP has to do. My wording sucked, I know. I apologize. I wasnt trying to lump everyone in there. it's hard to know how I meant it, I know. Sorry.

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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


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BeckaLeigh
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Re: Why do people think CS is enough??? [Re: matilda]
      #387728 - 04/10/08 12:28 PM

See, that is where I disagree. I think we should alternate years on taking the tax exemption for K, but BM refuses and I am not going to pitch a fit over it. I mean, technically, we support K more than she does, but I am not about to take it to court to get the CO changed, if the judge would even do that. I think that is soooo unfair.

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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


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BeckaLeigh
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Re: Why do people think CS is enough??? [Re: Cassie23]
      #387733 - 04/10/08 12:34 PM

See, Cassie, that is where we fit in. I am a CP BM and a NCP SM. I get no CS from X, he is over $10,000 behind, so that doesnt even enter into it. We cover all of my kids expenses with no help from anyone. We also pay roughly $650/mth in CS. We spend approximately $200 extra on SS a month. Not because BM usually asks, but because we can. So, we have both sides of the coin on the wishing NCPs could be CPs for a little while. I know you werent particularly talking to me. I am just telling you my situation. :)

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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


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BeckaLeigh
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Re: Why do people think CS is enough??? [Re: ssmom79]
      #387737 - 04/10/08 12:37 PM

I didnt mean that all ncps cut a check and are done. I meant why do some think that is ALL there is to it. I worded it wrong, I realized that. It sounded right at the time, but there are so many ways it could be taken and alot of people instantly thought it was the wrong way. And you last sentence about being grouped into that cut and check and be done, I am the same way. I dont want to be grouped into it either. We go far and away above CS every month.

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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


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BeckaLeigh
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Clarification.... [Re: BeckaLeigh]
      #387739 - 04/10/08 12:44 PM

I didnt mean ALL NCPs are that way. I didnt mean those situations where the BM demands you go for broke because SHE wants something. I am talking about the SP's who come on here and bytch because the child(ren) NEED something extra and BM truly cant afford it. I am an NCP SM and a CP BM. I see both sides of the coin. So, I am NOT talking about those who have X's who spend all the CS on themselves, or those who demand NCP send them money. I am talking about those who ask for reimbursement for stupid things. Those who think they should be reimbursed for anything they buy the kids of their own free will. Those who want to hurt the X and in doing so, hurt their own kids.

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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.


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accesskas
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Reged: 08/22/05
Posts: 209
Loc: Missouri
Re: Why do people think CS is enough??? [Re: BeckaLeigh]
      #387743 - 04/10/08 12:47 PM

IMO child support isn't enough, but what child's parents in an average household have enough money to do all the things that they want/need to be done. It's sad my 2 little boys have parents that are together but they aren't guaranteed 644.00 a month to be taken care of, but my SS because he is from a divorced family is "guaranteed" by the state the same standard of living he would have had, even though no one can say he would have had that for the rest of his childhood. When it comes to being a parent you do what you need to do, you make sacrifices when you need to make sacrifices. My mom was a widow and raised 4 kids by herself with one income that wasn't very much, and we made it. So I get angry when my SS's mom calls after we have given her 644 and says she needs us to help with such and such....

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Tweeby
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Re: Why do people think CS is enough??? [Re: BeckaLeigh]
      #387759 - 04/10/08 01:06 PM

The problem with these type of boards is that majority of the time there are extremes, that is why we are here.

Usually is the CP who has a NCP who won't pay CS, hardly ever takes the kids, or won't do a thing above the CO (much less follow the CO). Or it is the NCP who has a CP who is a control freak who won't let them see the kids and uses them like an ATM and has problems following the CO.

Because of blended and mixed families there are some posters who DO have a co-parenting relationship with the other parent even after divorce but that poster usually has an exteme problem in their lives (their own ex or their SO ex). But majority of the posters have an exteme in their lives, otherwise why would they come looking for "help" on an internet dicussion board? I'm talking about the longer term posters not the ones who ask a question or two and leave never to come back.

So when you ask a question like you did someone may possibly be offended because we most likely living in the extreme situations.

You may have no problem paying CS and paying for needs and extra for the child(ren) but others may not. There are also different belief's of posters.

Most people want to raise their children their own way without interverence of a 3rd party (court or the other parent). But the reason WHY the courts have to get so involved is because of the extremes. Take my husband's situation for an example: MOST people would say that a child getting an education (a HS diploma) is very important. Well my husband's ex didn't think school was important and hardly sent the kids to school. My husband had a year long custody battle with his ex over this issue. He receive custody of only their YS because their OS was too old to have custody changed (17 1/2 yo at the custody trial). Sometimes common sense is not that common. Why did it take a year? Because all of the BS that his ex pulled plus the court couldn't believe my husband's claims because of our State Laws. We have a law that if a child misses so many days of school than the parent is to be charge with failure to send a child to school. BUT the school principal testified that she tried to get the school district to press charges but because this was not a violent situation the school district didn't have the money to take the BM to court.

There WAS a State law to protect the children but where it is needed the most they don't enforce the law. The court also didn't believe that my husband was blocked from getting the school records UNTIL the court was unable to get the school records.

See there are extremes in posters situations. So my husband was paying CS but the BASIC needs of the children were not being met. My husband had to help at times by giving the CP money for food and he bought the kids clothings but she wasn't doing something as basic as sending them to school. Oh yeah, the court also stated that the BM interferred with the relationship between the children and Dad, so he was paying his CS plus giving her extra and she was badmouthing him. In situations like this YES there is resentment in paying CS and giving money for extra.


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