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hurthubby
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Reged: 05/16/08
Posts: 23
telling spouses c.o. about affair
      #402523 - 05/16/08 12:56 AM

I have a question. My spouse has cheated on me (she is guard) with another guy..he is active duty. I really want to tell thier c.o.s about the affair but I want to know the consequences of my actions. She is very blantant and open about her actions..like nothing has happened, but i have proof (emails and photos) of the affair. Kids are involved and Im not working atm. Could someone give me alittle advice? Im trying to work it out but I think its done..I hope not for the kids sake.

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Jacob
journeyman


Reged: 05/12/08
Posts: 63
Re: telling spouses c.o. about affair [Re: hurthubby]
      #402541 - 05/16/08 06:47 AM

She is considered a civilian except while on drill or annual training (or on title 10 orders) so the Guard won't do anything. Now, the guy is different. You can contact his unit and inform them that he is messing with your wife and request that the CO bar them from contact. It is a big deal. Plus, if he's a recruiter, he will be pulled off recruiting duty pretty much immediately.

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hurthubby
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Reged: 05/16/08
Posts: 23
Re: telling spouses c.o. about affair [Re: Jacob]
      #402554 - 05/16/08 07:24 AM

ok ty for the reply..real quik...hes a sfc and a nco.yeah I know..some leader huh...and I may have proof of her fratting with members of her unit. what do you think her co would to her? And what if they do not stop seeing each other? ty in advance

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Jacob
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Reged: 05/12/08
Posts: 63
Re: telling spouses c.o. about affair [Re: hurthubby]
      #402559 - 05/16/08 07:42 AM

Guard units really want to stay out of the soldiers private lives. You can request to speak to the CO for each of them and explain the situation...i.e. you are trying to put your marriage back together and SFC whoever is doing whatever. Present evidence and request that an order for no contact be given. (evidence will seal the deal usually). Her CO, you could inform him of the situation. They will at that point(usually)counsel her on her actions and try to help (they are very limited on what they can do - not much money, programs, etc but there might be some out there). Like i said though, the Guard doesn't like to get involved at all since they are citizens first, soldiers second.

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hurthubby
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Reged: 05/16/08
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Re: telling spouses c.o. about affair [Re: Jacob]
      #402621 - 05/16/08 10:22 AM

I have this to add..and thx jacob. Im really on the fence about what I want to come out of this. Some days I want to stick it to both of them and put them in the brig for a year..if possible, and sometimes i miss her with all my heart. we have 2 kids together and she acts like nothing she did was wrong. she lives with the guy, comes by every once in a while, and then goes with her new life. man, im stuck.

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Jacob
journeyman


Reged: 05/12/08
Posts: 63
Re: telling spouses c.o. about affair [Re: hurthubby]
      #402634 - 05/16/08 11:00 AM

Do you have the kids?

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hurthubby
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Reged: 05/16/08
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Re: telling spouses c.o. about affair [Re: Jacob]
      #402919 - 05/16/08 06:35 PM

yes i do. and the lease we have at our apt is in both our names. she acts like nothing has happened..and she wants to co exist..whatever that means

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Miranda
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Reged: 06/02/05
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Re: telling spouses c.o. about affair [Re: hurthubby]
      #403165 - 05/17/08 04:55 PM

Why don't you contact his CO? It is pretty ballsy to be an Active duty SFC and be living with and sleeping with some other man's wife.

You need to file for divorce and ask for custody of the kids and the house. Then when you get it, she is not allowed to enter and exit as she pleases.

--------------------
13.1...because I am only half crazy!


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hurthubby
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Reged: 05/16/08
Posts: 23
Re: telling spouses c.o. about affair [Re: Miranda]
      #403305 - 05/17/08 11:50 PM

ty for the feedback. thing is, she knows im a nice guy.in fact, shes banking on me not to go that route because she has so much riding on his coattails(new house-new life) she has promised to make my life miserable if I try anything.the bad news is that i tried the spiritual way..and boy did I get the runaround..not that all of it is bad..it did help alittle..and at least some of my faith is restored/we are just to much tied to the hip with stuff..and she knows it. its like all the perks of having a babysitter and housemaid with none of the respondsibility..im more confused now more than ever

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Jacob
journeyman


Reged: 05/12/08
Posts: 63
Re: telling spouses c.o. about affair [Re: hurthubby]
      #403308 - 05/18/08 12:18 AM

Nice guys finish last. From what I can tell, you have already conceded defeat. Get a lawyer and fight. She ruined your family and trust. She has already made your life miserable, you need to give her back some of it.

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