M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
|
|
Issues! So, SD is 13 and here lately..has wanted to spend ZERO time with daddy dearest. When she is with us, she spends almost the entire time (weekend, Wednesday, etc) with her friend up the street. I know that is normal (but omg...mom AND dad are giving her too much freedom IMHO). But...here is the thing lately....last week, she said she didn't bring enough clothes from BM's for church camp and she didn't have enough here...so she wanted to go back to BM's to pick them up, and at the same time spend the night with bm. Ok...DH let her (and, it turned out...the boys had to go too...except they didn't want to spend the night..but the only way to get their extra stuff was IF they spent the night, per MOM). So...DH let them all go, but wasn't happy about it.
They got back from church camp yesterday, and today, SD calls up dad (from up the road at friends) and TELLS him that her mom is going to pick her up tomorrow HERE (at our house) because she needs her contacts from BM's, and that she is just going to spend the night with BM because she doesn't have enough clothes here. DH got very upset, told SD he would call her back and came and gripped at me about it. I told him that she does this because you let her. No teenager wants to spend time with their parents, so you will have to force her to do so (DH was actually near tears because SD keeps hurting his feelings...and haven't seen him near tears since his dad died). I also took DH into SD's room and showed him exactly how much clothes she had brought from BMs, not to mention...the clothes in her drawers here (the room is overflowing with clothes from moms). Anyway...DH wound up calling SD back and telling her that BM can drop off her contacts here and whatever else she needs, but she is not going to spend the night with her. DH hasn't seen SD for almost a week because of church camp, BM and friends...and since he starts vacation tomorrow, he plans on spending time with her whether she likes it or not lol. SD was NOT happy. In fact...she told him "no" and that she WAS going to BM's. DH spoke firmly to her and she finally said whatever.
The trend lately, with all of them...is that if they want to go somewhere or do something that involves more money than we have to give, BM "forces" them to spend either that very day and night with her, or as in SS17's case..the entire weekend with her if they want her to "fund" it. SS17 and SS15 would much rather be here (their words, not mine), and my feeling is that they are resenting BM big time for it. SS17 told DH last night that he hates his mother because she makes them chose between her and dad...speaks horribly of dad, etc etc. That is sad.
Anyway...any advice on handling the SD issue? She has been making plans lately and just assuming it will be ok with us (Dad). Dad is kinda at a loss as to handle it because nothing like this has happened with the boys. SD is pushing it...and I have a feeling she is only going to get worse (I know I did at that age...but I think she will go even further than I ever did because she has 2 parents she can play off each other). She's gotten a smart mouth on her too and I'm just sick of her treating/talking to DH without respect.
TIA
|
jsp
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/30/05
Posts: 4197
|
|
It doesn't sound like you need any advice - you both handled the situation well. She can tell dad anything she wants, and you both continue to handle things as you just did... and don't back down.
|
mommynurse
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/26/05
Posts: 4386
Loc: Indiana
|
|
Considering my 13yo SD calls 911 everytime she doesn't get her way, I have no words of advice for you. Except for be thankful she doesn't hate ya'll enough to call the police everytime she's at you house.
--------------------
Handed lemons? Find someone else who was handed Vodka and have a party--Ron White
|
Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
|
|
Welcome to teenage girl years. LOL What your SD13 is doing is somewhat normal. The drama is something that goes with it.
You both handled it pretty good. In your SD13 view no matter WHAT you (meaning parents) do it is wrong unless you allow her to do what she wants.
|
M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
|
|
Quick reply..
I know...it just sucks because I see how hurt DH is because of it all. And I'm sure BM is on the other end saying, "well you can do this or that if you come home". Doesn't help. He thinks she doesn't want to have anything to do with him and would rather be with mom. I told him that she doesn't want anything to do with either one of her parents unless it benefits her...and this whole going to her mom's house thing...she must be getting something out of it, because I can't see her just wanting to go just because.
It's just very frustrating!!
Thanks so much!
|
Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9815
Loc: Arkansas
|
|
[quote] Anyway...DH wound up calling SD back and telling her that BM can drop off her contacts here and whatever else she needs, but she is not going to spend the night with her.
[/quote]
The only problem I see is right here. Dad should have called mom instead of his daughter. Because SD is relaying messages between the parents, she's able to put HER slant on it to convince one parent to be 'on her side' against the other parent. If the parents will talk, that takes out the middle man AND the potential lies.
--------------------
Eternity is too long to be wrong.
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
|
|
"The only problem I see is right here. Dad should have called mom instead of his daughter. Because SD is relaying messages between the parents, she's able to put HER slant on it to convince one parent to be 'on her side' against the other parent. If the parents will talk, that takes out the middle man AND the potential lies."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Amen to that.
|
M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
|
|
BM won't talk to DH. Whenever DH calls her, he gets the voice mail and no return calls.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
