whattodonow
recently joined
Reged: 11/02/05
Posts: 7
|
|
I've just started reading posts here and thought I could get a good idea of what to expect and what I should be doing by posting with you.
My husband and I will be married for 10 years this coming February. We live in Georgia. We have a 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter. He is 35 yrs old and I am 32. My husband has decided he is sure he wants a divorce and is planning on moving out by the end of this month. He is for the most part a fair man but is just simply not happy with me or our life together. I have convinced him numerous times in the past couple of months to keep trying for a few more weeks and see if his feelings change. They haven't. If he moves out I don't want things to linger on and want to get things finalized as quick as possible. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked since I was pregnant with my first child (about 8 years ago). I am very involved in my kids schools and very happy with my life the way it is other then our marriage. So much is going to change for me and my kids and I just don't know where to begin with anything. My husband makes about $80,000 a year and with me not working we have always lived on a very tight budget. I certainly do not have any money for an attorney and he doesn't either but he will be able to get money from his parents. He doesn't have a collage education and I have a 2 year associate degree in business but since getting that I haven't done anything with it. I am terrified of finding a way to make it by with money issues by myself and I feel lost at the thought of trying to find a job. My kids are not going to understand this at all, when we are all together we get along as good as possible for our kids sake and I truly do not think they have any idea what's going to be happening. They've always had me home and involved with what they do. My husband works a lot of hours so really isn't home but maybe 2 or 3 nights a week. I admit I am pretty selfish with my kids and can't imagine them living with their dad if only on weekends. That sounds terrible I know. I certainly want them to have a wonderful relationship with their dad but just can't imagine what all this is going to be like. I would love any suggestions on what you think I can expect as far as child custody issues and child support issues and maybe even alimony. Is there something I should be doing now to prepare or am I just supposed to wait until after he moves out and see what his next step is? Thanks for any suggestions or advice.
|
hippie1981
veteran
Reged: 09/27/05
Posts: 1304
Loc: Wisconsin
|
|
Since you have been a stay at home mom for many years, you can expect to get alimony and child support. The most likely scenario is that a judge will award joint custody with 50/50 placement.
|
whattodonow
recently joined
Reged: 11/02/05
Posts: 7
|
|
THanks for your thoughts! Does joint custody 50/50 mean no child support? I've tried looking online to learn more about custody issues but so much of it doesn't make since. I've read about joint legal custody with primary physical custody oh I don't know there's just so much but thanks again.
|
Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
|
|
The first thing I would recommend is that you get a job. I know that you love working in your children's school, but if you are on a tight budget at $80K, imagine what it's going to be like after he moves out. Think of the best financial arrangement possible after the divorce......picture yourself getting the house, child support and spousal support. Do you have enough to live on? Probably not. So....a job now, rather than a job later, is smart. If you have a little room to breathe, you can be more selective about employment choices....rather than be forced to take a job you don't really want because you need to buy groceries.
Next, I would look into some college classes to either refresh your Associates or complete a Bachelors. Even if you don't attend immediately, you need to have a plan for your future. After 10 years of marriage, I would guess that you will receive rehabilitative spousal support for a set period of time. So.....having some kind of plan that's realistic is essential. Many colleges offer classes online that would allow you to do most (if not all) of the coursework from home. There are several national scholarships for women reentering the workforce, if cost is a concern.
Then, I would look into individual and/or family counseling to help you get through this period. Divorce stinks at any time, but right before the holidays is going to be tough.
The actual divorce is going to depend a lot on how amicable the two of you can be. It will be a LOT cheaper if you can try very hard to come to terms on your own and ask an attorney to draw up the papers. I would suggest that you allow another attorney to review the papers before making anything final...as a second opinion, if you will.
If his work schedule doesn't allow him to be around much now, what are the odds that he could rearrange things to be around more....in order to parent his children? If you can make it work, 50/50 custody is the best thing for the children. They need as much access as possible to both of you. Every other weekend just isn't enough for a healthy relationship. On the upside for you, 50/50 would allow you to work some mommy-guilt-free hours or to attend an evening class, or two.
