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rocketgirl
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Teenager Angst...
      #413752 - 06/15/08 02:08 PM

How do you of those with teens do it? This weekend w/OS14 has been the weekend from HELL...

Yesterday, he didn't want to go swimming with me and YS.. he had a sunburn from earlier in the week so I said fine.. no big deal. I told him I didn't want him laying around doing nothing, he needed to clean his room, help his stepdad outside with whatever he needed done, etc.

I come home and he is laying on his butt in front of the TV. Ask hubby if he helped him and he said... Uh.. no. He came out and asked what I was doing (stacking wood), said "Oh", and turned around and went back inside. Then had the nerve to ask hubby what he could have for lunch and what was for dinner? Ugh... I have just never seen such laziness and absolutely NO motivation to do anything. Is it just mine?

Of course, when I came home and found out he hadn't done ANYTHING all day, I went ballistic. Son is VERY good at twisting your words to make himself out to be a victim.. this time it was:
1. I don't treat him as fair as I treat YS. Not true.. I've even made sure to ask hubby about this.
2. He has to do so many chores, YS does nothing. (He also gets paid for the chores he does, and YS doesn't do much, so he gets no money)
3. His dad plays the favortism game w/YS (This IS true.. OS is adopted by my ex and he has always treated them differently, which pisses me off)
4. He is miserable, ALL THE TIME. Teenager angst?

I am at my wits end with him.. and he started again this morning. Was pissed because the shirt he wanted to wear to church was wet in the dryer. That little tantrum has earned him to sole right to do his OWN laundry from now on since he doesn't like my timetable.

Any ideas on how I need to be handling this? I lost my temper yesterday for a bit, but the regained composure.. he however, yelled, screamed, cried and was outright defiant.

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Lisa

Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.


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spinnerdegrassi
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Re: Teenager Angst... [Re: rocketgirl]
      #413755 - 06/15/08 02:17 PM

Take away all his stuff.

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rocketgirl
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Re: Teenager Angst... [Re: spinnerdegrassi]
      #413756 - 06/15/08 02:19 PM

That is what my husband said.. :)

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Lisa

Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.


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Debi
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Re: Teenager Angst... [Re: rocketgirl]
      #413767 - 06/15/08 03:31 PM

I don't have an answer but if you get one please share it with me! He's 14, that in itself is what the problem is. Aside from freeze drying them until they are 21 I don't know what we can do! As I read your post my mouth was opened and I was thinking "Damn, do they live in the mirror of MY home?" I could have had the very same conversation with my D and probably have. They are lazy, lazy, lazy!

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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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gr8Dad
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Well, lets look at what happened... [Re: rocketgirl]
      #413771 - 06/15/08 03:44 PM

...you and other child went swimming, 14 year didn't want to because he had a sunburn, so you told him that he had to do chores, including working OUTSIDE (which was probably whyhe didn't want to go to the pool to begin with.

Now, as far as other issues, he may BE a PITA, but as for these things, if YOU were not feeling well, and did not want to go to a pool, and your hubby said, "Oh, okay, then while we are having fun, I want you to do WORK." How would YOU feel?

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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


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Spring
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Re: Well, lets look at what happened... [Re: gr8Dad]
      #413775 - 06/15/08 04:22 PM

There is soooo much that can be behind his emotions at this age. Have you done some one on one, mom and me time with him? I don't mean cater to his tantrums, just some time where he can just talk with you about stuff...and hopefully, how he feels?

He could really think in his mind that YS is treated better by you too...even if there isn't a shred of evidence to justify his thoughts.

I agree a bot with Gr8dad on the idea that he leikely felt punished for not going with you. I probably wouldn't have handled things the way you did with that...but certainly would have with the laundry issue...or at least gicen him a warning that complaining would just end up wuth him doing his own laundry.

Kids are tough...but somethings bugging him...try to see if you can't find out what. Could be a girlfrend, a friend issue...who knows??

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Never consider the possibility of failure; as long as you persist, you will be successful.


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rocketgirl
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Re: Well, lets look at what happened... [Re: gr8Dad]
      #413784 - 06/15/08 05:59 PM

You could be right...

BUT, if it weren't such a persistent problem, I don't think I would have reacted the way I did. He is lazy... not just yesterday, but EVERYDAY.

