kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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You're absolutely right Karen. I look forward to the day that I can look back at things with happiness and not sadness. In time, right?
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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It does come with time Kim, I promise. In my case, we'd separated before in 1998 for 5 months and I got out a lot of the deep rooted sorrow then. I found out I could survive and I would. When things happened all over again in 2001, I'd already had a dress rehearsal of sorts and I was much stronger. It made moving on much easier.
People say it takes a good 5 years to fully recover from a divorce and I think it's true. Too many people run right out, get involved with someone new, too quickly and then end right back up in another bad relationship. We all need time to heal and it seems impossible at the time that it ever will happen, but it does.
Hugs,
Lori
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Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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I don't have any gems of wisdom at how disposable we become once our partners leave. I have gone through the hurt, the betrayal, the endless questions of why, analyzing it...etc I think thats normal for most although I have met some people that seem to just say f*&k it! and move on...but for most thats not the case. And intellectually we do know what they are but for some reason we still can't marry up the emotional trauma with the reality of knowing they are into themselves...from my experience time is what does the most healing....as time passes it hurts less...we do move on and pick up the pieces and start living without them. Some do it with new partners, which seems to be a good heal for those that do. Some of us take longer and have trust issues that a new partner may not be the answer right away, you know those rebound relationships. Friends, hobbies, counseling, family, etc will help ease the passage but again time is the biggest healer and sometimes no contact unless necessary. We do get through this somehow and for some we come out stronger and more directed than ever before and thats a good thing! hang in there.
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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And I have to add that some of us are so far out of the dating pool that a new partner is probably not an option. Very few places to meet them and age puts me over the hump. That's only a minor complaint, because I have a very full life without a partner. I DO know that in a few years, I might be feeling the emptiness of an empty-nester, but that's a whole different thing. Just that without a spouse, it will be twice as lonely.
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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Annie
I agree with you, time is a big healer. But I don't know that it ever really goes away, does it? There will always be a day that you stop and think what was.......
Nancy
How exactly do we get past the age thing. Do I leave this board and start looking for the 60 year old man on "match.com"? 40 something woman seeks man in his 60. Must enjoy romantic evenings by the fire, candle lit dinners etc....LOL. Sorry I don't think I can do that. Maybe we need a role reversal here. I want to be like the men. 40 something seeks man in his 20's, watch out Demi. Ha!! Seriously where do you go to find men our age? Certainly not the bars, not that thats a good place to look for a man but most of them are 25 or younger in the bars. Church? Most people in our age group at church are happily married (if there is such a thing) Maybe staying single isn't so bad.
Kim
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
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Kim
37 too old for ya? ;) I've looked into Match.com. It's kinda depressing. I actually pulled my profile, simpley because I felt like I was forcing things, when i'm still knitting up, etc. I was married to a woman 6 years my junior, and recently had a wonderful, passionate affair with a woman 5 years older. Turns out, that when it works, age doesn't matter - at least not in my book. Go after the men that turn you on, regardless of age. You might be surprised at what you find...
These are indeed strange days. Yes, we all have to cope with our past. And yes, I still wake up at 3 AM thinking about her, what she's doing, if she's OK. But, as an older man, I had that role down pat. She grew out of it. It's time i did too....
You just never know what's around the next bend. But, moving forward is the only option, so grit your teeth, and stomp on it!!
- SF
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Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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Sorry sandflea, 37 is just a little too old for me LOL.
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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NancyD
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 2105
Loc: New York
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I have a rule. It's called the Rule of Conception: If he's old enough to have conceived me, he's too old. If I'm old enough to have concenived HIM, he's too young.
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kav
old hand
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 816
Loc: NC
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That's a good rule Nancy
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Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.
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sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
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Damn Kav - I don't look 37! Especially with the lights out ;)
I have a rule too. If you and I look at each other, smile, blush, and there's a spark. Then what the hell... The Rule of Copulation! Make Love, Not War!
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Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
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