If you share 50/50, but still have a large difference in income, you would still be awarded child support. I can't find anything that says that GA supports a shared parenting CS table....so someone may be awarded "primary" custody.
You can find Georgia code here: http://www.legis.state.ga.us/cgi-bin/gl_codes_detail.pl?code=1-1-1
You want to click on Chapter 19 (19-6-15 for child support)
There is a basic child support calculator here: http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/ChildSupport/georgia/
There's a lot of good information here: http://www.gadivorceonline.com/
|
passem
addict
Reged: 06/26/04
Posts: 463
Loc: Left Coast
|
|
once you're married for 10 years (so stall any final divorce order until after your 10th anniversary), you will be entitled to half the amount of his Social Security if your own comes up less than that when you reach retirement age. I know that sounds a long way off but with his earning capacity, it could make a big difference later down the road. It won't diminish what he'll be able to collect but could enhance yours.
Just something to think about.
In the meantime, gather up and make copies of all legal and financial documents, especially property deeds or receipts and take photos of joint belongings of note. Make sure you can prove all marital assets.
--------------------
Depression is merely anger without passion!
|
Tabitha
addict
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 481
|
|
Please, before you do anything, go see a few different attorneys (most of them will give a free consultation.) I know a job sounds like a good idea, but when I was going through my divorce, my attorney recommended not making any changes until I filed and had temporary custody and support set. People on this site can give great advice, but having a good attorney is invaluable. Your STBX (soon to be ex) probably already has one. I don't want to scare you, but divorce can get very, very ugly and frequently the kind person you once knew is no where to be found. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please make sure that you protect your own interests, because as nice as your husband might seem, he will most definitely be looking after his own.
--------------------
"You never really know a person until you divorce them."
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
Might I suggest that you print off your state's laws and present them to your husband. Show him that not only will he be paying a large chunk to you in child support, but he will lose half of everything, including possibly his retirement. Along with, you may expect to even receive alimony. So if you're on a tight budget now, now he's going to be looking at supporting two households. He'll likely end up living in a small apartment and being on an even tighter budget. Not to mention he may be responsible for BOTH of your attorney fees since you do not work.
Now...ask him if it would be cheaper to go through marriage counseling to be absolutely sure first, or to spend this kind of money and find out years later that he may have made a mistake.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
No way they could manage to get a divorce by February...which marks their 10th year.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
|
|
Right on that Char... however if one files prior to Feb. and then petitions the court or social security admin. to use the date of separation as the ending date regarding her rights to social benefits and gains approval, wouldn't that mean the loss of her share of his social?. I don't know the ins and outs or laws of social security though, just thinking possible worst case scenario.
Hope your little one is doing well.
Karen
--------------------
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
|
whattodonow
recently joined
Reged: 11/02/05
Posts: 7
|
|
Thank you all so much for you reply. You make a lot of sense. Thanks for those links to I will definitely be checking those out. Does 50/50 custody mean the kids will live with me one week then him one week or something like that?
I think we can be amicable for the most part but if we were to just see one attorney together how or who would figure out the exact child support money and alimony? Is that something we do between ourselves? What about day care that my kids will no doubt have to go to now, am I expected to pay that now. My kids have never been in daycare they are going to be devastated. We do not have any family close by (Florida is the closest) so I guess maybe thinking about moving to Florida is something to consider but then my husbands job is here. If we do the 50/50 do we have to stay here? I just can't imagine how all of this gets figured out.
I can only imagine how this can turn very ugly. I think we both agree that we want things as easy as possible if nothing else but the kids sake. Our kids are my life and as long as he doesn't jeopardize anything with that I'm willing to work anything else out. he knows that's my weak link So I am a little worried he will use that. About 3 years ago I really messed up and I'm terrified he will bring it all up. I know he doesn't want total custody though so I'm hoping that part of my life will be left alone. About 3 years ago I had a few surgeries and allowed myself to get addicted to prescription pain pills. I went on to get them illegally from pharmacies and was caught and arrested. I know you probably all think how can a loving mom do something like that. I have learned my lesson and never want to go there again. I've always been a good person and have never ever been in any other trouble at all. My husband I don't think has ever truly forgiven me for that. I just wanted it to be know in case you thought this could affect anything now.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
