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JennyLynn
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Reged: 07/14/05
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Give an inch, he wants a mile
      #419100 - 06/25/08 08:14 AM

Did he REALLY just send me this???

It was sent from XH's email address, from one of his life long friends who I knew when we met. The man is a spoiled rich brat who apparently think of himself as an attorney.

"Are you kidding me?! Read this…

“Hi Jennifer,
After conferring with XH for several hours on the state of your impending court date, he has asked that I assist him in writing you to express his his thoughts and opinions in an attempt to amicably settle the state of DS's well fare. As you are very well aware, XH is a very emotional individual and at times, it is his emotion that impedes his ability to express what he is trying to communicate, both verbally and in written form. My intention is only to act as an unbiased, non-partisan liaison so all parties can resolve this issue and move forward as quickly as possible. Please note this is not an attempt to super cede the the custody demands you have outlined in your settlement agreement, only an appeal to the humanistic aspect of the situation.
Through out the course of the last 1.5 years I have been (begrudgingly) intimate with not only your separation with XH, but also, and most importantly, the settling of custody with DS. I have a very unique and outside perspective on the situation because I have personally been involved in such a situation, as the child in question, when my parents separated years ago. I believe that many times in such situations children unfortunately become 'emotional equity' and bear the undo burden of resolving more global problems facing their parents as individuals. It is only when enough time has passed and emotions settle enough to step back and objectively examine the situation to determine: in the wake of our failure, what steps need to be taken to ensure the successful upbringing of our child(ren.) XH ACCEPTS THE TERMS OF YOUR PROPOSAL, however, he asks that you examine some of his financial obligations in an attempt to come to an agreement more conducive to his abilities to fulfill those that you are asking. Again, please keep in mind that I am only acting as an arbitrator in an attempt to settle this dispute amongst individuals, in the absence of a court of law, in an attempt to set precedence in future dealings with one another. Involving the court structure every time we have conflict is costly, cumbersome and most importantly degenerative to the collective goal of good will towards XH. Please examine:
Current monthly expenses (3 year forecast)
Child support 1: $300 (DS)
Child support 2: $214 (exDSD)
Car payment: $309
Full coverage car insurance: $209
Telephone: $102
Arrears: $300
-------------------
$1434/month
Before including ANY home expenses, i.e., rent, gas, water, electric XH is already liquidating 75% of his current PRE-TAX income (at a rate of $100/shift 5 shift (40 hour+) work week. At this current rate XH is only left with $566 a MONTH (roughly $20 a day remaining) to cover food, gas, incidentals, sundries, etc. Please note this pre-tax gross income before including any personal dwelling expenses.
As an appeal to reason:
As stipulated in your agreement DS is not to spend anymore than 2 hours of non-supervised time with XH's mother, L. As a sign of XH's lucidity, he too agrees that at times exMIL can be a bit negative and that it is not an ideal living situation for your child. Further, and I think all parties can agree, it is neither healthy or ideal for a parent to be co-habitating with their parents (exMIL) at 27 years of age. Ideally, or rather, as should be expected, each respective parent should hold a residence of their own in full compliance and of reasonable accommodation to set a standard of structure for the child to based a model for his future endeavors. At XH's current rate of income, however, he is unable to meet his financial obligations to his modest standard of living and also his legal necessities. Please understand that XH is well aware of the negative repercussions of his life choices, but it is nearly impossible to overcome these financial obstacles while also confronting the QUINTESSENTIAL components of his psyche and life choices that have led him to where he is now. Even from an objective standpoint I think all parties would agree that it is more difficult to be a happy and optimistic person when your budgetary constraints force you to live with your mother on a $20/day allowance before food and gas. From a humanistic standpoint I beg you, please, consider these implications. Despite the fact that XH is relinquishing custody you devised a very considerate visitation schedule wouldn't you agree that some discretionary income would allow for a better living environment? It would allow XH to have a home of his own and relieve him of his constant, internal downtrodden making him a better parent when he has DS.
From what your documents indicate XH is delinquent roughly in the amount of $6000. While you have very reasonably proposed that you will forgive one half the debt, after reviewing his income statement it is my hope that the two of you can reach an agreement more congruent to what he can afford. WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO RELIEVE XH OF HIS PAST DUE $6000 IN ARREARAGE? In the absence of outstanding medical bills there should be no truly pressing need for this payment. XH understands that there is no quantifying the day to day expenses of raising a child (whereby the $3000 is understandable) and only wishes himself the same financial independence to do the same. Please consider the psychological implications of relinquishing full custody of your child in addition to coping with lack of income and other life obstacles. It is my hope that you will be able to see beyond his past indiscretions in the hope of finding a compromise even more generous than the one you have already proposed.
I am,

very truly yours,

XXXX
post script: Please note that it is only my intention to act as arbitrator to this situation. I am in no way implicating myself as legal aid or defense for XH , but simply as an appeal to reason. I truly respect you and your decisions regarding XH and only wish you happiness and the best.
cc: xxx, esquire.”

