JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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My son is too! Thtat's so cute. He told me yesterday he wants a Transformers Skateboard. The child is 3!
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I don't know. You can vilify the mediator all you want, but underneath the BS he has a point. As a child of divorce like Mr.wordymediator I can assure you your son cares only about 1 thing - having a close loving relationship with his father. He doesn't give a sh!t if his dad is responsible financially or otherwise. Where you choose to place this need of your son's in you priority list is entirely up to you. But I am confident of one thing - you will never make this guy the responsible support payor you want him to be. Not with jail, not with forgiving arrears, NOTHING.
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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Stupid... okay. Again, you've never BEEN in this situation, you have NO idea how EASY it is to get there.
------------->and you aren't in that situation and you don't know how easy it is to make SURE you don't get there.
Tell you what. All you women who are soooo vigorously defending JL?
Why don't YOU try being a non-custodial parent, particularly a male one. See how it all works out for you, and how YOU do.------------->WTF does being a Male NCP have to do with this? How about being a MOM that's a NCP an ordered to pay over 1K in child support for 1 child...... I've been there... I've DONE it...... I've been in those shoes and I don't in the least feel sorry for his ass...... HIS FAULT.. PERIOD.
Amazing.. simply amazing. It's VERY easy to sit and judge something you don't have any idea how it works.. in reality.
----------->I know how it works.... for 10 years I knew how it worked.... I knew I had to pay 1K a month and guess what... I did......... I was late 1 time in 10 years and that was JUNE of 07 because HE said he would get it when he came by. Other than that...... never late... never missed...... It's a [censored]... but you have to budget... AND there were times I worked 2 jobs so I could do it....
As for the bicycle/bus pass suggestion.. that's just HYSTERICAL.------------>why..... you suggested a taxi the other day in a town that has no taxi's..... PEOPLE use the bus system regularly... or subways.... I know many people who live in San Fran and NY and don't even OWN or want a car....
And I guarantee JL would be in court 5 minutes later demanding some visitation or custody schedule change b/c he didn't have appropriate transportation "for the benefit of their son".------------->hell, he doesn't exercised his visitation as it is.
Seriously.. You make me laugh.
-------------->ditto.
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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Then stop reading and go do something constructive....
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jil_stevens
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/31/06
Posts: 3893
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My one question would be if PM's ex is working that many hours that he doesn't have the time for a part-time job, why can't he pay child support? He should be able to do something.
And as for the bus idea? I REALLY wish that I could ride the bus everywhere, LOL. I have a LONG commute and it would be fantastic. Instead I have to drive about 3/4 of the way to get to the train station to take me the rest of the way in so I don't have to mess with traffic.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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[quote]My one question would be if PM's ex is working that many hours that he doesn't have the time for a part-time job, why can't he pay child support? He should be able to do something.
----------->> He is a SALARIED employee. He works in a service industry. He makes $55K a year. I went through his budget previously here. With what he makes, what he DOES pay in child support, having no cell, yes he has a car payment.. he had no cash, and has NO credit, paying NO other debt other than the car and insurance, he has about $200 a MONTH to live off of. For food, clothing, medicines, and add-ons for the first child (ie: medicines, co-pays).
What he pays in rent is the norm here for what he's renting. He rents a ROOM in his mother's house. Has a little kitchenette.. 1 stove burner.. a teeny bathroom. His other daughter sleeps in a room elsewhere in the house when she's there.
He's not going to live anywhere for free. Not going to happen. He's paying his parents for pete's sake.
Neither he, nor I, created the cost of living here, nor the pay scale. He is uneducated, and has certain issues (can't think on the fly well, has difficulty with reading comprehension, can't do basic math without a calculator, has memory issues). He is limited in income potential. I pushed him to go to school... he "can't" for the aforementioned reasons. It's a miracle he graduated high school.
Not trying to make "excuses" for him. I married him that way and I accepted him that way. Just as I accept him that way in divorce. I couldn't make him into someone else married (nor did I try) and I can't now (nor will I try).
But when push came to shove, he'd give us his last morsel of food, the clothes off his back, and whatever housing he could provide to make sure we were okay.
It is enough for me to know that. I don't need an inflated child support amount, that given the REAL math (like child support is based on income WITHOUT any taxes.. that's 20% of your income you don't have.. how fair is that??) would be totally unrealistic to begin with. And to have arrearages stack up on that amount makes no sense. It would never get paid. Period.
I just choose to accept what things are and put more energy into improving MY life and MY circumstances for the benefit of the child I created. Ultimately, I am responsible for the commitments I have made, which were to create a child and to be her custodial parent.
But, I will grant, not everyone sees it that way.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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I don't believe I've EVER suggested someone use a taxi. Please point that out, I'd love to see it.
Yes people in New York.. CITY... take cabs. Heck half of them don't even know HOW to drive.
You CANNOT get around Long Island in a taxi, or on a bus, consistently. Hell, you can't even use the Long Island Rail Road to move around. A 40 minute car ride to my job (no traffic... assuming straight drive at 65mph) would take 3 1/2 HOURS by train.. with 3 different connections.
Taxis? Please...
I live 15 miles from ex. Ex's first wife lives about 25 miles. They do exchanges 3 days a week. The only transport she does is picking up on Sunday nights.. b/c THOSE days she happens to be driving by his house.
As for JL's ex.. he IS taking his visitation, although she's previously suggested limiting it or eliminating it for less or no money from him.
I realize you have issues with remembering what people post, but she did, and NOT that long ago. December? January?
Using a child as a bargaining chip is JUST as wrong as being a "deadbeat" parent. That's dalled blackmail frankly and it's illegal. They just don't prosecute custodial parents who do it to non-custodial parents. Wish they did... ex's first wife would get nailed for it too.
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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She laughed at my bicycle/bus pass suggestion? What a )(*^&%&^##$
I'll have you (her) know that my son, who is now an ADULT...and could very well be a father if he chose to be careless....gets every fricking place he wants/needs to go using a bicycle and a bus pass. He has ZERO interest in obtaining his license or getting a car. No matter where he needs to be, he merely looks up what bus/light rail lines serve the area and plans his route.
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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that for the most part, most people stay OUT of that position, so I'm guessing that it's easier to take steps to stay out of it, than it is to get there. :)
As for your other suggestion....well, that's just plain stupid. So you've had your vagina removed and a p enis installed so that you could know what it is like to be a non-custodial man? How interesting. Honestly, I'd prefer to hear more about your experiences.
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preemiemom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
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Actually I'd say more people are IN that position than people would like to think.
As for the bus suggestion. It's not a viable option here. I mean, just totally thoroughly the idea wouldn't even cross your mind whatsoever. Well, unless you wanted a $7 an hour at the local Mickey D's. That doesn't pay $50grand a year.
No, I've been married to one and had 2 other long term relationships with them. I've bailed an NCP out of jail for non-payment. I never said anything about trading in my vagina for a dick.
I find it interesting that all of this line in the sand, standing up for our rights doesn't necessarily seem to get many folks anywhere. I think, for the true deadbeat (like JL showcases her ex to be), they're going to be a deadbeat today, and tomorrow and probably were when they met the people they had more children to be deadbeats over.
The "system" is punitive, it's not corrective.
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