I asked him why he didn't ask hubby if he needed help... his answer? Why should I have to ask someone if they need help.. they should just ask ME to help them. He doesn't feel like he should do anything for anyone to just be helpful.

His way of thinking is just something that I can't understand.

ETA - the sunburn is at the peeling stage... it is not like it is making him sick or anything.

--------------------
Lisa

Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.

Edited by rocketgirl (06/15/08 06:07 PM)


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rocketgirl
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Re: Well, lets look at what happened... [Re: Spring]
      #413787 - 06/15/08 06:04 PM

I know I need to spend more one on one time with him... I just don't see where I can find it. We do spend time at the end of the night b/4 he goes to bed, but it is hard to get him to open up. He is a very private, quiet kid.

YS is.... very demanding, for lack of a better term. He is attached to my hip it feels like. I am working on his independence daily... but he is a VERY clingy child. It is not something I like, but short of just being mean to him, it is hard to get him "off" of me.. ya know? And alot of resentment that OS has is towards his brother.. sometimes rightly so. They are POLAR opposites so most of the time they do not get along so well.

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Lisa

Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.


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rocketgirl
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Re: Teenager Angst... [Re: Debi]
      #413788 - 06/15/08 06:05 PM

LOL.. his youth pastor said the same thing today about the freeze drying and giving him back to me at 21....

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Lisa

Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.


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Spring
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Re: Teenager Angst... [Re: rocketgirl]
      #413800 - 06/15/08 07:10 PM

Oh...the lazy thing....that was my son too. He only now, at 20, is starting to look like *my* kid as far as work ethic goes!

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Never consider the possibility of failure; as long as you persist, you will be successful.


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Reilly
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Re: Teenager Angst... [Re: rocketgirl]
      #413802 - 06/15/08 07:21 PM

You have literally described...verbatim, a day in the life of one of my 14 year olds...

I mean...just to a tee..

So I would guess that while 2 of them doesn't a majority make...its likely a fairly common event.....

I understand....

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Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?~Marilyn Monroe


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rocketgirl
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Re: Teenager Angst... [Re: Reilly]
      #413807 - 06/15/08 07:41 PM

Oh, Good Lord... I can't IMAGINE having TWO of these monsters! LOL

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Lisa

Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.


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Reilly
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Re: Teenager Angst... [Re: rocketgirl]
      #413809 - 06/15/08 07:45 PM

No....LOL...you can't...

And they aren't bad kids...really they aren't..

I have one that had me worried about being in a "funk"...the other one is just plain lazy...

Unless it is about baseball, football or some other equally agressive "ball" game...they just aren't interested...

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Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?~Marilyn Monroe


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KiwiGirl
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Vodka [Re: rocketgirl]
      #413839 - 06/15/08 10:03 PM

Applied in liberal doses to the mother's digestive system.
That is my only advice really. Raspberry Vodka works best.

Just an observation.... When I was 14 I would have pitched a fit and felt VERY unfairly treated if my younger sister did nothing around the house and it wouldn't matter how much you paid me.

If I were you I would take away a few of OS's chores and give thm to YS. OS will have a few less reasons to complain and YS may develop some independence. It also means when YS is not doing his chores you can tell him off. Right now it probably seems to OS that his brother gets away with EVERYTHING and he has to do EVERYTHING. He is being told to help with chores while his brother is off swimming. Now if your brother is off having fun one would think it means you can have fun as well. Being a teen this means sleeping.

Honey, this is nothing new. Teens are VERY egocentric. The little bunny is right... it is all about them. Your son is learning to separate himself from his family and be on his own. He will fight you every single day for the next 5 years. Welcome to my world.

If you read some books about teen brains it will make sense. Or resort to my standard text... the Zits cartoon. No kidding it a documentary on my life.

And apply the vodka. It helps numb you in all the right places.

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PhoenixRising
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Re: Well, lets look at what happened... [Re: rocketgirl]
      #414054 - 06/16/08 10:54 AM

"I know I need to spend more one on one time with him..."

One on one time "usually" lowers the amount of angst in my OS14 BUT lately he has been refusing to spend anytime w/ me or the family.

He even picks up his plate and eats his dinner in his room. Forcing him to have "quality time" would seem to be counter-productive..

Looks like we are starting back up family counseling for the summer.

You are not alone; I would take the terrible twos over the terrible 14s any day!

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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato


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