Edited by JennyLynn (06/25/08 08:17 AM)


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BB1
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: JennyLynn]
      #419104 - 06/25/08 08:27 AM

Um, JL, this man is xh's life long BFF who can't spell welfare, and is way too wordy. His email kinda reminded me of Miranda's quote...use big words to confuse people. This man sent this to you because he probably doesn't want to see your x in jail. And of course he shares the same (if not worst) sense of entitlement your ex has.

I would not even respond but if you must, a simple thanks for your thoughts and time. (period). No further explanation needed.

PS - notice how he tried to put you on a guilt trip by talking about how divorce impacted him and how emotions override best interest of kids? Guilt trips are control tactics.

--------------------
It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.


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Cassie23
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: JennyLynn]
      #419107 - 06/25/08 08:35 AM

What did you expect? He doesn't have to do anything to get 1/2 off the arrears... Even if it means you getting sole and him having EOW that's what's happening now anyways.

At least with ssmom's approach he would have to do well for 6 months and then get an incentive.

Now he's thinking if she's willing to let 1/2 slide, why not the full? I think that approach is doing a real disservice to him.

CS COULD be revisited at min. wage 40 hours a week- why not do that? Come to that agreement?? Like you said his CS for his DD was $100/month based on him waiting tables.

Furthermore why not have him pay off arrears at $50/month or something like that? I know when DH was behind in CS (BM got a modification and they went back to the filing date) all he had to do was talk to CSE and they ok'ed $50/month in arrears. Of course he wasn't $6k behind.

I think he should pay a lump sum RIGHT NOW to show that he's serious about getting back on track. Why doesn't he ask his rich friend for it? Then I'd say min wage at 40 hours a week and $50/month for arrears. If he continues to pay consistently for 6 months you knock 1/2 the arrears off.


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JennyLynn
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: BB1]
      #419109 - 06/25/08 08:37 AM

Oh I totally agree - It's HUMOROUS!!

I responded with "No, this does not meet my approval. I'll see you in court on Thursday."


And I agree - it's all about control. What, he isn't "emotionally stable" enough to even communicate with me?! His "psyche" isn't in tact?

Seriously. I am so furious he even tried this bullsh*t and at the same time laughing my a$$ off at the same time.


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JennyLynn
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: Cassie23]
      #419110 - 06/25/08 08:38 AM

I'm emailing my attorney right now, and forwarding his email to her.

I'm willing to discuss and negotiate at this point, but to even contemplate agreeing to his "terms"...not gonna happen.


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PrincessJ
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: JennyLynn]
      #419111 - 06/25/08 08:39 AM

Tell the "arbitrator" to fvck off.

--------------------
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey


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RJ1
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: JennyLynn]
      #419116 - 06/25/08 08:47 AM

I personally don't think forgiving ANY arrears is doing your son any favors. How is that in the best interest of your son? Ya'll already ACT as if you have sole...he's not gaining anything there and neither are you, except for a little word on paper that means nothing.

RJ


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1004SRS
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: JennyLynn]
      #419118 - 06/25/08 08:59 AM

Child support 1: $300 (DS)
Child support 2: $214 (exDSD)
Car payment: $309
Full coverage car insurance: $209
Telephone: $102
Arrears: $300

Okay, he needs to get rid of the $100 a month phone bill. I pay for both my cell and my parents cell for $75 a month.

The car needs to be sold for a beater that runs. He can be like the rest of the world and drive a less expensive car with cheaper insurance until he pays his debts.

He can live at home, work 60 hours a week until he fulfills his obligations. Then, you can play.

He needs Dave Ramsey's financial advice.


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JennyLynn
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Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: 1004SRS]
      #419120 - 06/25/08 09:04 AM

I completely agree SRS.

Thing is??? I just spent over $1K to get that car out from beneath him b/c he "couldn't afford it" and it was about to be repo'd. I have NO problem with doing that but what I DO have a problem with is now I have a $300 car payment (whereas before I had an old beater upper my parents gave me and had NO car payment), and he goes out and SOMEHOW gets a loan and gets another vehicle for the same amount he was paying on the car.

I've bent over BACKWARDS for this man and he apparently still thinks he can walk all over me.


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JennyLynn
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Posts: 31656
Re: Give an inch, he wants a mile [Re: RJ1]
      #419121 - 06/25/08 09:04 AM

RJ - I'm beginning to think you're right.

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