jblackwell
recently joined
Reged: 06/16/08
Posts: 4
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Hi everyone,
I have been in a very controlling, sporadically abusive marriage for almost 10 years. I have finally gathered the courage to leave. I have two children, ages 9 and 5. The 9 year old has Type 1 Diabetes, so I have been stuck as I was afraid to leave her with anyone else. Now she's old to go to school (both my kids have been homeschooled), or at least she will be by next year.
I have made a lot of mistakes in this, including having an affair. But the affair was what made me realize that I can't continue in this marriage any longer. I hate every moment I'm with my husband. I'm not leaving him for my boyfriend, although it would be nice if we could have a real relationship in the future.
I was hoping that my husband could be somewhat reasonable and at least let my finish my degree before this all ends. But his response (although not violent) was that I couldn't do it slowly. I have contacted a Domestic Violence help center by e-mail, but have had no response. I have no money for an apartment or a lawyer. I am very motivated and want to get my degree as a Respiratory Therapist, but am unsure where and how to get help with it.
Thanks for listening.
JB
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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[quote]Hi everyone,
I have been in a very controlling, sporadically abusive marriage for almost 10 years. I have finally gathered the courage to leave. I have two children, ages 9 and 5. The 9 year old has Type 1 Diabetes, so I have been stuck as I was afraid to leave her with anyone else. Now she's old to go to school (both my kids have been homeschooled), or at least she will be by next year.
I have made a lot of mistakes in this, including having an affair. But the affair was what made me realize that I can't continue in this marriage any longer. I hate every moment I'm with my husband. I'm not leaving him for my boyfriend, although it would be nice if we could have a real relationship in the future.
I was hoping that my husband could be somewhat reasonable and at least let my finish my degree before this all ends. But his response (although not violent) was that I couldn't do it slowly. I have contacted a Domestic Violence help center by e-mail, but have had no response. I have no money for an apartment or a lawyer. I am very motivated and want to get my degree as a Respiratory Therapist, but am unsure where and how to get help with it.
Thanks for listening.
JB [/quote]
You have to be kidding. YOU have an affair, dump your husband but want to finish school, he basically tells you to jump in the lake and you call a [censored] Domestic Violence center?
This is EXACTLY why people who make false allegations need to go to jail. People like you.
I am sure she will be back with a litany of "abuse" which led to her affair..blah blah blah...
This is crap.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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jblackwell
recently joined
Reged: 06/16/08
Posts: 4
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[quote][quote]Hi everyone,
I have been in a very controlling, sporadically abusive marriage for almost 10 years. I have finally gathered the courage to leave. I have two children, ages 9 and 5. The 9 year old has Type 1 Diabetes, so I have been stuck as I was afraid to leave her with anyone else. Now she's old to go to school (both my kids have been homeschooled), or at least she will be by next year.
I have made a lot of mistakes in this, including having an affair. But the affair was what made me realize that I can't continue in this marriage any longer. I hate every moment I'm with my husband. I'm not leaving him for my boyfriend, although it would be nice if we could have a real relationship in the future.
I was hoping that my husband could be somewhat reasonable and at least let my finish my degree before this all ends. But his response (although not violent) was that I couldn't do it slowly. I have contacted a Domestic Violence help center by e-mail, but have had no response. I have no money for an apartment or a lawyer. I am very motivated and want to get my degree as a Respiratory Therapist, but am unsure where and how to get help with it.
Thanks for listening.
JB [/quote]
You have to be kidding. YOU have an affair, dump your husband but want to finish school, he basically tells you to jump in the lake and you call a [censored] Domestic Violence center?
This is EXACTLY why people who make false allegations need to go to jail. People like you.
I am sure she will be back with a litany of "abuse" which led to her affair..blah blah blah...
This is crap. [/quote]
Excuse me, I don't think you have been a perfect angel all YOUR life either. I never understood the reasons people had affairs until now. When you are stuck with a person who is sexually dysfunctional (completely), physically repulsive and vicious as all hell (and no, he wasn't any of those when I met him) and you meet a man who treats you like you never have been treated it is really easy to understand how it can happen. Until now I did not have the courage to begin the process of leaving this creep. If you don't like my posts, feel free to block them. I didn't ask to speak to Dr. Laura, and I understand she made PLENTY of missteps in her day.
