Becky
addict
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 434
Loc: New Hampshire
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LOL. Yes that is what he said. He wants to try. I personally think that his mother is pushing him into it but whatever. If he wants to then he can.
Apparently his ex (k's mother) got him thrown in jail for arrears he owed her from before he knew that he was even K's dad. So he asked me to lay off the cse until he could get that paid.
I told him that it wasnt up to me, and really I didnt even care that he had arrears from way back then he cant just pick and choose when hes going to pay for his kids. Well...he can...but there will be consequences.
So we will see how long this lasts. He hasnt called the boys or said that he wants to see them.
He just wants to "try". Whatever that means.
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My choice is what I choose to do and if Im causing no harm it shouldnt bother you.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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He wants to "Try?" WTH? Mom's can be like that. Maybe she'll put him on the right track? Maybe not. You can only hope right? For kids sake I hope so.
He's either going to be there or he isn't. Ya know? My ex always had all these lame excuses as to why he didn't come around for the kids when we first split up.
Oh it hurt too much or some crap. WHATEVER!! Why are the kids always the ones that suffer?
Right now, my ex isn't paying child support anymore. So he's got money again. And now his First and only Grandchilds 2nd birthday is coming up. Think he'll send a birthday gift. NOPE. Probably not.
Just how it is.
Trying means a half hearted attempt.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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And it used to anger me to NO end how I would do all the hard work and she would prance in and take the credit. Then she would vanish again, leaving me with damage control when the kids were devastated.
Then I stopped DOING damage control. I let the kids see her for who she was. Now, they accept that she is who she is, and she will NOT be one they can count on, so they DON'T count on her.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Becky
addict
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 434
Loc: New Hampshire
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That is what I have the problem with.
K has aspergers.....I dont know how much really effects him with his father. Im sure a lot of it does....but we just dont actually know because he doesnt tell us you know?
C on the other hand is convinced his dad is spiderman....a superhero...and I dont want to bad mouth his dad and say that his dad COULD call him if he wanted to....he COULD come and see him if he wanted to....without destroying what he thinks of his dad, because after everything...he is still his father.
DH said not to say anything. Soon he will figure it out on his own that his dad isnt a superhero and is just an out and out jerk who would rather shirk his responsibilities than to own up to them.
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My choice is what I choose to do and if Im causing no harm it shouldnt bother you.
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JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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How long has it been since he's seen the boys?
It's frustrating knowing at times a parent is only being a parent to satisfy their own family, or what it *appears* to be on the outside. In the end it will be obvious where or not his "trying" works. I hope for the sake of his children he does more than just "try."
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MaritimeGuy
addict
Reged: 04/15/08
Posts: 532
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My position is don't bad mouth the ex nor cover for him. (or for her in reverse) You're no longer partners so there's no need to attempt to explain his actions. In fact doing so is only going to hurt your relationship with your child if you get caught in a lie.
i.e. If he doesn't call you don't say something like, "I guess he was too busy with his skanky new GF to call you". Nor should it be, "I know it must have been something terribly important for him not to call as I know you're his number one priority." It should be more along the lines of, "I'm sorry he didn't call...I don't understand why. If you like you can call him now and ask him."
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Becky
addict
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 434
Loc: New Hampshire
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He hasnt seen them in....well....almost over a year I think.
I have never bad mouthed him. I just feel so bad for ds when the day comes when he finds out that his dad isnt who he thought he was.
I always have encouraged both to call their father, but 3/4 of the time the number is disconnected.
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My choice is what I choose to do and if Im causing no harm it shouldnt bother you.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Becky,
Both my boys have Aspergers also. And my oldest his Dad was out of the picture during his early years. It did damage him emotionally.
He still has a lot of pent up anger for his father to this day. And isn't afraid to let his Dad know how he feels. As you are aware Aspergers kids don't candy coat their feelings, so my son's father gets the full Monty so to speak when he calls here.
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MaritimeGuy
addict
Reged: 04/15/08
Posts: 532
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That's unfortunate for your boys. I can't imagine going more than a couple days without seeing my kids let alone a year. One day you ex will figure out the only person he's really outsmarted is himself.
It will be difficult for your son when he finally figures out his father is not the fantasy father he has in his mind. Unfortunately all you can really do is be there to love him all the more when he does.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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I didnt' ask, how old is your son?
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