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jblackwell
recently joined
Reged: 06/16/08
Posts: 4
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And the affair is not the issue - the issue is that I have been married to a man who refused to let me cut my hair or lose weight. I took it all in silence for almost a decade, accepted all he threw at me, blamed myself and defended him to others. He yelled at me for having morning sickness, refused to believe that I had post-partum depression and called me anorexic for trying to lose weight after our daughter was born (I was 5'1" tall and 180 pounds). He yelled at me while I was pregnant because HE believed I wasn't eating enough. He threatened to break my arm for not giving our daughter a bottle of milk in the middle of the night, grabbed me by the hair in the middle of a grocery store parking lot when I messed up ordering diabetes supplies (later he hit me in the face with a packet of frozen vegatables, in front of our 3 year old). When he became ill, he messed up his medication and had a psychotic episode (picked a fight with me over whether I had put the thermometer in the bathroom cupboard). I had a two week old baby at the time. No family. No friends. A chronically ill 3 1/2 year old. It was a February night in Eastern Washington. I believe that he would have assaulted and killed me if I had not done my best to calm him down.
He hit me in the head with the phone when I didn't want to talk to my mother, then spent the rest of the morning yelling and throwing things at me. He tried to confiscate my car keys when I did something small that annoyed him (it was so small that I can't even remember what it was). Screamed at me in the car when I asked him to slow down (he was driving at 65 in a 40 mph zone, trying to catch up with a car that had cut us off).
In his lucid moments, he HAS acknowledged that he did all that and more. But it wasn't HIM (he says)- it was the illness, even the stuff that occurred long before he was sick. In my case, it wasn't any battered women's syndrome that stopped me from leaving. It was sheer lack of guts. And I blame myself for that.
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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As predicited! This one you could see a mile away. Now comes your litanty of abuse..bwahahahha..ya..right..go [censored] your boyfriend..THAT is the problem..
All of these things would have come out in your FIRST post if they were remotely true.
I hope they prosecute your ass for false charges.
BTW, I have NEVER cheated, not once, on even a girlfriend, let alone a wife. You are a cheat and a wh*re who is making false charges against your husband. I hope he (if he hasn't a;ready) kicks your ass out and gets custody of the kids.
Your follow ups are worthless because they are made up bullshit.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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motorboater
old hand
Reged: 03/14/08
Posts: 921
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If you think he's going to hurt you, don't stay around trying to get him to live with you and pay for college. That's not "somewhat reasonable." Do you see what's wrong with this picture?
Move out (family or friends?), get divorced, you'll receive some sort of financial settlement and with that $ go to college. If you two are poor/no marital assets, there won't be much $ to divide so get to work asap and pay for yourself to go to college. It might not be easy but that's the deal.
But don't stick around while having your affair trying to convince your potentially abusive husband to be generous.
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jblackwell
recently joined
Reged: 06/16/08
Posts: 4
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I know - I am trying to contact agencies that assist with domestic violence to find out how I can move into an apartment with my children when I have NO MONEY.
I have some family in New England, unable to help. I am not willing to go back there. A few friends, but none able to help me.
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sayitaintso
recently joined
Reged: 06/14/08
Posts: 3
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I would say if what you say is true you need to get out. My wife is now accusing me of being abusive to her for our 20 year marriage and she says that is why she had an ongoing 5 year long affair whom is also now going thru a divorce. He has 3 small children ages 3 thru 9 and my 2 boys ages 16 and 15. Funny how the domestic violence accusations rear their ugly head after the children voice their desire to stay with me huh. Anyway good luck if what u say is true.
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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go to your local courthouse and file the paperwork for divorce, it may be a small fee.
go to the department of social services and see if you can be placed in housing and put on assistance.
most people call the domestic violence help centers, never heard of emailing them. why would you want to risk the chance of getting caught with an email like that if DV was true?
odd that iff your husband is so controlling and tyrant that you were able to have an affair at all.
many things will depends upon the length of the marriage and the amount of income your spouse has.
one income does not usually cover two households so much.
you need to seek employment to become self-sufficient and maybe take online college classes if you want to go to school.
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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babyn76
newbie
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 42
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As predicited! This one you could see a mile away. Now comes your litanty of abuse..bwahahahha..ya..right..go [censored] your boyfriend..THAT is the problem..
All of these things would have come out in your FIRST post if they were remotely true.
I hope they prosecute your ass for false charges.
BTW, I have NEVER cheated, not once, on even a girlfriend, let alone a wife. You are a cheat and a wh*re who is making false charges against your husband. I hope he (if he hasn't a;ready) kicks your ass out and gets custody of the kids.
Your follow ups are worthless because they are made up bullshit.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
Ok, this person .. WHOEVER YOU ARE ... get some anger management.... please.. :) seriously.... have a drink, smoke a cig. whatever..
Now, shouldn't you qualify for some kind of fin. assistance? w/ 2 children you should.. in the mean time get some job at the hospital, and you should be able to get some position.. this will at least get your foot in the door. As a nurse, I can tell you many hospitals have funding as well. - or employmee assistance .. ect.. At this point it just doesn't matter who is right/ or wrong.. take care of your self and your kids and maybe go to church.. another great resource.. start your life over and just decide from now on to start making better choices for your family.. boyfriend or no boyfriend..
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